“I didn’t do so great on my trig test today. I totally blanked.”
She hands me a bottle of water. “Maybe you need a better tutor. Toby’s smart, but he obviously isn’t a good teacher.”
“No, he is. I just suck at math.”
“So does this mean you’ll be spending all your time with him instead of hanging out with me?”
“Yes, it does, little sis.” Toby walks into the kitchen, cell phone in hand.
Tori glares at him. “I’m four minutes younger than you.”
“Like I said, little sis.” He ruffles her hair, which gets him smacked in the chest four times.
“There, one for every minute older than me.” She pats her hair back into place and grimaces at him.
“Don’t be so mean. I have good news for you.”
She crosses her arms. “I doubt that.”
“Hear him out,” I say, playing mediator as usual.
“Fine. What’s the good news?”
“Well, apparently you’re not a total spaz because Ryder said he wants to hang out with you again.”
Her arms fall to her sides, and her mouth hangs open.
“Tori, are you okay?” I ask, looking back and forth between her and Toby.
“Give her a minute, and you may want to cover your ears,” Toby says.
“What? Why?”
Before he can answer, Tori lets out a shriek. I cover my ears, but it’s too late. I won’t be surprised if I fail my next hearing test.
“You better not be kidding me. I’ll kill you if you are. Then I’ll hunt down your secret girlfriend and kill her, too.”
“My secret girlfriend?” He narrows his eyes at her.
Tori looks at me and shrugs. “Might as well get this out in the open.”
Get what out in the open? Toby and I exchange worried looks.
“I know you’re seeing someone. You came home with rainbow sprinkles on you. You hate them. And you’ve been all goofy and happy. It’s annoying, and it can only mean you’re hooking up with someone new. Someone better than Meredith—not that it’s hard to find someone better than her.”
Toby laughs. “You think that just because I told Meredith I’m not into her, I must be hooking up with someone else?”
“That’s what I said. Becca thinks so too.” She picks up her water bottle and points it at me.
“Oh, you do?” Toby’s almost too good at lying. Even I’m convinced he thinks we’re full of shit.
I shrug. “I don’t know.”
“Well, for both of your information—not that it’s any of your business—the guy at the ice cream place screwed up my order. I was in a good mood, so I didn’t send it back. And what do you know? Rainbow sprinkles really are better than chocolate.”
Tori puts her water down again. “And what about the goofy grin you’ve been wearing all the time?”
“I finally got rid of Meredith. Why wouldn’t I be grinning?”
“I know she’s a tool, but you never seemed to mind her attention before. Why now?” Tori might have a future as a detective, or maybe a lawyer. I’m just glad I’m not on the receiving end of her interrogation.
“It got annoying after a while. I only told her I was into someone else to let her down gently. Meredith isn’t the type of girl who’d back off because I said I didn’t like her. She’d try to change my opinion of her instead. Why are you girls always thinking you can change the guys you like and make them into your ideal, anyway?”
“Don’t turn this around on us,” Tori says.
“Fine. Are you finished with your questioning? Becca and I need to study.”
“What about Ryder? When does he want to hang out?”
“Didn’t say. I’ll talk to him and get back to you.” He turns to me. “You coming?”
Tori waves him away. “Fine. Go. Take my best friend, but remember she’s not your friend.”
He walks away. “Heard you loud and clear.”
She shakes her head. “Ugh, how do you put up with him? Seriously, request another tutor.”
“But then I’d never get to see you.” I put my hand on her shoulder. “At least this way, I’m only two doors away and I can see you before and after.”
“I guess you’re right. Go study.”
I give her a smile and head upstairs. Maybe I’m getting better at lying. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I knock on Toby’s door and it opens immediately.
“What took you so long?”
I walk inside, and he locks the door behind me.
“I’m not supposed to seem eager to study with you, remember?”
“Right.” He inches closer, and his fingers reach for my belt loop and tug me closer. As much as I love kissing him, I can’t help but wonder if that’s all he’s in this for. Does he even want to be my boyfriend?
“I guess we should start with the questions I couldn’t get on the trig test today.”
“You want to study?” He steps back, cocking his head at me.
“Um, if I don’t do better in trig, Mr. Rollar will assign me a new tutor, and then how would we see each other?”
“Touché.” Why does he have to sound so adorable when he says that?
I step closer to him so there are mere inches between us. “Teach me quickly, and we’ll have plenty of time left over.”
“How about we exhaust ourselves and then study?”
I laugh. “Because I have a feeling you don’t exhaust easily.” Oh crap. Did I really just say that? All we’ve done is kiss a few times. Why did I have to go there? I turn away, too embarrassed to look at him.
He reaches for my hand. “Hey.”
“What?” I don’t turn back to him.
“I’m not going to pressure you, you know.”
That’s good to hear. “I know.”
“You’ve never…”
“I so don’t want to have this conversation.” I let go of his hand, walk to the bed, and open my bag. “Can we please just work on trig?”
“Sure.” For the first time ever, he grabs the desk chair and pulls it over to the bed. Great. Now I’ve made him totally uncomfortable thanks to my lameness.
We spend an hour doing nothing but trig. I want to smack myself for so many reasons. First, the problems I missed on today’s test were so easy. I don’t know how I blanked on them. But more than that, I inadvertently admitted I’m a virgin to Toby, of all people, and he hasn’t even so much as touched my hand since. This night is officially ruined.
After we finish studying, I take off. I tell Tori I’m beat, and I drive home. Mom and Dad saved me a plate of meatloaf and mashed potatoes, and even though I’m not hungry, I force it down and tell them about my day. Most of it, anyway.
“Why do you think you struggled with your test?” Mom asked.
“Yeah, I thought Toby’s been tutoring you every night.” Dad adjusts his glasses, his gaze never leaving me.
“I think my nerves got the best of me. I knew this chapter inside out yesterday, and it all came back to me during my tutoring session this afternoon. I just have to find a way to make this stuff stick in my head long enough to take the exams.” I shrug a shoulder. “Toby and I doubled our tutoring time, so hopefully that will help.”
Mom reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. “Just keep trying your best. I’m sure it will all make sense to you soon.”
I hope so. Because between trig and Toby, my life is a mess.
After dinner I go upstairs and climb into bed. I study for my make-up Spanish quiz on Thursday and then turn out the light. My cell rings just as I close my eyes. Toby.
“Hello?”
“Hey. Can you talk?”
“Sure.” Even though I’m not in the same room with him, I’m still self-conscious after our almost conversation.
“I just want to say I’m sorry.”
“For what?” He’s not the one who went and made things awkward.
“Look, you know I like you, right?”
Does he still? “I guess.”
“What do you mean you guess?”
“I thought maybe after—”
“Wow.” He’s silent for a moment. “I didn’t realize you thought of me like that. I thought you knew me better.”
Great, now I’ve offended him too. I should go before I ruin this completely.
“I’m not that guy. Yeah, I like kissing you, but this isn’t just about physical stuff.”
I sit up, wanting to catch every word he says.
“I know you, Becca. I know you better than I think you know yourself.”