“I don’t know what you are,” I said. “But I know you’re never going to tell me. Needless to say, I can’t deal with that kind of relationship.”
“We all compromise somewhere down the line.”
“Not me.” Not anymore.
I wanted to get back down to the earth to see how Wendy was doing with her fully realized gift of sight. I wanted to introduce her to McGlinn so they would know they weren’t alone. I wanted to see the ghosts who’d already grown on me. But most of all, there was an even bigger murder to solve down there.
Mine.
Fake Dean had slid his hand over my stomach, and I reached up, putting my palm over him, even though the warmth rayed through me, giving me more strength.
“No compromises,” I said, pushing his hand away. “Ever.”
He smiled, amused by my challenge. Beings like him probably thrived on those.
Then, out of nowhere, he changed.
It was a subliminal fraction of a second that I wasn’t even sure was real, but I saw a ghostly image of a man—only an impression of dark compelling eyes and cheekbones to die for—then…
Bam. A flash of an angry, roaring beast.
I bolted up and averted my head, but when I glanced back at fake Dean, he’d shed that awful last image, and he was my old boyfriend again, grinning as if I’d imagined everything.
“What was that?” I was floating in midair still, like I was on an invisible pallet.
“What?”
Damn, he liked screwing around, and I knew asking more about that image would go nowhere.
“I think I want to go now.”
“Come on, Jenny. You have me at your disposal. Don’t you want to know anything else? Like how I know all about Dean?”
“You’re not going to tell me.”
He shrugged, like he still thought I’d change my mind about staying. “You know that I watch everything that goes on. Time doesn’t exist for me like it exists for you. I can go back and forth at my leisure.”
Dean used to say that. At my leisure. The sound of it tweaked me.
“I was watching when the two of you met at the beach,” he said. “A summer’s day with your friends, lying on a blanket in your Lightning Bolt swimsuit. He was coming out of the water with his surfboard and a couple of buddies, and they were camped nearby. You liked him right away, and after you got to talking, you found out he was educated, cool, and had his whole life together. You weren’t far out of high school then, and you admired where he was going.”
“I wanted to go there, too, wherever it was,” I said.
“You still can.”
His gaze locked on mine, and he reached out, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. Then he pulled a dirty trick that he’d used before to great success.
He assumed my Dean’s personality, not just his appearance.
“When I pulled away from you in my car that day,” he said, “driving off to college, I almost turned back around. What if I had, Jenny? Where would we be now?”
I shook my head, shying away from his touch.
But he captured my chin between his thumb and forefinger. “You could find out right now.”
“By lying back down and becoming one of your collection?”
“Don’t think of it that way. Just think of how I’m waiting for you if you’d just relax and close your eyes. Why don’t you give it a try, and if you don’t like it…”
He nearly had me. I mean, why not when Dean was waiting for me? The Dean of my fantasies. The guy I’d lived for and died without.
He must’ve sensed that I needed more of a push, and he bent his head, his hair getting darker, his entire body transforming…
When he looked up, he’d become my mom, looking as she’d looked on the day I last saw her: tanned, with the same blond-red hair I had except short and windblown. She was still young enough to have freckles across her nose and cheeks and not have anyone mistake them as age spots.
“I’m there, too, Jen,” she said. “So is Suzanne. You haven’t seen her in years, and she hasn’t changed a bit.”
Suze. I’d visited her just after Amanda Lee had pulled me out of my time loop; she was old before her time, weary. I wished I’d never seen the present-day Suze, and here I was, being offered a chance to forget that one ever existed.
Next thing I knew, my dad was touching my cheek. My Brawny Paper Towel Man dad, with his mustache and carefree light brown hair.
“What’s down there that’s better than up here?” he asked. “Don’t you love us enough to be with us?”
I couldn’t look at him and not feel. He was the one who would always sneak me out of the house to get me chocolate-dipped ice-cream cones at Foster’s Freeze. He was the one who’d tried to be all tough and not to get emotional when Brad Shea had picked me up for my first date to homecoming.
I’d been a daddy’s girl, and to hear him ask if I didn’t love him anymore? It was too much to resist. Just imagine—a place where no one ever died or left you behind. A spot where I could forget what I’d experienced tonight with all the pain and blood. A haven where I’d never been killed.
What was our existence, anyway? A mirage? One big hallucination caused by the hugest spirit of all?
I almost allowed this entity to lure me into his star collection right then and there, but then something odd happened. In the quiet of the star place, I heard a voice echoing. Two voices.
And they sounded like Randy and Louis.
Immediately, my dad disappeared and fake Dean came to take his place, chuckling, obviously knowing that I wasn’t deaf.
“Looks like you’re strong enough to hear them now,” he said. “I was hoping I’d have enough time to woo you before that happened.”
“Why do I hear them?”
“They’re a part of the air, and they’ve been calling for you nonstop. Louis summoned Randy, and they’re with Amanda Lee, worrying about how long you’ve been away without reporting in. It’s an hour away from sunrise down there.”
I heard the concern in Randy’s and Louis’s voices as they faded.
Randy, who could have been knocking over bottles in bars instead. Louis, who could have been spending his time with his nose in a book.
I got off the invisi-pallet and stood, knowing that, if I left, I wouldn’t have this body anymore. I wouldn’t be able to feel the real Dean’s fingers on my face or my arms or legs unless I encountered him in a dream. And I wouldn’t see my mom and dad again unless I someday moved on, too.
I could have all that here, but was it what I really wanted? My old life?
“This sounds funny,” I said, “but I actually have too much to live for down there. Does that make any sense?”
I could see that I’d only ratcheted up fake Dean’s interest in me with my resistance. I could see it in his eyes.
“Nothing about you makes sense,” he said. “And everything, too.”
Cryptic, but what was new?
I had to get back. I didn’t like that Randy and Louis were worried. “Thanks for the save.”
“You’re welcome, but you realize one thing, don’t you? Someday you’re gonna come back to me.”
His words were playful but dark. He said this like he was only letting me go right now because he knew where the line between seduction and force was.
“Don’t hold your breath,” I said.
I started to walk away, and this show of independence would’ve been awesome except for the fact that I didn’t know where the exit to this damned place was.
As I put my hands on my hips, fake Dean laughed, but then got serious pretty quickly.
“One more thing,” he said. “Keep an eye out for what you call the ‘dark spirit.’ It’s still out there, and it’s just as interested in you as I am.”
That gave me the brrrs in my star-place body, but I wasn’t about to let him see that.