Mom knocks on my open door. “Can I come in?”
“Sure.” I stare at my phone in my hands.
“She still won’t talk to you?”
I broke down and cried to Mom last night, so she knows the whole story. She knows I’m with Toby. She knows I’m a crappy best friend. She sits down on my bed and pats my knee. “I’ll take your silence as a no.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to ignore you. I’m just…” I shrug. There are no words for how I feel right now.
“I know. Have you talked to Toby?”
“Not really. He called this morning to check on me, but that was it. We didn’t think we should hang out today.”
“That’s probably a good idea. I imagine Tori needs some time to process all this.”
I look at Mom. She’s the most caring and loyal person I know. “You must be so disappointed in me.”
She sighs and shakes her head. “I think you should’ve told Tori how you were feeling, but I don’t blame you for liking Toby. We can’t help who we fall in love with.”
I never mentioned anything about love. “How—?”
She holds up her hand. “I was seventeen once too. I remember what it’s like.”
“It’s not fair. I love Tori. She’s the greatest friend ever, but she never would’ve let me date Toby. She would’ve forbidden me from seeing him. And then what? I really would’ve had to choose between them.”
“Have you told her that?”
“How can I?” I stare at my phone again. “She won’t answer any of my calls.”
“Keep trying. You have to show her how upset you are. Let her see she isn’t the only one hurting right now.”
I nod. “Can I skip school tomorrow?”
She narrows her eyes. “Why would you do that? That’s the one place she can’t avoid you.”
I didn’t think of it like that, but it’s true. I know Tori’s schedule. Even if she tries to avoid me, she can’t. I can stay two steps ahead of her, even if it means I’m late to every class and have to spend the week in detention. Toby will be there anyway after his little trip to the girls’ room to see me.
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Any time, sweetie. I wish I could do more for you. I hate seeing you so upset.”
“I’ll be okay.” Somehow, I’ll make Tori listen to me. After that, I just have to hope she’ll forgive me.
Monday morning can’t come soon enough. I wake up an hour early and don’t even try falling back to sleep. I know it’s pointless. I’m too wired. I get ready and head to Tori’s favorite coffee shop to buy her a large mocha coffee and a hazelnut scone. I’m the first student in the parking lot, and I’ve beaten most of the teachers to school too. I head right to Tori’s locker and wait.
Thirty minutes later, the first students trickle into the hallways. Everyone’s talking about Tori’s party. That and the massive blowout between Tori, Toby, and me. Apparently some people had migrated upstairs and caught the tail end of our argument. They were nosy enough to tell everyone else. I get several looks from students passing by Tori’s locker.
Finally, Tori and Ryder walk my way. Tori’s face turns every shade of purple when she sees me. She starts to turn away, but Ryder takes her arm and pulls her toward me. She’ll give him hell for that later, I’m sure.
“Let go of me, Ryder.”
“Just talk to her. You’re going to be miserable if you don’t, and then I’ll be miserable too. End it.” He turns her shoulders so she’s facing me head on.
“Tori, please. I really need to talk to you.”
She crosses her arms and glares at me. “Do you really think I give a shit what you need? My best friend and brother stabbed me in the back. I don’t really have anything left in me to care what you need right now. Or ever again.”
“Please, don’t say that. I know I was wrong. I can’t apologize enough, but I don’t want to lose you. You’re too important to me. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. This isn’t a you versus Toby thing. I want you both in my life.”
“Again, I don’t care what you want.” She turns her head, refusing to look at me.
“Technically, you said you didn’t care what she needed before, so—” Ryder shuts up the second Tori turns and glares at him. “Sorry.”
“Ryder, could you give us a minute, please?”
Tori’s head snaps in my direction. “Oh, now you think you can order my boyfriend around?”
“No, I just—”
“Stay, Ryder.” Tori’s voice is commanding, and she doesn’t take her eyes off me.
“Look, this doesn’t involve me. Toby’s my friend and you’re my girlfriend, so I don’t want to get in the middle. I’ll see you later.” He walks off, leaving Tori gaping after him.
“Now look what you’ve done. My God, how many other ways can you ruin my life?”
“I’m not trying to hurt you, but Ryder’s right. He’s friends with Toby and he’s your boyfriend. Don’t you see? It’s no different for me and Toby. I’m your friend and his girlfriend.”
She scoffs. “You seem so sure he’s the boyfriend type.”
“Because he is. He’s been great, Tori. He even wrote me a song to ask me to be his girlfriend.”
Her face twists in disgust. “That stupid song he’s been working on so much, the one he would only play behind closed doors, that was for you?”
I nod. “I told you this isn’t just some crush. I wouldn’t risk our friendship for a stupid crush.”
“No, you risked it for a song.”
How can I make her see how serious this is? “Can’t we all just hang out? You could see us together, and then you’ll understand. You hung out with Toby and Meredith, and you hate Meredith.”
“Well, then I guess it would seem like I could hang out with you too, since you’re no better than her, but I can’t.”
Ouch. She knew exactly how much that comment would cut me. “I never chose him over you.”
“Yes, you did.”
“Tori—”
“Have you ever lied to him? Have you snuck around behind his back?”
“No.”
“Then you made your choice.” She turns and starts for her class, giving up on the idea of using her locker since I’m blocking it. I keep in step with her, no matter how fast she tries to walk.
“I said I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to do.”
Her classroom is two doors away. She stops and stares at me. I jolt to a stop, almost spilling the coffee down the front of my shirt.
“I got you something.”
“You think that’s enough to make me forgive you?” She motions to the bag and coffee in my hands. “Cold coffee and a scone?”
“No, but I was hoping it could be a start. I know I jeopardized your trust, but—”
“No, you destroyed it. There’s none left. End of story.”
“Then at least give me a chance to earn it back.”
“Why? Because you’re such a good friend?”
“Yes. I am. I’ve never hurt you before. I screwed up. I get that, but this is the only time I’ve messed up. That has to count for something.”
“Yeah. It means that when you fuck up, you go all out.” She turns and dodges inside her classroom before I can respond.
“That was fun to watch,” Meredith says.
I turn to face her. “Get out of here.”
She smiles and walks off. Why is she so happy? With everyone knowing Toby and I are together she must be getting some crap for being replaced so quickly—that is if people haven’t already figured out that Toby and I have been together for a while, including the time he was supposed to be with her.
“You don’t fool me, Meredith,” I call down the hall to her.
She stops and turns. “Excuse me?” There’s nothing polite about the way she says it.
“You can pretend you think my misery is funny, but I know I’m not the only one suffering here. Everyone knows about Toby and me, so what does that mean for you?”
There’s a crowd forming around us. First the show with Tori and now this. I’m becoming the biggest source of entertainment at Lansfield High.
“This isn’t over. Just know that.” She turns and walks away, holding her head high. She’s got something up her sleeve. Things are going to get ugly very quickly.
By lunch, I find out Tori went home sick. Sick of me is more like it. I cornered her after every class, and finally she stormed out of the building. I drove her off. Toby and I walk into the cafeteria and look for an empty table. Even with Tori gone for the day, we know we won’t be welcome at Toby’s usual table. Between the people who took Meredith’s side after the breakup and the people who are taking Tori’s side in our fight, we’re both left out in the cold. Literally. We sit outside.