“I miss you too, son.”
I swallowed hard. “Thanks for the talk. I’m gonna go now.”
“All right. Good night, son.”
“Night, Dad.”
I hung up and closed my eyes. Enough of this shit. Enough wanting and wishing and hoping. I needed to focus on the cold hard truth of the matter. If I fucked this up, Dad wouldn’t get his nice, cushy retirement pay off. If I fucked this up, I wouldn’t be the only one to suffer. It was time to suck it up and stop mooning all over Carrie Wallington, for Dad’s sake.
She was an assignment…nothing more.
A few nights later, I hugged Cory good-bye, making sure to keep it friendly and not too personal. He went in for a kiss again, but I ducked my head just in the nick of time. After he caught me off guard last Saturday, he’d been trying to kiss me over and over all week long. Of course, I might be partially to blame for that. I hadn’t ended our first kiss right away, and had probably given him the wrong impression.
But I hadn’t kept the kiss going because I’d liked it so much I couldn’t break it off. Not because it set me on fire in ways even twenty thousand romance novels could possibly describe. No, I hadn’t ended the kiss because it hadn’t done anything at all. Zilch. Nada. Zero. Zip.
No matter how many ways I said it, I may as well have been kissing a poster of a fat, balding man for all the excitement the kiss had given me. But when Finn kissed me…
Now, that was another story all together.
“Good night, Cory,” I said, patting his shoulder.
Yep. I actually patted his shoulder.
“Night.” He gave me a long, almost pleading, look. “See you tomorrow afternoon for another weekend study session?”
“I’m hanging out with Finn,” I said, my tone apologetic. “Sorry.”
Cory nodded but looked unhappy. Guilt struck me, but I didn’t know the right way to let him know I wanted to be friends and only friends. Maybe I could repeat the speech Finn had given me. It had worked well enough for him. “No problem. See you Monday.”
“Bye.”
I headed up the stairs to my dorm, expecting to find the room empty. It was Friday night, after all, and Marie surely had plans. But when I opened the door, I found Marie on the couch, hot and heavy with some guy I didn’t even recognize.
Marie opened her eyes mid-kiss and pointed at the door. What was I supposed to do? Sit in the hallway? Marie narrowed her eyes and pointed at the door more emphatically. I slowly backed out and closed the door behind me.
Leaning against the hallway wall, I closed my eyes. Okay. Now what? I could call Cory and hang out with him some more, but I was already struggling to find a way to break it to him gently that I wasn’t interested in a relationship with him. That left two other options. Walking around without a destination or even an idea on how long it would be until I could return to my room…or Finn.
Easy decision. I missed Finn anyway.
I headed back outside and called a taxi. I knew I should call him first. Make sure he didn’t mind if I stopped by. But what if he told me no? If I just kind of showed up, it would be hard to send me away. At least I hoped so.
Of course, by the time the cab arrived, I was losing my confidence in this decision. And after I paid the cab and started up his walkway, I was ready to run back toward the car, even though it was halfway down the road. His bike was outside, so I was fairly certain he was home, but what if he had company? The kind of company he didn’t mind kissing?
I hovered outside of his door, pressing my ear against the cool steel door, listening for the telltale noises of sex. All I heard was him talking. Something about watching “Golden Boy.” No one responded, so I could only assume that he was on the phone. That was a good sign.
I swiped my hands over my thighs. Taking a deep breath, I raised my trembling fist and knocked. His voice paused, and then I heard footsteps approach. He opened the door, and my breath whooshed out of my lungs. He didn’t have a shirt on, like usual, but instead of his normal shorts, he wore a pair of camouflage pants. His dog tags, which I’d never seen him wear, hung off his neck, and his hair was shorter on the sides than it had been the last time I’d seen him. A little shorter on the top, too, but there were still some curls.
He looked like a Marine. The type of Marine that went to war. The thought chilled my blood. War had always seemed so far removed from my own life that I never really thought about it besides the occasional story I saw on TV. I’d never known a soldier or a Marine or anyone who would be in harm’s way to keep me safe.
Not until Finn.
“Of course, sir.” He clenched his phone tighter and held a finger in front of his mouth in an obvious attempt at keeping me quiet. Was he on the phone with his superior? “Yes, sir.” A pause. “I will update you on that status when I return from duty.” He hung up and shoved the phone in his pocket. “Hey.”
“Hi,” I said, biting my lower lip. “I haven’t seen you in a while. Or heard from you. Are you…is something wrong?”
…and now I sounded like a desperate girlfriend seeking attention.
“I’ve been busy.” He gestured down his body. “Getting ready.”
I nodded. “You look ready to go to war.”
“Not quite.” He raised a brow at me. “I’m missing a few key components. Namely, a weapon.”
“Well, duh.” I flicked a glance over him again, my legs going all weak. He was always hot, but wearing his uniform, he was catastrophic to my health. “Why are you wearing that? And why did you cut your hair?”
“Because I had to for drill.” He tugged on his dog tags. He still hadn’t moved out of the opening of the door or invited me in. In fact, he hadn’t even smiled or looked happy to see me. “Are we doing surprise visits now? I hadn’t realized we were there yet.”
I stepped back and glanced over my shoulder. A couple came up the walkway, a young child at their side. They were talking about not having enough money for food again. I made a mental note to drop off a gift card to a local grocery store at their door. “What’s drill?’”
“It’s something I have to do the first weekend of every month,” he said, his jaw tight.
“O-Oh.” I cleared my throat. “Are you leaving now?”
He hesitated. “No, I have to report to duty first thing in the morning. Why?”
“So, I guess we’re not surfing tomorrow, huh?”
“No, we’re not.”
I shifted on my feet, not sure what to say next. He was acting cold and uncaring, and I didn’t know how to talk to a Finn who acted this way. I’d obviously made a mistake coming here. “You weren’t going to tell me?”
“No, I wasn’t.” He sighed and leaned against the doorjamb. “I didn’t realize I had to.”
I crossed my arms. “Well, I’m new to this whole ‘friend’ thing, but it’s kind of common courtesy to let someone know when normal routines will be broken, right?”
I forced a laugh, but it hurt to know he hadn’t even been planning on letting me know our usual plans were off. Then again, hadn’t I done exactly the same thing to him? Yeah. I had. Just last week. Well, crap. I’d been a horrible friend and hadn’t even known it.
“Yeah.” He cocked a brow, his thoughts clearly along the same lines as mine. I could see it in his eyes. “Yeah, it is.”
“I’m sorry, okay?” I played with the hem of my shirt. “I’m not the best at this stuff. I didn’t realize…”
He studied his nails. “What exactly are you apologizing for?”
“For not hanging out last Saturday after surfing. You’re obviously mad, and it wasn’t right for me to not let you know about it.”
“Nope.” He looked up at me with something that could only be described as disinterest. “I’m not mad about that. I got over it quickly enough.”
I curled my hands into fists. My nails dug into my skin from the force I used, but I didn’t even care. “Then what are you mad at?”