By the time it was done she was sobbing, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” over and over, and he was stroking her temple with his chin and growling, “It’s okay, it’s okay… Nothing to be sorry about…”
He felt lost… helpless.
He wanted to tell her it was happening too fast for him, too. That he wasn’t ready, either. He wanted to tell her he wished he’d had more time with her, time to get to know her better. A lifetime of time. Time to get to know her ways, her body’s tender secrets-where she hurt and how she liked to be touched, and the mysterious feminine noises she uttered when she made love. There was so much about her he wanted to know. So many things he wished he’d asked her when he’d had the chance.
Mostly, he wanted to know why. Why, on Christmas Eve, was she here with him, a stranger, having her precious baby in a snowbound truck when she should have been in a warm, comfortable place with people to take care of her, and a husband to hold her and stroke her and tell her how much he loved her-the baby’s father, sharing it all, the whole wonderful miracle of it, with her? Why? He thought it had to be a tragedy of some sort-he couldn’t imagine any other explanation. He really wanted to know.
But she’d moved beyond him now. She was out of his reach, and he thought it was too late to ask her.
She’d pulled herself together and moved back a little, lifting her eyes to his, eyes that were filled with questions of their own. “Jimmy Joe?”
“Yeah, I’m here,” he murmured, pretending he knew the answers.
She drew a bright and hopeful breath. “I really do need to go to the bathroom. I know I’d feel better if I could just-”
But he stopped her there, firmly shaking his head, wishing he didn’t have to see the entreaty in her face. “I can’t let you go out,” he said as gently as he could. “It’s not just cold, it’s icy and dangerous. What if you hurt yourself-or your baby?”
He brushed her cheek with the backs of his fingers, wiping away a tear she probably didn’t even know about. “Tell you what, though. I’m gonna find you something, so you can go…” Now she was shaking her head-wildly, frantically. He saw the fear in her eyes and somehow knew that what she was most in dread of at that moment was the thought of losing her privacy-her dignity.
Mindful of that, he caught her chin and held it still, and leaning close, whispered his instructions in her ear as if they were in a room full of strangers and it was the most intimate of confidences he was sharing with her. So softly she had to catch her breath, still her breathing in order to hear him. When he was finished, she shivered like a child with a secret and whispered an airless and mollified, “Okay.”
He guided her into the sleeper compartment with a deferential touch, as if he were escorting a duchess to the dinner table, reached up to take down the pile of towels from the shelf above the bed and presented them to her without a word.
From another compartment he took out a plastic trash bag with a drawstring top and his first-aid kit. He left the bag on the bed, tucked the first-aid kit under his arm and backed out of the sleeper, pulling the curtain closed as he went. Then he slid into the driver’s seat, dialed in channel 19 on his CB radio and turned the volume up loud. Static and chatter filled the cab, drowning out all other sound, even the sigh of his own exhalation and the drumming of his rapidly beating heart.
For a while he just sat and listened to it. He felt curiously drained, felt a need to rest and rebuild his store of energy, not so much from what he’d already been through, but for what was still to come. Because this was only the beginning. He knew that, just as he knew she was going to need everything he had to give her.
The radio blared suddenly with a crackly, tinny rendition of Tennessee Ernie Ford bawling, “O Come, All Ye Faithful,” somebody evidently trying to share his own particular brand of Christmas cheer through his open mike. Takes all kinds, Jimmy Joe thought as he picked up his own mike and thumbed it on, grinning. Even among truckers.
“This is the Big Blue Starr-Hey, shut that thing off, will ya? I got a lady havin’ a baby over here. Need to talk to somebody… Come on.”
“Hey, Big Blue!” The voice was nearby, loud and excited. “‘Bout time you put your ears back on. Good to hear from you, buddy. How you doin’ over there?”
Jimmy Joe chuckled. Already the sound of other drivers’ voices had lifted his spirits, made him feel hopeful, not quite so alone. “Doin’ okay, so far. Could use a little help, though. Anybody seen any smokies lately?”
“Hell, no-‘Twas the night before Christmas and not a bear stirrin’-”
“Hey, Big Blue, they’re talkin’ ’bout you all way back to New Mexico. How’s the little lady doin’?”
“Hangin’ in there,” said Jimmy Joe. “Listen, we’d sure ’preciate it if you’d pass the word along to Amarillo. Tell ’em we need some help out here.”
“Already been done, Big Blue.”
And from farther away: “Uh…that’s affirmative. Word got there-oh. been a while ago. Word now is, they’re, uh, tryin’ to set somethin’ up, tryin’ to patch through a relay, or somethin’. Got a buncha phone lines down, so it’s takin’ awhile, but they’re workin’ on it. You’d best go on over there to channel 9 and wait for ’em…”
“Thank ya kindly, ’preciate it,” said Jimmy Joe. He was about to turn the dial when a woman’s voice broke in.
“You tell the lady we’re all prayin’ for her.”
And from all up and down the line the voices of lonely, snowbound drivers chimed in.
“Yeah, you hang in there, now.”
“We’re pullin’ for ya…”
“Y’all have a Merry Christmas!”
“Take care…”
“We’re with you, Big Blue!”
“God Bless…”
“Thanks,” said Jimmy Joe. “I sure do ‘preciate it. Y’all have a Merry Christmas, now. Safe trip… Ten-four.” He signed off with a lump in his throat and tears in his eyes.
For a moment he just sat there holding the mike while all that flood of emotions and feelings just sort of rolled over him like a great big wave, and when it receded, he felt calm again. Peaceful. As if somebody had put out a hand and touched him and said to him, “Son, everything’s gonna be okay.”
He took a big breath and huffed it out, then dialed in channel 9 and went through his “Mayday, Mayday!” thing once more. He thought he heard some faint mumbles and crackles in response, but since it wasn’t clear enough to be any use to him, he hung the mike back on its hook and left the channel open with the volume turned up loud.
There wasn’t any sound coming from his sleeper, so he turned on the regular radio and found a pretty clear station playing Christmas music, which he left on low just to provide some cover noise in case Mirabella still needed the privacy.
Then he started going over in his mind what she and the baby were going to need, making sure he had everything ready. Thank God, he thought, for his comfortable sleeper and for the reliability of his good ol’ diesel engine. They had the most important things-warmth and shelter and a comfortable bed. Towels and bedding for her; soft, clean flannel shirts to wrap the baby in. The first-aid kit, with scissors and disinfectant and all kinds of stuff to tie off the cord. Even a plastic squeeze bottle that held eyewash-which he dumped out-in case he needed something to suction out the baby’s nose and mouth.
As far as he could see he had everything except water for boiling, but what the heck-he always had wondered what all that hot water was supposed to be for. So it looked like he was ready. Ready as he was ever going to be.
On the radio Garth Brooks was singing “Silent Night.” Jimmy Joe smiled a little, remembering what Mirabella had said about never having heard of him, and turned it up some more so she could hear it.