Fighting tension in her neck and shoulders that bordered on painful as she struggled against the foreboding emotional cloud now filling her sick bay, she forced a light tone she didn’t remotely feel. “I need to get these loaded. Perishable, you know, once they’re opened. Ford is completely capable of doing the exam. And he’s been wanting more experience with non-Terran species.”
Now she looked, playing her ace. “That’s not a problem, is it?”
“No, Doctor. That is not a problem.”
If she wasn’t already struggling to hold on to her composure, his eerily placid tone would have freaked her out.
She listened while Ford performed the exam, following the chart she’d left open for him for reference. At first, she didn’t realize Kayehalau had spoken to her.
“Emi,” Ford said, “did you hear him?”
“Sorry?”
“Is that a Corghistall Minax 80 synthesizer?” Kayehalau asked.
Something to talk about that doesn’t freak me out! “Yes. Does everything from analgesics to antipsychotics, narcotics, antibiotics, IV solutions—everything. Limited quantities on the rarer compounds, of course, due to the range it covers, but for a small crew, it’s more than enough.”
“Interesting. I have heard of them, but have yet to serve on a vessel with one. The other vessels all had smaller synthesizers and some premixed drug stocks.”
“Can’t hop over to a drugstore on an explore. We are, in essence, a hospital as well as a research lab.”
“May I have your permission to study it further later? When you are finished, of course. I do not wish to interrupt you. Or I would be most happy to help you if it would be of assistance.”
Guilt, guilt, guilt. Despite not getting used to the dank cloud, Emi tried to hold on to rational thoughts that the guy really was trying to be nice.
“Sure, no problem. The manual is in the general crew computer, medical folder, of course. You can access it at any time. The machine, too. I don’t keep it locked because we’re a small crew. That way the guys don’t need me if they need an aspirin or something.” She cleared her throat. “And, of course, if there’s something you needed, you could get it.”
“Thank you for your consideration, Dr. Hypatia. I shall avail myself of that. They have always fascinated me.”
Ten minutes later, Ford finished up, and Kayehalau departed for his quarters. Emi felt like fainting with relief as the dark cloud disappeared with him. As she blew out a long breath, Ford knelt next to her on the floor. In his eyes, as well as in his soul, she read concern.
“You all right?”
“I’ll live. Maybe.”
He brushed a strand of hair away from her forehead. “It’s not permanent. Once the assignment’s over, he’s gone.”
“That’s what I keep telling myself.”
She’d hoped Kayehalau had merely been making small talk in an attempt to put her at ease, but over the next several days, it seemed like every time she turned around in sick bay, he was there asking her questions about the synthesizer until she couldn’t take it anymore.
Four days in, not only had the darkness she felt around Kayehalau not eased up any, it grew worse. Until one afternoon she’d just settled in at her desk to write up her daily report when he showed up.
Before conscious thought hit her, she found herself on her feet and out the door. She fought her tears all the way back to their quarters, nearly at a dead run by the time she arrived. She let out a startled squeak as she almost ran face-first into Caph, who was on his way out the door.
He grabbed her. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
She shook her head and tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let her. “Honey, talk to me. What’s wrong?”
Hating herself, she shook her head and choked back tears. Yes, there was something twelve kinds of wrong about Kayehalau, and she couldn’t put into words exactly what it was. But it didn’t mean the professional side of her wasn’t pissed off at herself for not being able to get past it.
He effortlessly scooped her into his arms and carried her over to their bed where he snuggled with her until she could speak. When she finally pulled herself together, she felt like even more of an idiot, not to mention she’d left a huge snot puddle on the front of Caph’s fresh uniform shirt.
He brushed her hair away from her face. “You ready to talk about it now?”
“I can’t help it. I can’t help the way I feel around him. I know I’m a doctor and should be above this, but the trained empath in me says fuck that, he’s bad news.”
She didn’t miss his sad sigh. “It’s okay, babe.” He gently rocked her against him. “I know this is bothering you in more ways than one. We don’t expect you to ignore what you’re feeling. And we know you’re trying your best. It’s all we can ask of you.”
Aaron had a talk with Kayehalau about giving Emi some space and not going to the sick bay unless he really needed something. But then it seemed no matter where she was on the ship, she inevitably ran into Kayehalau.
She started hiding in the hydro lab and sick bay when she wasn’t in their quarters. She didn’t want to be anywhere near Kayehalau. Something about him didn’t just rub her the wrong way. It felt as if she was trying to pet a porcupine backward. The black cloud around his aura didn’t get easier to tolerate. If anything, it grew thicker, darker, and harder for her to tune out as the days passed.
She didn’t want to think she was racist—or xenophobic, as the case might be—but she couldn’t help it.
Unless Aaron gave her a direct order to work with the guy, she would stay holed up in her secondary sanctuary of the sick bay, or her primary sanctuary, the hydro lab. But it seemed pretty much every time she headed down to the hydro lab now, she invariably ran into Kayehalau in the corridors and was forced to deal with him.
Bucky sat where she’d placed him on her desk in sick bay and stared at her with sightless eyes. She picked him up with a sigh, for once wistfully wishing she had one of the Kal’moran’s deadly spiderlike tals’tophk to sic on Kayehalau. “If only I could get rid of him that easy, dude.” She stroked the rubber spider before returning it to his place on her desk.
Ford brought her an afternoon snack on day six of the siege, as she was beginning to unkindly think of it. “You want some company, babe?” He set the plate on the desk for her.
She reached out for the cookies and snagged one, her stomach grumbling as she nibbled at it. “I’m sorry I’ve been scarce.”
“Scarce, nothing. You’ve been practically invisible.” The cookie was delicious, moist and sweet and fruity.
“These are good. What are they?”
He shrugged. “Kayehalau made them for us.”
Her stomach rolled and she dropped the cookie back onto the plate before rubbing her hand on the leg of her uniform trousers. “No thanks.”
“Come on, babe. How long are you going to be like this?”
“Until he’s off our freaking ship. I’m telling you, Ford, there’s something wrong about him.”
She heard his unmistakable sigh. “Babe—”
“No, I’m not overreacting.”
“You’re more sensitive than me and Aar and Caph. Is it possible it’s just your empath senses wigging out because he’s an alien? And we’re jumping right now. You always feel on edge during a jump. Plus, you haven’t had any real-life experiences with F’ahrkays. Maybe your mind keeps thinking back to the sim session, or to what happened on Kal’moran.”
She frowned despite grudgingly knowing he could be right. “You don’t think I hadn’t thought about it like that already?”
“I’m not saying you have to be bosom buddies with the guy, but he’s only here to do his job. You’re a professional. Try cutting him a little slack.”