I nod and watch him disappear up the stairs. I breathe again and sit down on the couch. I’m not ready for things to move that quickly between us. Sure I’ve known him for years, but we’ve only been hanging out like this for a little while. It still feels new to me.
He pokes his head around the stairs. “You want to come up?”
“How long will Tori be out with Ryder?”
He waves the comment away. “We’ve got hours. Don’t sweat it.”
I get up and meet him on the stairs. “What did you have in mind?” My voice squeaks.
He reaches for my hand. “Do you not trust me now that we’re completely alone?”
“No. I mean yes.” I sigh.
“Would you rather stay downstairs?”
“No.” I’m being silly. Toby isn’t going to tear his clothes off the second we’re in his room. He leads me upstairs, and I sit down on his bed like I always do.
“Music?” He turns on his iPod, and Mumford and Sons comes through the speakers.
“No way. You like them?”
“Yeah. Tori can’t stand them.”
“I know. She never lets me play them when she’s around.”
He walks over to me and takes my hand, pulling me to my feet. He sways back and forth. I’m not a dancer at all. I never know what to do with my hands, and I end up stepping on the guy’s feet. But dancing with Toby is different. My body responds to his.
“I can play this on the guitar,” Toby says, his lips brushing my ear.
“Will you play it for me?”
“Right now?” He tilts his head back to see me better.
“Why not?”
“Um, because we’re listening to the real Mumford and Sons, and they’re way better than I am.”
“I’ll be the judge of that.”
We stop dancing, and he gets his guitar from the corner. He sits in his desk chair and closes his eyes. He doesn’t play, just listens to the iPod.
“Do you want me to turn that off?” I get up and walk toward his dresser.
“No. It’s easier to play along with it.”
I stand there, watching him. Finally, his fingers move across the strings, and he’s playing along with the music. I sit back down on the bed, folding my legs under me. In all the time I’ve known him, I’ve never seen him play—only heard it through the door. Toby has never looked so sexy. And then he starts singing. My God, his voice! I melt into the mattress. I could listen to him for hours.
When the song ends, he opens his eyes and looks at me. “Nothing great, I know, but it’s fun.”
I get up and walk over to him. “That was amazing. You’re really good.”
He laughs. “You’re either being nice or you’re easily impressed.”
“Neither, actually.”
He puts the guitar down and takes my hands. I want to kiss him so badly, feel his lips on mine. I lean my head down and shrug my hands from his so I can tilt his face toward mine. He follows my lead and kisses me. Before long, I’m on his lap. His fingers work their way through my hair, down my back, and under my shirt. I can’t catch my breath. His kisses trail down my jaw and to my neck. I’m so done for.
My heart pounds in my ears. I pull his face back to mine before I totally lose control. I refuse to sleep with my best friend’s brother behind her back. That would be crossing a line I can’t come back from. I tilt my head back, separating from him.
“You okay?” He stares into my eyes. “I wasn’t going to—”
“I know. I just need a breather.”
“Okay.” He lets go of me, and I stand up, turning toward the window and wrapping my arms around myself.
“Are we crazy? For doing this?”
“She’s out with my best friend right now, doing way more than this.”
Was that a complaint about how little we’ve done? “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to freak out on you.”
He walks over and puts his hands on my arms. “That’s not what I meant.” He turns me around and smiles. “I’m good with this. Better than good.”
“How can you be?” Most guys our age wouldn’t be.
“Want to know a secret?”
“To be honest, I’m getting tired of keeping secrets.”
“Me too. That’s why I’m going to tell you this.”
“All right.”
“I didn’t just start having feelings for you recently.”
“You didn’t?” Could’ve fooled me.
“No. It was last year.”
“You’ve had feelings for me for a year?”
He nods. “I didn’t want to act on them though. I wasn’t sure how to deal with liking the girl I used to run around in diapers with.”
We both laugh. “Our situation is a strange one. No doubt about that.”
“But then Tori started talking about Ryder and hanging all over him, so I figured that meant it was okay for me to find out how you felt about me.”
“I’m glad you did. I’ve liked you for so long, but I would’ve been too scared to ever tell you. I’ve never been the girl to make the first move.”
“I know. That’s one of the things I like about you. You don’t throw yourself at guys. You let them come to you.”
“And even then I don’t throw myself at them,” I mutter.
He runs his hands up and down my arms. “And like I said, I’m okay with that. Want to know another reason why I’m afraid of relationships?”
Afraid of them? When did he go from not liking titles to being afraid of relationships? “Okay,” I say, even though I’m pretty sure I don’t want to hear this.
“The best part of being with someone is getting to know them. Wanting to touch them and kiss them every time you see them. After a while, that newness goes away, and it’s not as fun.”
“And that’s when people break up.”
“Right.”
“But we probably know each other better than every couple at school combined.”
He smiles. “I know.”
Does that mean he’s decided he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me?
“Yet you keep surprising me.”
“How?” I’m not exactly daring or spontaneous.
“Because no matter what, you are who you are.”
“I don’t follow.” I wish he’d just spit it out already because I’m not sure my heart can take this.
“As soon as I asked Meredith out, she changed. She turned into…” I can tell he’s searching for a polite word for slut. “She offered to sleep with me on the first date.”
“Oh my God! Did you?” I can’t help asking. I don’t want him to be the kind of guy who would do that.
“No, and that made her try harder.” He raises my chin so I’m looking in his eyes. “It’s hard to want something if it’s thrown in your face.”
I smile and then lower my lips to his.
An hour later, he walks me downstairs. It was the perfect day of listening to music, dancing, and kissing. Just kissing. Which is enough. For now.
“You want to study tonight?”
“No, better skip it. Tori is going to want to fill me in on every detail of her date. You might want to let Ryder know that I’m going to hear how good a kisser he is and other things that he probably doesn’t want me to know.”
“I think I’ll spare him that humiliation.” He pulls the front door open and leans down to kiss me again.
I pull away from the kiss to see Meredith standing on the front porch.
“Oh my God!” she shrieks.
Chapter Sixteen
My heart stops. Just stops. Meredith is staring at us like she’s seen a ghost. Maybe she has because I sure feel like I died.
“You? How?” Her hand is on her chest like she’s having trouble breathing. I can relate.
“Um, this isn’t what it looks like.” I look at Toby for help, but he opens the door wider and motions for Meredith to come in.
“No. I don’t want to step into whatever this is.” She motions between us. Toby reaches for her and pulls her inside. I step out of the way, wanting to sink right into the floor.
Toby shuts the door, closing us all inside. “Meredith, this is the girl I was telling you about. See? I’m not making her up.”
“But it’s Becca! Becca Daniels!” She gestures to me as if Toby isn’t sure who I am. “I mean, how could you?”
It’s the Barbie lunchbox all over again, but this is so much worse.
Toby steps toward me. “Why not? Becca’s amazing.”