Despite his pain, he broadly smiled when she entered. “There she is! My little cay’tein!”
She looked at Yanna, wanting help with the unfamiliar Beyant word. He grinned. “Daughter,” he said in English standard.
It wasn’t just a term of endearment. The ambassador officially adopted her, making her part of the ruling family, meaning she had diplomatic privileges and immunity. It would also smooth the way if any potential complaints arose from them having her with them for so long.
But who was she kidding? The dreams of the three handsome, mysterious men had mostly stopped, even if the ache in her heart and soul had yet to ease. She hadn’t listened to the recording in weeks, the pain of longing for the strange voice of the man named Ford now too much for her soul to bear.
Until she could find out who she had been, who they were, and if they were even alive, she decided to be content with who she currently was.
Erin Cafford Raoulx, the Beyant ambassador’s daughter, and the commander’s sister. Healer.
Doctor.
Not a bad thing to be, she decided.
Not bad at all.
Chapter Seventeen
All days are nights to see till I see thee,
And nights bright days when dreams do show thee me.
Ford sat up as a message icon blinked on the command console. Aaron hadn’t been to the bridge in days. He was holed up in the hydroponics lab. Caph could barely function and would spend hours sitting on the bridge with Bucky in his hand as he stared at the vid screen. Ford had taken to slipping antidepressants into Caph’s morning juice to keep him vertical and out of bed.
Ford couldn’t remember the last time either of the other two men spoke.
Ford, however, refused to let go of his hope that they would find her one day. That she would come back to them.
But he had quit speaking of it. It angered Aaron and saddened Caph, both of whom wanted to sink into their grief and guilt.
Still, he wouldn’t accept it. Not when he felt in his soul she was alive.
He opened the message. They were to proceed to the Robards Alpha space station for supplies and a debriefing. A DSMC psychologist would meet them there to evaluate them so Graymard could decide if they would be pulled from duty or not.
Aaron originally swore he would refuse to relinquish their ship, wanting to keep searching for Emi, but Ford knew the new truth—Aaron might not have the heart to stay. The Tamora Bight was full of memories, everywhere they turned, of Emi. Ford was the only one who could set foot in the sick bay. Caph refused to go to the hydro lab, where she’d spent a lot of time working and enjoying the plants.
Ford couldn’t look at the Java Max Excel 10k coffeemaker without wanting to cry when he made his coffee every morning. Several mornings he had caught himself before he fixed Emi’s cup first, like he used to do.
Ford confirmed receipt of the message and signed Aaron’s command code. Aaron had, in every way but officially, turned over his captaincy to Ford. Caph had already changed the log to appoint Ford the first officer and himself the mate.
How did he keep the two men going?
At least when Kels had died, they had a focus, Caph and him, to keep Aaron alive and heal his body and mind. Without that, they were all adrift.
The station was too close to make a jump practical. Ford set course. It would take them nearly two months to get there.
He didn’t bother to tell Aaron about it. He’d find out eventually.
Ford sat in the command chair while Caph manned the nav console. “Robards Alpha Dockmaster, this is DSMC Vessel Tamora Bight. Where you want us?”
“Welcome back, Captain. We’re putting you in berth A-12 because you’re a full heavy and it’s the only berth I’ve got available right now that’s big enough to hold you. Congrats, you get the VIP quarters.”
Ford didn’t bother correcting the dockmaster’s use of “captain.” “Say again?”
“We have to put you next to the Beyant emissary vessel, B’autachia. They’re a battle cruiser. Be prepared for a pretty significant security presence in the station, but they’ll be gone in a few hours. They’re heading for Mars after they pick up a diplomatic escort convoy and some supplies. Our newest treaty race. Well, they will be once they get to Mars and sign on the line.”
“Roger that. Locking on nav beacon now.”
Ford sat back and let the auto systems take over. Caph passively watched the vid screen and said nothing.
In his hand he held Bucky.
Caph hadn’t said anything in the past week. Ford had consulted with the computer references and tinkered with his med doses, wanting him fully functional for their talk with the shrink, but he thought he might have to bump the dosage up even more after today.
Caph was a large man with an even larger well of grief.
Aaron had taken to sleeping in the hydro lab. They hadn’t seen their other lover in nearly two weeks. Ford only knew he was okay because he checked him with the scanners several times a day, tracking him through his chip. Aaron timed his galley visits for when they were on the bridge, and left messages for them for when he would take watches. He always waited until they left the bridge, and he departed the bridge before the next man went on duty. Baskets of fresh fruit and vegetables would appear on the galley counter once or twice a day.
Ford wasn’t looking forward to the confrontation he knew was coming.
An hour later they were docked, and their umbilicals and main and cargo gangways had been connected and secured.
“Feel free to debark when you want,” the dockmaster said, “but you will find a guard when you come out. He’ll escort you to the office here so you can get special security access passes.”
“Roger. Tamora Bight out.”
Ford took a deep breath and headed for the hydro lab. When he entered, he found Aaron sitting on a mattress in the back of the room. He was staring at the ceiling, which was barely visible now for all of the vines growing up trellising wires that crisscrossed the room.
He’d set the window sims to show Bozeman, Montana. Emi’s favorite setting.
Ford sat on the floor in front of him and waited for Aaron to finally look at him.
“What?” Aaron softly asked.
“We’re here, Cap.”
“Where?”
“Robards Alpha station. Talk with the head shrinker. You need to get your head on straight, or we’ll end up losing the TB and getting a one-way return ticket to Earth.”
Aaron’s eyes swiveled back to the ceiling. “Em loved it here.”
Ford knew now was not the time to have an in-depth discussion with him. “If you want to keep it, for her, I need your help. I’ve got to get the big guy talking again. I’ve already got him dosed up enough to make an asteroid sing and dance, but it’s not working. I can’t do this without you. You’ve got to pull your weight, Aar. I need you. Caph needs you.”
Aaron slowly nodded. “I’ll be up in a while.”
He’d also said that three weeks earlier, the last time Ford had tried to coax him up from the hydro lab.
This time, Ford was pleasantly surprised when Aaron showed up on the bridge fifteen minutes later. His eyes looked red, like he’d been crying. He walked over to Caph and laid a hand on his shoulder. “How you doing, buddy?”
Caph stared out the front vid screens and shook his head. Tears rolled down his cheeks.