I can’t stand this. I can’t take not knowing what this is. What I’m risking my best friend for. “Toby, why did you ask me to come here today?”
He lets go of my hand and looks away. “I guess I thought it would be fun to hang out.”
“Oh.” So it is about being friends. My stomach lurches.
He meets my gaze. “Do you wish you hadn’t come?”
“No.” I don’t even have to think about it. I want to be here with Toby.
“Good. Then it’s our little secret.” He winks.
***
After the bowling alley, I drive home more confused than ever. I don’t pay attention at all through dinner, and Mom and Dad are convinced I’m having boy trouble. If they only knew. I go to my room and flop on my bed. I have to call Tori. I can’t put it off, especially since I have no intention of going to her house tonight.
She picks up on the first ring. “About time. I thought the diseases from the bowling alley had already hospitalized you.”
“Not yet.” My attempt at humor is pathetic, but I’m still pissed with her about the whole Allison thing. And it’s not even like I can confront her about it without her finding out Toby told me. That would lead to an even bigger problem. I swallow my feelings…for the moment.
“So, do you really have to go out for the bowling team?” She crunches in my ear, probably eating pretzels in bed again.
“Nah. I’ll get out of it.”
“What time are you coming over?”
“Um, I don’t think I am.”
The crunching stops. “Why not?” I hear her shuffling on the other end. “Becca, what’s going on? Are you avoiding me?”
“No. Not at all.”
“Sure seems like it.”
“I swear I’m not.”
“Then why are you blowing off your tutoring session with Toby?”
“We didn’t have plans to study tonight.”
“Not what he said.”
Toby told Tori we were studying tonight? He never mentioned it to me. “Guess I forgot.”
“Well, get your ass over here.”
“Twenty minutes.”
I hang up and stare at the wall. Seeing Toby twice in one day? Maybe I wasn’t wrong to read into us hanging out. He’s risking a lot to spend time with me. We both are. This can’t just be about being friends. There has to be something more going on. I know there is on my end. And what about the way he touched my hand? The way he paid for our “not a date?”
I have to find out how he really feels about me. Because I’m falling for him. Hard.
Chapter Seven
“Does that make sense to you?” Toby asks, but I’m so lost in his blue eyes that I’m not processing anything.
“Um, sort of?”
He laughs and puts the book aside, leaning back against his headboard. “Let’s take a break. You deserve it.”
No, I don’t. I haven’t been paying attention at all. “How come you didn’t mention us studying tonight to me? You only told Tori.”
He shrugs. “I figured it was a regular thing.”
Makes sense. “Did Tori ask where you were earlier?”
“Nah. She never cares where I go.”
“Okay. Good.”
“You worried?” He turns on his side, and he’s so close I can barely breathe. My heart pounds inside my chest, and I’m suddenly worried that my minty gum has lost its flavor.
“A little, after what you told me about Allison.”
“We don’t have to hang out anymore if you think it’s a bad idea.”
“No,” I answer way too quickly.
He laughs. “Good.”
“You always do that.”
“Do what?” He shifts closer to me. God, he smells good. A combination of mint and shampoo.
“You’re…” Why am I such a chicken? I should just say it and get it out there. Then I’d know how he feels.
“Flirting with you.” He smiles.
Holy crap! I swallow and look up at the ceiling.
“Sorry. I’ve been told I’m a flirt.”
So he does this with everyone? That would put me back where I was twenty seconds ago. “How’s that girl you were telling me about?”
“What girl?”
“The one you said you liked. The one who’s standing in Meredith’s way.”
He laughs. “There’s a lot more than a girl standing in Meredith’s way.”
That doesn’t answer my question at all. I’m about to burst. Just tell me who you like and put me out of my misery already! “But there is a girl.”
“Yeah.”
“Then why would you admit to flirting with me? Wouldn’t she mind?”
“I’m trying to figure that out.” He sits up slightly and tilts my chin toward him with his finger. I forget how to breathe. His lips are so close to mine, and his eyes are slowly going back and forth between mine and my mouth. Oh God! Is he going to kiss me?
He leans closer, but I’m frozen in place. I want to kiss him. It’s all I want to do, but my stupid body is betraying me. I can’t move!
“Is this okay?” He’s not even an inch away, and his bottom lip brushes mine.
I’m screaming on the inside, but if I kiss him, I’ll be choosing him over Tori. Trading my best friend in for the guy I’ve been wanting for years. Can I do that? Is that the person I’ve become?
“Becca?” He pulls back slightly, studying my face.
“Yeah?” I manage to squeak out.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have tried to kiss you.”
“It’s okay. It’s just that Tori’s not going to like this,” I say and immediately want to smack my forehead. Why did I bring up Tori? I blew my chance to kiss Toby.
“I know.” He sits up, and it’s all I can do not to grab him and pull his lips to mine.
“I don’t really know what to do here.” If I could split myself in two and have both Tori and Toby, I would.
“I put you in a bad spot. It’s totally on me. Don’t worry about it.”
But it’s all I can think about. Toby actually likes me. Me. “It’s not all you.”
He looks into my eyes and I swallow hard. Understanding washes over his face. “You wanted to kiss me, but you’re afraid you’ll lose Tori if you do.”
I nod because I don’t think I can bear to say the words.
“You’re a good friend, Becca. Tori’s lucky to have you.”
“If I was such a good friend, I wouldn’t have put myself in this situation.”
He cocks his head and leans closer to me. His scent fills my head, and it’s so intoxicating. “Forget about Tori for a minute. What do you want?” He reaches forward and brushes his thumb across my bottom lip. My lips part in response, and I lean into him. I know exactly what I want. Him.
His eyes lock on mine as he slowly inches toward my mouth. I know he’s giving me a chance to say no, but I’m not strong enough to stop him twice. His lips press against mine, so lightly. I want to devour him, but I’ve never been kissed like this before. It’s soft, yet passionate. Better than any kiss I’ve ever had. I don’t want it to end, but he pulls back and looks into my eyes again. He doesn’t say a word, just studies my face, waiting for my reaction.
“That was amazing.”
He smiles, but it quickly fades. “But it can’t happen again, right?”
No. It has to happen again. Right now. Please! “I didn’t say that.”
He slides closer to me. “You had no idea I was talking about you, did you?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re the girl, Becca. You’re the one I like.”
My mind’s been in such a cloud that I didn’t put it together. I have to be dreaming. Stuff like this doesn’t happen to me. Toby is supposed to be with Meredith. Not me.
“I’ll take your silence to mean I’m right.” He reaches for my hand, our fingertips brushing against each other.
A loud knock on the door makes me jerk my hand away. Tori bursts in. “How long do you plan on torturing Becca tonight?”
Torture? This is anything but.
“She’s all yours,” Toby says. He gets up and walks over to his desk to feed Elvis, as if nothing happened. I, on the other hand, fumble with my books, totally missing my bag when I try to put them away.
Tori laughs. “Man, Becca, you are so weird lately. Totally spastic.”
Toby turns and smiles at me. Luckily Tori has her back to him so she can’t see.
“Thanks, Toby,” I say and walk out of the room before my face can get any redder.