The Acutes are grinning now, not so uneasy any more, and glad that something out of the ordinarys going on. They all razz Harding, ask him if hes bull goose loony. He lays down his cards.
Harding is a flat, nervous man with a face that sometimes makes you think you seen him in the movies, like its a face too pretty to just be a guy on the street. Hes got wide, thin shoulders and he curves them in around his chest when hes trying to hide inside himself. Hes got hands so long and white and dainty I think they carved each other out of soap, and sometimes they get loose and glide around in front of him free as two white birds until he notices them and traps them between his knees; it bothers him that hes got pretty hands.
Hes president of the Patients Council on account of he has a paper that says he graduated from college. The papers framed and sits on his nightstand next to a picture of a woman in a bathing suit who also looks like youve seen her in the moving pictures shes got very big breasts and shes holding the top of the bathing suit up over them with her fingers and looking sideways at the camera. You can see Harding sitting on a towel behind her, looking skinny in his bathing suit, like hes waiting for some big guy to kick sand on him. Harding brags a lot about having such a woman for a wife, says shes the sexiest woman in the world and she cant get enough of him nights.
When Billy points him out Harding leans back in his chair and assumes an important look, speaks up at the ceiling without looking at Billy or McMurphy. Does this gentleman have an appointment, Mr. Bibbit?
Do you have an appointment, Mr. McM-m-murphy? Mr. Harding is a busy man, nobody sees him without an ap-appointment.
This busy man Mr. Harding, is he the bull goose loony? He looks at Billy with one eye, and Billy nods his head up and down real fast; Billys tickled with all the attention hes getting.
Then you tell Bull Goose Loony Harding that R. P. McMurphy is waiting to see him and that this hospital aint big enough for the two of us. Im accustomed to being top man. I been a bull goose catskinner for every gyppo logging operation in the Northwest and bull goose gambler all the way from Korea, was even bull goose pea weeder on that pea farm at Pendleton so I figure if Im bound to be a loony, then Im bound to be a stompdown dadgum good one. Tell this Harding that he either meets me man to man or hes a yaller skunk and better be outta town by sunset.
Harding leans farther back, hooks his thumbs in his lapels. Bibbit, you tell this young upstart McMurphy that Ill meet him in the main hall at high noon and well settle this affair once and for all, libidos a-blazin. Harding tries to drawl like McMurphy; it sounds funny with his high, breathy voice. You might also warn him, just to be fair, that I have been bull goose loony on this ward for nigh onto two years, and that Im crazier than any man alive.
Mr. Bibbit, you might warn this Mr. Harding that Im so crazy I admit to voting for Eisenhower.
Bibbit! You tell Mr. McMurphy Im so crazy I voted for Eisenhower twice!
And you tell Mr. Harding right back he puts both hands on the table and leans down, his voice getting low that Im so crazy I plan to vote for Eisenhower again this November.
I take off my hat, Harding says, bows his head, and shakes hands with McMurphy. Theres no doubt in my mind that McMurphys won, but Im not sure just what.
All the other Acutes leave what theyve been doing and ease up close to see what new sort this fellow is. Nobody like hims ever been on the ward before. Theyre asking him where hes from and what his business is in a way Ive never seen them do before. He says hes a dedicated man. He says he was just a wanderer and logging bum before the Army took him and taught him what his natural bent was; just like they taught some men to goldbrick and some men to goof off, he says, they taught him to play poker. Since then hes settled down and devoted himself to gambling on all levels. Just play poker and stay single and live where and how he wants to, if people would let him, he says, but you know how society persecutes a dedicated man. Ever since I found my callin I done time in so many small-town jails I could write a brochure. They say Im a habitual hassler. Like I fight some. Sheeut. They didnt mind so much when I was a dumb logger and got into a hassle; thats excusable, they say, thats a hard-workin feller blowing off steam, they say. But if youre a gambler, if they know you to get up a back-room game now and then, all you have to do is spit slantwise and youre a goddamned criminal. Hooee, it was breaking up the budget drivin me to and from the pokey for a while there.
He shakes his head and puffs out his cheeks.
But that was just for a period of time. I learned the ropes. To tell the truth, this sault and battery I was doing in Pendleton was the first hitch in close to a year. Thats why I got busted. I was outa practice; this guy was able to get up off the floor and get to the cops before I left town. A very tough individual
He laughs again and shakes hands and sits down to arm wrestle every time that black boy gets too near him with the thermometer, till hes met everybody on the Acute side. And when he finishes shaking hands with the last Acute he comes right on over to the Chronics, like we arent no different. You cant tell if hes really this friendly or if hes got some gamblers reason for trying to get acquainted with guys so far gone a lot of them dont even know their names.
Hes there pulling Elliss hand off the wall and shaking it just like he was a politician running for something and Elliss vote was good as anybodys. Buddy, he says to Ellis in a solemn voice, my name is R. P. McMurphy and I dont like to see a full-grown man sloshin around in his own water. Whynt you go get dried up?
Ellis looks down at the puddle around his feet in pure surprise. Why, I thank you, he says and even moves off a few steps toward the latrine before the nails pull his hands back to the wall.
McMurphy comes down the line of Chronics, shakes hands with Colonel Matterson and with Ruckly and with Old Pete. He shakes the hands of Wheelers and Walkers and Vegetables, shakes hands that he has to pick up out of laps like picking up dead birds, mechanical birds, wonders of tiny bones and wires that have run down and fallen. Shakes hands with everybody he comes to except Big George the water freak, who grins and shies back from that unsanitary hand, so McMurphy just salutes him and says to his own right hand as he walks away, Hand, how do you suppose that old fellow knew all the evil you been into?
Nobody can make out what hes driving at, or why hes making such a fuss with meeting everybody, but its bettern mixing jigsaw puzzles. He keeps saying its a necessary thing to get around and meet the men hell be dealing with, part of a gamblers job. But he must know he aint going to be dealing with no eighty-year-old organic who couldnt do any more with a playing card than put it in his mouth and gum it awhile. Yet he looks like hes enjoying himself, like hes the sort of guy that gets a laugh out of people.
Im the last one. Still strapped in the chair in the corner. McMurphy stops when he gets to me and hooks his thumbs in his pockets again and leans back to laugh, like he sees something funnier about me than about anybody else. All of a sudden I was scared he was laughing because he knew the way I was sitting there with my knees pulled up and my arms wrapped around them, staring straight ahead as though I couldnt hear a thing, was all an act.
Hooeee, he said, look what we got here.