“Did you ever think Ryder was the relationship type?”
“I didn’t care. I wasn’t looking for a relationship when this started. I just wanted to hook up with my brother’s hot friend.”
“So why couldn’t I hook up with your hot friend?” Toby asks. His tone isn’t demanding at all. It’s full of genuine curiosity.
“Because she’s my friend. Because you’ll hurt her the way you hurt Meredith, and I’ll lose her like I lost Allison. Everyone who’s ever been friends with both of us has chosen you in the end. You’re the better twin, and I’m left by myself. First Allison and then Meredith. But I’ll be damned if I let you take Becca from me too.”
Meredith? When was she ever friends with Meredith? “Tori, what are you talking about? You and Meredith have always hated each other.”
“No, they haven’t,” Toby says, but Tori holds her hand up.
“Don’t! You don’t get to talk about this. You don’t get to spill my secrets after you’ve been keeping this from me.” I’ve never seen her this worked up. I walk over to her and wrap my arms around her shoulders. Her body shakes as tears stream down her cheeks.
“Tori, calm down. It’s okay. You’re not going to lose me. I promise. You’re my best friend.”
“I’m not anymore. He is. You’re always with him, studying—or at least that’s what I thought. When do we ever see each other anymore?”
“I’m sorry. I know we haven’t hung out as much lately, but you’ve been with Ryder too. It’s not all me.”
Toby steps toward us. “Tell her about Meredith, Tori. She deserves to know.”
She pulls away from me and glares at him. “Fine. You want to bring up the past? Unleash those demons? Why don’t you tell her? Tell her how you stole another one of my friends. Tell her why I asked you to stay away from my friends. Or are you afraid she won’t want to hang out with you anymore?”
I turn to him, wondering how bad this can actually be. “What happened? When were Meredith and Tori ever friends?”
He looks down at his sneakers and sighs. “It was the summer before ninth grade. You and your parents went to Aruba, remember?”
I nod. My dad had a business opportunity down there, and Mom jumped at the chance to spend the summer on an island.
“Well, Tori ran into Meredith at the mall. Meredith said her summer was boring and asked Tori to hang out. She even promised to introduce Tori to her other friends.”
The popular crowd. My God, Tori actually wanted to be in the popular crowd. Just like she wants to now that she’s with Ryder. I replay our conversations in my mind. The comments about those girls who kept calling her looking for Toby—they make sense now.
“Wait.” I turn to Tori. “Those girls that called for Toby. They didn’t dial you by accident. They had your number from that summer. They were calling you to get information about him.”
“Like I’d give it to them after what they did.” She shakes her head, and tears fill her eyes again.
I turn back to Toby. “What happened?”
“Meredith and Tori hung out all summer with some of the other girls. But they always wanted to hang out here instead of at anyone else’s house.”
“Because they all fell for my perfect brother,” Tori spits out.
Toby’s gaze pleads with me. “I didn’t do anything. I talked to them because they were here. I never called any of them. I never asked any of them out.”
“You didn’t need to. You walked around here with your shirt off half the time. That was enough.”
“You can’t blame him for that. It was summer. You have a pool.” I reach for her arm, but she pulls away.
“I guess you wouldn’t understand since you fell for him too.”
“That’s not why. It has nothing to do with what he looks like.” Well, not completely. “I’ve tried to tell you this. I’ve known him all my life. Toby’s a great person.”
“Yeah, so great that Meredith and her friends decided he was the one they wanted to hang out with. Him. They would call me and ask for him. They’d come over and ask him to go to the movies. By the time school started, they didn’t talk to me anymore. Only him. Everyone chooses him—the better twin.”
“That’s awful, but don’t you see? That’s their fault. They were stupid for letting you go.”
She wipes the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand. “Just shut up, okay? I can’t listen to you defend him. It’s obvious you’d rather be with him, so go.”
“You’re my best friend.”
“No, I’m not. You don’t keep something like this from your best friend.” Her arms flail again and I step back. “You don’t date your best friend’s brother when you know it’s the one thing she doesn’t want you to do. And you don’t lie about it for—how long has this been going on? You said it was before Meredith. How far before?”
“It’s not like that. This isn’t just a crush. We didn’t want to tell you right away because we wanted to make sure there was something between us, something worth—”
“Ruining our friendship for?” she screams in my face.
“I thought our friendship would be strong enough to withstand this. I thought as my best friend you’d understand that I fell for someone. I love him, Tori. I love him. I wouldn’t have risked our relationship if I didn’t feel this strongly.”
“You…” Her breath is uneven, raspy. She shakes her head. “You can’t love him.” The word love is strained, like it’s difficult to say.
“I do.” I step toward her, hoping that the words will sink in, make her understand.
“I love her too.” Toby stands next to me, but as soon as he does, Tori’s eyes dart back and forth between us.
“No.”
“Please.” I reach for her hand, but she jerks away.
“Don’t. Don’t touch me.” Her eyes fall on Toby’s and then mine. “Either of you. We’re done. Leave me alone. For good.” She rushes for the door, struggling with the doorknob. I try to go after her, but Toby holds me back.
“Let her go.”
“No, I can’t.” Tears stream down my cheeks. “She’s my best friend.”
The door slams shut. She’s gone.
“Tori.” Her name is like an echo, a memory.
“She needs time. If you go after her now, it will only make this worse.”
“I ruined everything. Our friendship, her party. What was I thinking? I should’ve told her when I first had feelings for you.”
He pulls me to him. “If you had, we wouldn’t be together right now. She would’ve gotten angry, and you would’ve hidden your feelings from me.”
Is that true? Would Tori have stood between us? Probably. “I don’t think I would’ve been able to hide my feelings for you. Even if she told me I couldn’t like you, I still would’ve kissed you that night in your room. You can’t just turn off feelings, no matter how much you might want to.”
“I know. I think deep down, she knows it too. You just have to give her time.”
Time. Just like Kim Kwan had to give her sister-in-law time. I don’t want to lose Tori for years.
“She wasn’t wrong. She and I are like sisters, and I betrayed her.”
“Don’t say that. If you two are like sisters, it makes our relationship really weird and complicated.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Sorry. I was just trying to lighten the mood.” He rubs my arm. “I don’t want to see you like this. I know we both screwed up, but if Tori’s really your best friend, she should want you to be happy, even if it’s with me.”
I agree, but after what I’ve done, I’m in no position to go making demands of Tori right now. I have to hope that she comes to this conclusion on her own. That she sees losing our friendship over this silly rule of hers isn’t worth it. But I know Tori. I know how much she hates to be wrong. How much she stands her ground. I’m not sure she’ll ever get over this.
Chapter Twenty-Five
I try calling Tori sixteen times on Sunday. She never came out of her room after she caught Toby and me kissing. She missed the rest of her party. All because of me. Her voice mail beeps, and I leave message number seventeen.
“Tori, please talk to me. Let me explain. I don’t want to do this over your voice mail. I need you to talk to me. I need my best friend back. Please.” I don’t know what else to say that I haven’t already, so I hang up.