Or, for a different perspective, it is you in the audience, watching him crawl onto the stage, a deserted stage. He is standing naked in the bright light, and it will take a little time for him to get used to it, to see past the stage lights, and to see you sitting in the red velvet seat in the last row of the empty theater.
32
The bag the girl left with him had a student card in it. Xu was, in fact, her surname, but her given name was Qian. There were also some pamphlets and reports on the crisis. She could have been heading for Beijing to file a complaint, but all this was public printed matter, so maybe she was just going to Beijing to get out of danger and had given him her bag because she was afraid of being identified.
He had no way of knowing what had happened to Xu Qian and all he could do was search for news about the city from posters and pamphlets posted in the streets. He rode his bicycle along Chang'an Avenue from Dongdan to Xidan, to the railway station at Qianmenwai, and then to the gate at the back of Beihai, and he read through each of the crisis notices about armed battles in the provinces that were posted everywhere. There were reports about massacres, shootings, and brutal tortures, even photographs of corpses, and these all seemed somehow related to Xu Qian. He was certain that disaster had already befallen her, and could not help feeling an acute sense of pain.
The bag, also containing Xu Qian's sleeveless round-neck top with little yellow flowers, which still smelled of her, and the blood-stained underpants she had rolled into a ball, seemed to have become a relic that gave him twinges of pain deep in his heart. It was as if he had developed some sort of fetish, and he kept shifting about the contents of the bag. He even took off the red plastic cover from the copy of Mao's Sayings, where he found a slip of paper with an old address on it. The name Boundless Great Men Hutong had already been changed to Red Star Hutong, and it probably was the home of her maternal aunt. He charged out the door but, thinking he would appear too presumptuous, returned to his room, stuffed all the things on the table back into the bag, and took it with him, leaving behind only the top and underpants she had worn that night.
At ten o'clock at night, he knocked on the gate of a house with a courtyard and got them to open up. A sturdy young fellow who stood blocking the entrance gruffly asked, "Who are you looking for?"
He said that he wanted to see the maternal aunt of Xu Qian. The young fellow scowled and was clearly hostile. He thought of mentioning his Red Guard lineage, but that strong impulse vanished, and he said coldly, "I've come to convey a message and to deliver something to her aunt."
At this, the other party said to wait, and closed the gate. After a while, the young fellow came back and opened the door. He was with an elderly woman. The woman looked him over and politely asked what could he have to tell her. He took out Xu Qian's student card and said he had something to hand over to her.
"Please come in," the woman said.
The northern room directly facing the courtyard was in disarray but retained the style of a senior cadre's reception hall.
"Are you her maternal aunt?" he asked.
The only response seemed to be a nod, as she got him to sit down on the sofa.
He said that her niece-presumably, it was her niece-was stopped on the wharf and couldn't get on the ferry. The aunt looked through the pile of pamphlets. He said it was very tense in the city, machine guns were being used, and there were night searches. Xu Qian clearly belonged to the faction they were searching for.
"Why are they rebelling!'" the aunt exclaimed, or, maybe, asked, as she put the pamphlets on a low table.
He explained he was worried that something might have happened to Xu Qian.
"Are you her boyfriend?"
"No." He wanted to say that he was.
There was a lapse of silence, so he got up and said, "I just came to let you know. Of course, I hope nothing has happened and she is safe."
"I'll get in touch with her parents."
"I don't have her home address," he mustered the courage to say.
"I will write to her family."
The aunt clearly didn't intend to give him the address, so he could only say, "I can leave the address and telephone number of my work unit."
The old woman gave him a piece of paper to write on, then escorted him to the gate. As she locked it on the other side, she said, "You know this place, you're welcome to come again."
She was just being polite in response to his unnecessary act of kindness.
Back in his room, he lay on his bed and tried to remember every detail of what had happened that night, every word Xu Qian had spoken. Her voice in the dark and the responsiveness of her body were now etched in his mind.
There was knocking on his door. It was a cadre from his faction. Huang came in and asked, "When did you get back? I've been here several times, looking for you. You haven't shown up at the work-place, what have you been up to? You can't keep on being so carefree! They are beating up the cadres one at a time, and are breaking up our meetings!"
"When did this start?" he asked.
"This afternoon. They have already started fighting!"
"Has anyone been hurt?"
Huang said Danian's gang beat up the section chief in charge of accounts in the finance office and broke the man's ribs when they kicked him. It was because he had a capitalist family background. The cadres who showed support for his faction have all been threatened. Huang's background as a petty trader was also bad, even though he had been a Party member for almost twenty years.
"If you can't protect the cadres who are supporting you, your faction will be crushed!" Huang was agitated.
"I withdrew from the command unit a long time ago and only do survey work," he said.
"But everyone wants you to come and take charge. Big Li and the others don't realize that they have to protect the cadres. Everyone is from the old society. Whose family or relatives don't have some problem? They have announced a big meeting to haul out and denounce Old Liu and Comrade Wang Qi. If your crowd doesn't stop them, none of the cadres will dare to join forces with your crowd. I'm not the only one who thinks this, and Old Liu and a number of middle-ranking cadres have sent me to find you. We all have faith in you and support you. You must come forward to hold them off!"
The cadres were also forming their alliances behind the scenes, and the struggle for power had resulted in everyone forming gangs and factions just to survive. He had been chosen by the cadres behind his faction, and was again being pushed center stage.
"My wife also asked me to talk to you. We've got a small child, and, if we're branded as something or other, what will happen to our child?" Huang looked hopefully at him.
He knew Huang's wife. She worked in the same department, and it was hard not to be sympathetic. Maybe he was upset about having lost Xu Qian. Her being intercepted, and the humiliation he imagined she would have to suffer, had again triggered off his feelings of righteous indignation. His innate feeling of sympathy and compassion for the powerless or threatened generated an impulse that drew on his lingering heroism. Probably because his spine hadn't been broken, he refused to allow himself to be defeated. That night, he sought out Little Yu and persuaded him that the cadres supporting them had to be protected. Yu immediately went off to see Big Li. That night, he didn't sleep, but went out to enlist several other youths.