Mr. Rollar passes out a quiz in trig, and I’m surprised when I actually know all the answers. I’d be happy, but my heart is too crushed to feel anything but hurt. No, that’s not true. I also feel jealousy and self-pity. I hand in my quiz when the bell rings. Mr. Rollar scans it and smiles at me.
“Nice work, Miss Daniels. I see the extra tutoring sessions with Mr. Michaels are paying off. Seems like you two make a good pair.”
If only he knew.
The rest of my week is more of the same torture. I can’t avoid Meredith and Toby all the time, so I’m forced to watch them hold hands and walk to every class together. I even catch a few kisses in the halls. Even though Toby is always tight-lipped, my heart tears. Our evening study sessions are few and far between because Meredith is filling Toby’s schedule. She doesn’t want people to know he’s tutoring me, so whenever they get invited to a movie or after-school meal, she makes Toby take her.
By Friday, I’m officially done. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t do anything about the Toby-Meredith situation but I can do something about Tori. She owes me an explanation for the Allison thing. I show up at her house unannounced and find her in her room.
“Tell me why you thought it was okay to end my friendship with Allison without even talking to me about it,” I demand, stepping into her room and crossing my arms.
She raises a brow at me. “Are you seriously still mad about that?”
“Yes!” Why doesn’t she see it’s totally crappy of her to pick my friends for me? “It wasn’t your decision—”
“I know.” Her voice softens, and she suddenly looks on the verge of tears. “I thought I was doing you a favor, protecting you from someone who’d toss you aside for a guy. Why would you want to be friends with someone like that anyway?”
“That’s not the point. Maybe I wouldn’t have wanted to be friends with Allison anymore, but it was my decision to make, not yours.”
She nods. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I just got so mad that she chose Toby over me, you know? A real friend wouldn’t have done that.”
Crap. This was supposed to make her see that she was wrong. Instead, I feel awful because I’m sneaking around behind her back. I’m no better than Allison. All I can do is nod, which she takes as an acceptance of her apology.
“So are you and Toby finished planning my surprise party?” she asks, spinning in her desk chair as if we never fought.
“Sort of.” Her birthday is next Saturday, and I don’t even know where this party is taking place. I haven’t gotten her a gift yet or sent out invites.
“I haven’t seen you two study much. Did you grow out of your tutor?”
I shrug and keep my eyes down so she can’t see the tears forming in them. “He’s busy with Meredith. Can we talk about something else?”
“Sure. I know Toby isn’t exactly an interesting topic. Sorry to bore you.”
Up until last weekend, he was my favorite topic. I take a deep breath and blink back my tears. “How are things with Ryder?”
She stops spinning and gives me a huge smile. “So good.” She drags the words out.
I force a smile. “That’s great. And you guys are spending a lot of time with Toby and Meredith.” Damn it. Why can’t I stop thinking about them?
“I know. It was totally weird at first, but Meredith isn’t all bad.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
She picks up a pen from her desk and chucks it at me. “Yes! She’s awful. But Ryder likes her and Toby, so I get through it.”
“You really like him, huh?”
She nods. “More than I thought I would.”
“I’m really happy for you, Tori.”
“I know you are, because you’re my best friend.” She’s right. So maybe she would’ve been happy for me if I was honest with her about my feelings for Toby. Maybe I created this mess for no reason. Tori and I are better friends than she and Allison were, aren’t we?
Toby knocks on the door. “Becca, you want to hit the books tonight?”
“But it’s Friday night,” Tori says. “Why aren’t you going to Jeff’s party?”
He shrugs. “Meredith wasn’t feeling well.”
“Let me guess. She has cramps. She was extra bitchy today.” Tori laughs.
“Maybe,” Toby says.
“Ooh, trouble in paradise already?” Tori asks.
Toby ignores her. “So, Becca, what do you say?” He looks hopeful. We haven’t hung out since Saturday. I’m dying to be alone with him, but after the week I’ve had, I don’t know if I can handle it. Even though he was only pretending, he still spent the week kissing Meredith instead of me. I can’t just pretend that didn’t happen.
“Go study. I have to get ready. Ryder’s picking me up in an hour.” Tori grabs her towel and ushers me out the door. I guess I don’t have a choice. I follow Toby to his room.
“I don’t even have my trig book, you know,” I say, stepping into his room.
He shuts the door and whirls around to face me. “Good.” He pulls me into him and presses his lips against mine. Everything I’ve felt for the past week comes crashing down on me. I can’t keep it in anymore. Tears stream down my cheeks, and he pulls away.
“Whoa, that wasn’t the reaction I was hoping for.”
I shake my head and wipe my face with my fingers. “I’m sorry. I just can’t do this.” I sit down on his bed and pull my knees to my chest. The ache inside me is overwhelming. “It was actually better when you didn’t even know I liked you. When I didn’t know you liked me.”
“Don’t say that.” He sits next to me and rubs my back.
I raise my head to look at him. “You have no idea what it’s like to watch you be with her.”
“But you know it’s just an act. I don’t care about her. All I want to do is be with you. I’ve been dying to kiss you all week. I even went to the stage every day during fifth period, hoping you’d show up.”
Part of me knew he would, which is why I avoided it. The fact that this is all an act doesn’t erase that it’s happening. “I can’t kiss you. I can’t stand the thought of kissing you after I know you’ve been kissing her.”
“When I kiss her, I feel nothing. It’s just a quick peck. Nothing.”
“Put yourself in my shoes. Would you be able to watch me kiss another guy?”
He turns away, curling his hand into a fist. “No.”
“Look. I think until this thing with Meredith is over, we need to stop whatever this is.”
“Don’t say that.” He puts his hand on my knee.
“Toby, I can’t. It’s just too hard. Once she breaks up with you, we can see if we still feel the same way about each other, but until then…” I swallow the lump in my throat. “I can’t be around you.”
“Wait.” He stands up. “I was objecting to you calling our relationship ‘whatever this is,’ but you don’t want to even be around each other?”
“You think we’re in a relationship?” When did that happen?
“I was hoping we were.” He sits down again. “I’m really new to being someone’s boyfriend, but I definitely didn’t want my first attempt to be with Meredith. I hate this just as much as you do.”
I believe him. I really do, but it doesn’t change our situation. “How much longer do you think Meredith is going to make you go through with this?”
He shrugs. “I was thinking I’d start acting like a tool and hope she ends it sooner.”
“Just don’t piss her off too much. She might extend your punishment instead.”
“Good point.” He tilts my chin toward him. “So you really won’t kiss me until Meredith is history? I could wash my mouth out with soap if you want.”
I smile. “Come on. I’m not that good a kisser that you’d be willing to endure that torture.”
“I’m enduring Meredith for you. A little soap is nothing.”
I lean forward and press my lips to his. He wraps his arms around me, and I can tell he’s dying to let loose. But I keep my legs pulled into my chest, forming a barrier between us. He lets go.
“I’m not trying to punish you, you know.”
He nods. “I know. I get it.”
“Um, I sort of told your sister that we were planning a surprise party for her next weekend.”