And now his suspicions were confirmed. The sister and Agnes came out together. They got into the car without ceremony. They drove off. It could be explained in many ways, but the associate professor was suddenly convinced that Agnes had resigned her long service with Ohler and now definitively taken off.
It pleased him. He liked the thought that the professor would live alone in that gigantic house.
Thirty-seven
During the first few days on Gräsö Agnes grappled with a sense of unreality. Her childhood and youth were there. The terrain, physical as well as emotional, was carved for all time into her awareness. Every stone in the hills around the house and every breeze that swept around the corners, the slightly raw aroma of the sea and the slightly musty smell in the corners of the house, everything was familiar, yet so foreign.
She had walked down to the sea. There was a westerly wind and it felt warm in the sunshine down by the pier. There was no boat there anymore, hadn’t been for many years, but the shore was still a natural destination for a stroll. Submerged in the tangled grass was the last rowboat the family owned.
She walked around and breathed, and every breath was like a slow, successive airing of the old life.
Agnes had not wanted to discuss or even comment on the strange, mournful parting from Ohler. Greta seemed to be of the same opinion. She seemed in a strange way unwilling to talk with her at all, beyond what was required so that they could function under the same roof. The change was tangible. In Uppsala she had been talkative, almost tenderhearted, and unexpectedly physical. Now she seemed pensive, hesitant in her movements and lost in her own house. But above all silent. Agnes had caught her crying but her sister would not say why, other than that she was tired and felt out of sorts, perhaps it was a cold coming on. Agnes did not believe that for a moment. It had been years since Greta had a cold. No, it was something else, that was clearly written on Greta’s tormented face.
There was so much Agnes wanted to ask about, not least what Greta meant when she said that she rescued the Ohler family from “disgrace,” but she decided to wait. Agnes understood that something had happened the night before while she was asleep, not least due to the frightened expression on Birgitta’s face and Liisa’s unexpectedly passive demeanor the next morning.
Even though she was the one who had been in Ohler’s household for so many years, Greta stood out as the most well informed. That especially applied to what concerned Anna. That the old professor would have gone out to Gräsö and “talked nonsense” to Aron about Anna was news to Agnes. She could not remember the visit. That was not really so strange; in 1944 she was only a child. But she suspected that Anna’s disappearance had to do with that visit, even if she did not really understand how. She really wanted to know, but there was no need to rush. Soon enough she would bring it up with Greta.
Why had Anna quit so suddenly? Greta had spit out something about her guessing what had happened. What could it be? Agnes could guess too. Perhaps Bertram had assaulted her sister? Just as he had done with her, thirty years later.
Just as every time she remembered that June evening in 1973 she felt embarrassed. Not so much for his fumbling hands and sweaty excitement, but rather because she actually liked it. She could not lie to herself. After the first awkward, slightly rough treatment Bertram had been tender, caressed her across her back, whispered about how long he had wanted her and in that way managed to excite her.
She knew that all the things he was saying were lies but they were neatly packaged and she let herself be deceived, grasped at his assurances as if they were famine food, starved for love as she was. The memory of what played out that June evening always made her face beet red. So too this time.
Afterward both of them acted as if nothing had happened. Without saying so she was grateful to him in a way. She had experienced the closeness of a man, and to start with she waited-with mixed emotions and feeling very guilty-for it to be repeated. But Bertram took no further initiatives.
Had he been after Greta too? It was not impossible. Was that perhaps the origin of her sister’s anger? But who would really want to talk about it so long afterward? Definitely not her and surely not Greta either.
The Andersson family had always functioned that way: What was unpleasant was repressed, possibly to be resolved later. But the right time usually never appeared. Either it was too close, the wounds too fresh and sensitive, or else it was too long ago to start rooting around in.
Greta had spoken about skeletons in the closet in the Ohler household, that there were so many they could fill a whole cemetery, and that was surely correct. On the other hand there were plenty of skeletons in the Andersson family’s closets too. The two families had been intertwined for so many years that there were probably quite a few skeletons in common.
But why pull them out of the corners? Was it necessary, or even desirable? Agnes did not think so. She was happy to have gotten away from Uppsala and Bertram. Now she wanted to enjoy life. She probably did not have that many years left and did not want to let old unresolved grudges poison that time. She had had enough during her years in Kåbo. Now she wanted to live.
She approached the rowboat and its leaky belly. She carefully set her foot against the planking, pressed a little, and the wood gave way. It was the boat Aron used to row out in to catch a little herring in the spring, or perhaps put out a few nets. Mostly out of old habit. Soon the boat would disappear completely, become one with the grass.
There was something very desolate about the old dock. Autumn had taken hold. Everything collapsed, turned gray. Agnes longed for ice and snow, the winter resting period.
She walked carefully out on the pier, though it rocked and creaked alarmingly, and remained standing a good while surrounded by water. It splashed below her feet. Far off in the distance the islets Jankobben and Änglaskäret could be glimpsed. She repeated silently to herself one of the prayers from her childhood.
“Amen!” she concluded, raising her head and looking toward the sky.
A great calm came over her, now she was quite convinced that it was right to move home to the island. Best that I go up, she thought, before Greta gets worried.
There was a car in the farmyard. She recognized it immediately. The calm she had achieved was immediately changed to worry that in turn quickly turned to anger. She felt that she had abandoned Greta-a ridiculous thought, as her sister could very well take care of herself, but ever since the showdown at Ohler’s Agnes felt more strongly than ever that she and Greta were connected. They had no one else they could rely on completely.
She hurried inside. In the kitchen Birgitta and Liisa were sitting on either side of the table. Greta was standing by the counter. They gave each other a quick look. Agnes wanted to laugh. Greta was in a fighting mood. No one could get the better of her.
“They think we’re short of money,” said Greta.
Liisa sighed. Agnes listened to Birgitta’s protests, a stream of words. She was very nervous, Agnes understood that immediately, she was talking constantly and had a hunted expression on her face. She made a gesture with her hand toward the table.
Only then did Agnes see the money that was piled in front of Birgitta. It was a thick bundle of five-hundred-kronor notes held together by a rubber band. She realized that it must be tens of thousands of kronor. Something burst. She went over to the table and leaned over the woman she had seen grow up, took hold of her ears and pulled. Birgitta was forced to get up. She shrieked.
“Shame on you! How dare you come here with money!”
It took a second or two for Liisa to react, but once she did it all happened very quickly. She threw her arms around Agnes and basically lifted her up completely off the floor. Agnes was forced to let go of Birgitta’s ears.