You complain that life is cruel and unfair. And I recommend you to look at yourselves in a mirror in the upcoming morning.
You grieve of the dead ones as those lost to this world forever. And I am starting to assert that they were lost exclusively for the vanity of yours.
You curse your work, thinking of it as a routine which takes away the time of your life aimlessly. And I ask you, what will your life look like without your work on yourselves?
You despise your enemies. And I know, how they all become the stones of non-hindrance on the road of life, once you have finally grown the wings for flight.
You all thirst for love, but, finding none, are ready to jump from the rocks of broken hopes into abysses of hatred. And I desire to know the true value of such feelings.
You state that life makes no sense and holds no purpose. And I will whisper to you, that you did not even try to search.
You declare the impossibility of possible, and deny incredibility of the obvious. And I see, how previously impossible becomes obvious, and incredible becomes possible.
You guess that life is inconceivable without movement. And I ask you not to confuse impulses of soul to petty vanity.
You worry that you do not understand others. And I am interested in questioning you – “Do you even know yourselves?”
You pursue life’s success in hopes to get it in time, and are ready to walk over others heads. And I tell you that you are always late, for you have chosen wrong road.
You feel proud that belief is not necessary to the learnt. And I ask you whether you could learn, not believing in the possibility of the learnt ?
You speak of generosity and share pieces of stale bread, continuing to consume red caviar over both your cheeks. You speak of goodwill, and draw a knife behind each other’s backs. You speak of wisdom and share thousand and one way to deceive those close to you. And I dare to believe that you will open your eyes one day and stop confusing darkness to the light.
You question, how I can state what I do not know. And I advise you to pour out ashes from bags of your knowledge.
You tell me that I repeat myself and cross spots, passed previously, again. And I will simply ask you to look up.
You will tell that it is banal. And I will continue hoping.
You will tell that you have heard and passed all this before. And with a grief in my eyes I will watch you passing by once again …
27.09.2010
Yours choice, mankind!
A blinding light of neon advertising struck in the eyes.
“Only here! Free sex! Men-women, men-men, women-women! All possible combinations! Only 20 credits for unforgettable night! Make yourself pleased!”
And just nearby on another building - “Virtual sex with world stars! Feel yourself famous!”
A slow turning. The first, second, third building - everything sparkled with red and crimson fires and suggested to feel “true taste of life”, as it has been written on a signboard of the next stocky construction, inviting “grandiose inhabitants of our capital” to take unique part here and now in summoning of “powerful spirits from underworld” under the direction of “the great prophet”, whose name “is so powerful that cannot even be said aloud”.
People were passing on nearby - they all were dressed in some sort of dark clothes and their faces were turned towards the ground. It almost seemed as if they didn’t notice him.
What a strange world is that? He didn’t remember himself living in it earlier.
He slowly moved forward, studying city vicinities. He had no more doubts that he somehow appeared inside a city.
Streets were lightened up by long lines of dim lanterns. “And how can they distinguish anything in such a darkness? - an overdue amazement came to his mind.
But the ones living here apparently didn’t desire to notice anything, except for but few things. Here some bent townsman ran into a nearest building. A newcomer turned his head to behold a next signboard. Large shining dark-crimson letters were imprinted on its surface:
“Fights without rules. Life is just an instant in the eternity. Death is a release”. And a bit more after - “The property of a lifeguard service of grandiose inhabitants of grandiose capital”.
And once again a painful push of a thought coming - “where am I?”
* * *
He kept moving down the night streets of this city, and new and new pictures were opening for him.
“Your relative is just a human. But you are the God. Prove that! Best weapons and ammunition from military warehouses! Life is a prison. Death is a release”. And familiar words, written a bit lower on a board - “The property of a lifeguard service of grandiose inhabitants of grandiose capital”.
And once again, more and more … Dazzling light of crimson fires …
“Virtual club ‘Illusion’. A virtual model of a capital - and you are its lord. Feel yourself a God! Property of Virtulex Enterprise corporation”.
“Roulette of doom. Now it’s your “rolling”, mortal!” And once again an additional text, written lower - “A place with no losers, for life is a curse, and death is a release!”
“Slaves we are not. Give aggressor a strikeback! Vote for the “Ashes” project. Each invader gets a nuclear bomb!” And lower - “Institute of sociological research of the Ministry of Attack and Defense”.
Buildings, buildings, buildings … Fires, fires, fires ...
This city made one mad. Something suppressed his will and tried to make him behave the same way - having forgotten of everything, run into a nearest tavern, or a sex-dance-club, or virtual “snack bar” - and for many hours to cease remembering any longer.
Of who you are. Of whom you should be. And of what you’ve become …
It seemed as if something terrible laid down on his shoulders, trying to press him down, flatten out, turn into nothing that one, who’s not consent with that order of things. The city itself, apparently, was going to finish off this impudent intruder, not corresponding with its essence - and its rules of life.
He kept and continued moving hour after an hour. And nevertheless he kept moving, hoping to see a gleam of light somewhere. But no matter where he turned to, there was all the same on each new street. Same sinister buildings, as if engulfed in crimson fires, same writhed people with some sort of absent expression of their eyes, entering and leaving them, same human words, constantly forming inhuman phrases.
He could go no more - he suddenly terribly desired to lie down on a street and die. Just to lie down and be no longer - to no longer observe all he had to, to see it no more. To get rid of it as a nightmare.
One more step. And again. And again. A hit - and he embraced the ground. Oblivion …
* * *
He opened his eyes and raised a head over the ground, trying to figure out what has happened. Distinguished a building nearby - and a sharp flash has lit up his memory.
“N-n-n-o-o-o! Only not here! Not here again!”
That was not a dream - he was observing a very same city. Almost nothing even changed, unless for a bit darker surroundings - probably the night has finally reigned. Then he dropped himself on a ground once more and moaned - from a despair and hopelessness. He had no wish no live on here - and had to. What for? What for?!
Silence. Deadly silence. The night city has been already sleeping.
Silently was he lying on a granite roadway, paved by black marble - and just as silently tears were flowing from his eyes, leaving a clear transparent trace. He didn’t remember what was going on after these moments - merciful memory has erased these instants of time from him. When he has regained consciousness once again, he remembered only despair - and a city in which he was for now - a city, which has covered the sun like a dark giant.