Stuart doesn’t answer right away. He looks at his fist a moment before cutting his eyes to mine. “You’re right. You will never be like him. You’re not like him. He wanted power. He craved the forbidden fruit. You were forced.” Anger simmers in his tone. “You’re going to stay close to Patrick and me.”
“And when it’s time for me to feed?”
We’re both stumped by that reality. I can’t control the blood lust, and when it takes over, I won’t be myself, no matter what my motivations are.
“I only act on instinct around your kind.” He turns up his forearm. “Still, I won’t let my brother go down alone. We took an oath.”
“I release you from the oath.”
“You don’t have the authority to do that.” He’s quiet again. “Patrick and I will protect you—from yourself and others. You study your records. Find another way.”
“It’s impossible. The blood lust is too powerful.”
Pushing off the floor, he stands. “Then you’ll be the dark knight, preying on the worst criminals. The child molesters.”
Right. Shaking my head, I exhale a defeated laugh. “Now I’m the scales of justice? I get to decide which criminals can’t be saved?”
“Don’t give me that bullshit. We’ve both done this long enough to know who can’t be saved. Your buddy Sloan, for starters.”
He’s right. Even if Sloan weren’t a vampire, chances are good I’d have killed him for what he did to Alison, what he did to Melissa. Although, if he weren’t a vamp, would he have done those things?
It’s too many questions. I’m overwhelmed by all of it. Squinting my eyes, I press my fingers against my lids. “I need time to think about all of this.”
He looks down, and for several moments we don’t say anything. It’s like the days when we were in the desert together, overnight watch, and after several moments our breathing is in time. The rain has slacked off. It’s now a peaceful hiss that will soon be gone.
Stuart shatters that peace. “She wants to see you.”
My brow lowers. “No.”
“Patrick’s already told her he’ll bring her here.”
“What the fuck?” Anger clenches my chest. “He had no right—”
“Look, she went to him in tears.” He pauses to clear his throat. “You know Patrick can’t handle that. She knows what happened. She blames herself.”
Those words have me on my feet. The image of Melissa crying rips me in two. I want to hold her, comfort her. I want to make love to her so badly my insides ache.
“As if she forced my mouth to his neck.” I pace the large stage. “As if she told me I had to go after him. She’s only ever said the opposite. I vowed to save her.” Pausing in my walk, I look at my hands. “It’s the only thing in this whole fucking mess I’m proud of. She’s free.”
“You’re a fool if you think that.” My eyes snap to his, and he continues. “She’s as tied to you as you are to her. We have to find another way if only for that. You’ll never be free of her.”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I exhale a bitter laugh. “I never took you for a romantic.”
“I’m not blind.”
He waits while I process this new information. Melissa. Every fiber of my being longs for her. My need to hold her is stronger than the blood lust—at least for now. I can’t be sure of anything at this point.
“I need to control it,” I say. “He can’t bring her here. I need to be able to get away if anything goes wrong.”
“Say the word.”
“I’ll go to her.” The more I think about it, it’s the only way that makes sense. “Is she still in Algiers?”
“As far as I know.”
Nodding, I look down. “I’ll spend the night here. Tomorrow night, I’ll meet her. But not in the house.”
“I’ll go ahead of you and prepare them. From what Patrick says, Demeter has a pretty extensive backyard garden, trees and woods.”
“I’ll be there at dusk.”
“I’ll let them know.”
17
Find a Way Melissa
The flowers in Demeter’s garden change colors as the sun begins to set. Last night we didn’t linger to watch the yellows and pinks turn to greys and black. Tonight nothing could keep me away. My entire body is humming with anticipation. I’ve been out here since five waiting for the sun to finally begin its descent.
Stuart arrived last night to say Derek would meet me here, and a mixture of excitement and dread surged through my heart. I’m so anxious to see him, hold him, yet, I’m deadly afraid of what he’ll say. I have to be strong until I’ve seen him. Borrowing trouble won’t help me at all.
When Stuart entered her grandmother’s home, Mariska became strangely quiet. I introduced them, realizing it was the first time they’d met. She murmured something like a hello, and walked to where her grandmother stood, almost like she was a little afraid of him.
For his part, Stuart seemed slightly taken aback by Mariska. Demeter rose at once and prepared him a supper of the leftover jambalaya we’d shared. Both women acted as if he was royalty in their home, and I chalked it up to his being the alpha. They were curious about him the night before with Patrick.
I couldn’t be bothered by any of that. I barely slept last night for tossing and turning. When Stuart said Derek was hiding out in the ruined theme park, I almost couldn’t take it. Those creepy remains are the last things he needs in his mental state.
I recall very well the breakdown that tries to take over after the change, the despair and hopelessness. I’d been convinced my life was over.
Stuart assured me Derek wouldn’t do anything desperate, and at least I had the promise of tonight’s visit.
As I slowly walk down the rows of herbs and flowers, the sky deepens into a mixture of purple, red, and even deep green. I’m pulling a sprig of lavender, taking a deep inhale of its woody, relaxing scent when my eye catches movement in the thicket at the end of the yard.
Instantly my heart beats faster. He’s here. I can barely breathe. Frozen in place, I wait. I’m not sure if he’ll come any closer. I’m not sure how he’ll look to me now. My hands begin to tremble. I don’t know how much more of this I can take when he steps out beside an enormous live oak tree.
Our eyes meet, and everything else disappears. He’s so beautiful to me. He’s even more seductive than when I was the vampire and he was my prey.
He seems larger now, dressed in dark jeans and a black V-neck tee. Heavy, black boots are on his feet, and at first he only stands in the shadow of the tree limbs, studying me.
“Hello,” I say, taking a cautious step toward him.
“Wait.” His deep voice floods my insides. “I’m not sure you should come too close.”
His words don’t stop me. My need for him drives me forward. We’re here, on the edge of night, in a thicket where the city loses its fight with the wilderness.
I don’t stop until we’re a breath apart. I can see his chest moving as rapidly as mine. I can see in his eyes he’s barely hanging on to control.
“You saved me.” My voice is high and soft in contrast to his. “Thank you.”
“Melissa…” It’s a whispered groan as his eyes slide closed. His chin drops, and I can’t take it anymore.
I reach out to place my hand against his cheek. “You’re still warm.”
In a sweep, I’m in his arms, held firmly against his chest. His face is in my hair, and I hear him inhale deeply before kissing my temple, my brow, his lovely beard scuffing my skin.
“I can hear your heart beating so fast,” he murmurs. “I can still taste your blood.”
His words don’t frighten me. I’m on fire. I want to make love to him. I want him to bite me. I want to ascend to that plane with him and fly through galaxies of bliss like we’ve done in the past.