Silence.
«So Horace went to the Holiday Inn?» Myron asked.
«Yes.»
«Where was Anita?»
Mabel shrugged. «She’d run off already, I guess.»
«And this all happened the first night she ran away?»
«Yes.»
«So Anita could not have been gone for more than a few hours, right?»
«That’s right.»
«So what made Anita change her mind so fast?» Myron asked. «What could possibly have made her decide to give up her daughter that quickly?»
Mabel Edwards rose with a great sigh and made her way to the television set. Her normally supple, fluid movements had been stiffened by her grief. She reached out with a tentative hand and plucked a photograph off the top. Then she showed it to Myron.
«This is Terence’s father, Roland,» she said. «My husband.»
Myron looked at the black-and-white photograph.
«Roland was shot coming home from work. For twelve dollars. Right on our front stoop. Two shots in the head. For twelve dollars.» Her voice was a monotone now, dispassionate. «I didn’t handle it well. Roland was the only man I ever loved. I started drinking. Terence was only a little boy, but he looked so much like his father I could barely stand to look at his face. So
I drank some more. And then I took some drugs. I stopped taking care of my son. The state came and put him in a foster home.»
Mabel looked at Myron for a reaction. He tried to keep his face neutral.
«Anita was the one who saved me. She and Horace sent me away to get clean. It took me a while, but I straightened myself out. Anita took care of Terence in the meantime, so the state wouldn’t take him away from me.» Mabel lifted the reading glasses off her chest and put them on her nose. Then she stared at the image of her dead husband. The longing in her face was so raw, so naked, that Myron felt a tear push into his own eye.
«When I needed her most,» Mabel said, «Anita was there for me. Always.»
She looked at Myron again.
«Do you understand what I’m telling you?»
«No, ma’am, I don’t.»
«Anita was there for me,» Mabel repeated. «But when she was in trouble, where was I? I knew she and Horace were having problems. And I ignored it. She disappeared, and what did I do? I tried to forget her. She ran off, and I bought this nice house away from the slums and tried to put it all behind me. If Anita had just left my brother, well, that would have been awful. But something scared Anita so bad she abandoned her own child. Just like that. And I keep asking myself what that something was. What could have scared her so bad that twenty years later she still won’t come back?»
Myron shifted in the chair. «Have you come up with any answers?»
«Not on my own,» she said. «But I asked Anita once.»
«When?»
«Fifteen years ago, I guess. When she called to check up on Brenda. I asked why she wouldn’t come back and see her own daughter.»
«What did she say?»
Mabel looked him straight in the eye. «She said, "If I come back, Brenda dies." «
Myron felt a cold gust chill his heart. «What did she mean by that?»
«Like it was just a given. Like one and one equals two.» She put the photograph back on top of the television. «I never asked Anita again,» she said. «The way I see it, there are some things you’re just better off never knowing.»
30
Myron and Win took separate cars back to New York City. Brenda’s game started in forty-five minutes. Just enough time to run into the loft and change clothes.
He double-parked on Spring Street and left his key in the ignition. The car was safe: Win was waiting in the Jag for him. Myron took the elevator up. He opened the door. And Jessica was standing there.
He froze.
Jessica looked at him. «I’m not running away,» she said. «Not ever again.»
Myron swallowed, nodded. He tried to step forward, but his legs had other ideas.
«What’s wrong?» she asked.
«A lot,» he said.
«I’m listening.»
«My friend Horace was murdered.»
Jessica closed her eyes. «I’m sorry.»
«And Esperanza’s leaving MB.»
«You couldn’t work something out?»
«No.»
Myron’s cellular phone rang. He snapped the power off. They stood there, neither of them moving.
Then Jessica said, «What else?»
That’s it.»
She shook her head. «You can’t even look at me.»
So he did. Myron lifted his head and stared right at her for the first time since entering the loft. Jessica was, as always, achingly beautiful. He felt something inside him start to rip.
«I almost slept with someone else,» he said.
Jessica did not move. «Almost?»
«Yes.»
«I see,» she said. Then: «So why almost?»
«Pardon?»
«Did she stop it? Or did you?»
«I did.»
«Why?» she asked.
«Why?»
«Yes, Myron, why didn’t you consummate the act?»
«Jesus, that’s a hell of a question.»
«No, not really. You were tempted, right?»
«Yes.»
«More than tempted even,» she added. «You wanted to go through with it.»
«I don’t know.»
Jessica made a buzzing noise. «Liar.»
«Fine, I wanted to go through with it.»
«Why didn’t you?»
«Because I’m involved with another woman,» he said. «In fact, I’m in love with another woman.»
«How chivalrous. So you held back for me?»
«I held back for us.»
«Another lie. You held back for you. Myron Bolitar, the perfect guy, the one-woman wonder.»
She made a fist and put it to her mouth. Myron stepped toward her, but she backed away.
«I’ve been dumb,» Jessica said. «I admit that. I’ve done so many dumb things it’s a wonder you haven’t dumped me. Maybe I did all those dumb things because I knew I could. You’d always love me. No matter how dumb I acted, you’d always love me. So maybe I’m owed a little payback.»
«This isn’t about payback,» Myron said.
«I know, goddamn it.» She wrapped her arms around herself. As though the room had suddenly gone very cold. As though she needed a hug. «That’s what terrifies me.
He kept still and waited.
«You don’t cheat, Myron. You don’t fool around. You don’t have flings. Hell, you don’t even get tempted much. So the question is, how much do you love her?»
Myron held up his hands. «I barely know her.»
«You think that matters?»
«I don’t want to lose you, Jess.»
«And I’m not about to give you up without a fight. But I want to know what I’m up against.»
«It’s not like that.»
«So what’s it like?»
Myron opened his mouth, closed it. Then he said, «Do you want to get married?»
Jessica blinked, but she didn’t step back. «Is this a proposal?»
«I’m asking you a question. Do you want to get married?»
«If that’s what it takes, yeah, I want to get married.»
Myron smiled. «My, what enthusiasm.»
«What do you want me to say, Myron? Whatever you want me to say, I’ll say. Yes, no, whatever will keep you here with me.»
«This isn’t a test, Jess.»
«Then why are you raising marriage all of a sudden?»
«Because I want to be with you forever,» he said. «And I want to buy a house. And I want to have kids.»
«So do I,» she said. «But life is so good right now. We’ve got our careers, our freedom. Why spoil it? There’ll be time for all that later.»
Myron shook his head.
«What?» she said.
«You’re stalling.»
«No, I’m not.»
«Having a family is not something I want to fit into a convenient time block.»
«But now?» Jessica put up her hands. «Right now? This is what you really want? A house in the suburbs like your parents? The Saturday night barbecues? The backyard hoop? The PTA meetings? The back-to-school shopping at the mall? That’s what you really want?»