Besides, I told myself, it was just an experiment, and I didn't have to do it again." At this point, the subject smiled wanly and said, "At least, I thought I didn't have to do it again.
But I kept thinking about how great it was. And there it was, ready, willing and available to me. It was sure better than going to a prostitute. This, at least, was keeping it in the family.
Anyway, I couldn't resist doing it again, one time when my wife was out shopping. It was funny, the way I'd gotten to suggesting she-my wife, that is-get out more often. You know, go out to a movie or shopping or to the beauty parlor while I stayed home and babysat. Rosa was actually pleased that I was taking such an interest in our child. Of course I didn't tell her what kind of an interest I was taking, though I came close by saying that Liz and I had a lot of fun together.
I suppose it was inevitable that I should get discovered. One afternoon, Rosa came home earlier than expected, while I was so busy letting Liz nibble on my dick I didn't hear her. It wasn't until I heard a shocked gasp from the bedroom doorway that I
realized the child and I weren't alone. I looked up and was as startled as she was. I was pretty close to having an orgasm, and the sight of Rosa standing there with a shocked, white face made me lose all control and let go.
I spurted right into Liz's mouth this time, and she started choking and gagging. Rosa came rushing up to take care of her while I backed away, zipping up my pants and wondering how in hell} was going to explain this away. There was obviously no way I could. Rosa came at me with venom in her eyes. She said I was a filthy, perverted animal, doing something like that to an innocent child, and, I should be locked up in prison or an insane asylum.
To tell the truth, I was embarrassed but I was pretty sore myself. I started shouting at her. I said it was her own fault because she wouldn't suck me off. Then I stormed out of the house and went to the nearest bar to get drunk. Actually, I guess I just wanted to get out of the house so I wouldn't have to look at her accusing face. Even after a half dozen drinks, I knew that she was right and I was wrong. So I went back home and begged her to forgive me. I went through the whole bit, dragging in the marriage manuals to show that what I wanted from her was considered all right and wouldn't be so bad if she tried it. All the while, she gave me the silent treatment. I was pretty pooped by that time anyway, so I just got undressed and went to bed.
I don't know what time it was, but it was still dark outside when I woke feeling very good. I could tell that I had a hard on, and in the darkness of the bedroom someone was mouthing my dick. I could tell it was Rosa. She didn't seem to enthusiastic about it, but at least she was trying. I'm generally. a pretty heavy sleeper, and I guessed she was practicing on me, thinking I wouldn't wake up. So I pretended I was still asleep, because I was enjoying it and didn't want to get embarrassed and stop what she was doing.
Right about then I was feeling no pain, that's for sure. I was thinking now that Rosa had started doing this to me, I'd really have myself a good sex life. Of course" I knew she was probably only doing it to keep me away from the kid, but that was okay. I didn't care what her reasons were for doing it, just as long as she did it. And she was doing it now, not too well, but well enough. I could feel her warm lips, the hot cavity of her mouth as I slipped in and out, in and out, the tip of my dick touching her tongue each time it went in.
When I started to come, she tried to move away, but I reached down and held her head. I could see her eyes widen and she pushed against me, trying to get free. But I held her tightly and thrust my dick deep into her mouth and came.
Then I sighed relief and let go of her head. She got up off the bed staggered out of the bedroom and into the bathroom, where she threw up into the toilet. I could hear her muttering curses and what a filthy pig I was, and then she gargled her mouth out about a dozen times. I remembered thinking, just before I dropped off into a contented sleep, that I'd have to stop at the drug store and get lots of mouthwash.
That's what I thought, but I was wrong. Sure, during the months that followed, she kept going' down on me-but only when I really went after her and demanded it. And even then it wasn't as good as it should have been. What bothered me the most was that every time she did it, she kept gagging like she was going to throw up allover me, and afterward we did go into the bathroom and get sick. I started resenting her attitude, but I didn't know what I was going to do about it.
That is, I didn't until one day when my wife Rosa was out visiting her mother. She'd decided that since she was making the big sacrifice, I'd leave little Liz alone. The kid was walking around now, and this time she stopped right in front of my spread legs where I was sitting, reached out to steady herself-and touched me in front. I could feel her warm palm move against my dick even through the cloth, and I couldn't help but wonder if she'd like a toy to play with that she hadn't seen for awhile.
Before I could even think to talk myself out of it, I'd unzipped my fly and pulled my dick out. Liz was at just about the right height to examine it, which she did with both hands, turning it this way and that, squeezing it. I started getting hard right in her hands, and she seemed pleased with what was happening.
And then she did with all her toys. She put it in her mouth…
I know a lot of people would think it was a rotten, dirty thing for me to do to an innocent child. But it was that very innocence which attracted me. My wife Rosa sucked me off but didn't really know what it was all about: and that seemed for some to make it all the sexier.
So I'd started in again. I let Rosa alone more often after that, and I guess that's what made her get suspicious. Now that Liz was older and couldn't mistake my stiff dick for her-bottle nipple, her attention drifted from playing with the new toy. Besides that, the taste of it seemed unappetizing to her. What she did like, though, was grape Jelly, which my wife used to spread on toast for her every morning. That's how I got the Idea to take a knife and spread a little of the Jelly over my dick and touch her lips with it. After that, I never had any trouble having her suck and lick it.
And it was one afternoon when she was doing that, that Rosa come into the room and discovered us."
The subject then reported how his understandably irate wife grabbed up the knife he'd used to jelly his sex organ and tried to castrate him with it. She failed in the attempt, but she did institute divorce proceedings against the man threatening to bring out the facts in court unless he sought competent psychological treatment. Aware of the social stigma inherent in the act he'd committed and criminal aspect of it, the subject readily agreed, and is currently undergoing analysis.
This may be an extreme case, but it does serve to illustrate the compulsive nature of many sex acts. While there is an obvious undercurrent of guilt and anxiety in the subject at present, he insists on rationalizing his behavior in that his wife refuses him, so he merely utilized a substitute. There is undoubtedly more to his motivations than this, ego his background, family life, sexual experiences and lack of them, etc. But delving into these matters is not our concern at this point and is more suitable for the psychiatrist's couch.
As mentioned, the case may be extreme, but it is not unique. Many other similar instances came to light, with variations on the same theme. For example, a reverse instance came during an interview when a young mother freely admitted that she kissed her infant son "all over," which included his testicles and penis, and eyen sucked on him because it pleased him. She regarded this activity, however, as a mere show of affection and not of any psychological significance.