“No.”
I stumbled to my feet and backed away from him. I couldn’t bear his touch after all of this. After he…oh, God. No. I couldn’t even think about it right now. I tossed his phone onto the couch, not wanting to hold it another second. In some sick way, I almost blamed the phone for all of this. If I hadn’t picked it up, I wouldn’t be feeling like the world had stopped spinning.
“Carrie, I didn’t pretend to like you. It’s not history repeating itself.”
“Oh my God, you know all about that too?” I covered my face with my hands. Somehow, him knowing all about my embarrassing past made it worse. So much worse. “Did you get a file on me? All my dirty little secrets?”
He flinched. “Yes.”
“Unbelievable.” I swallowed hard, my head spinning so fast I couldn’t even keep up. “I can’t believe it was all a lie. Do you have any idea how much I liked you?”
“Please. Let me explain.”
My heart twisted so hard it hurt. “Explain what, exactly? How you lied to me to get close to me? How you pretended to care about me? Or maybe how you slept with me because my dad told you to?”
“No.” His voice broke. “It’s not what it looks like.”
“So you’re not watching me for my father and reporting back to him?”
He flinched. “I am. But—”
“There are no buts in this situation. None at all.” I let out a harsh laugh. “God, I’m such an idiot.”
“It wasn’t all a lie. Not the way I feel about you.”
“Don’t even go there.” I stared at the bed, the sheets still rumpled from our recent bout of sex. Swallowing hard, I covered my face with my hands. My stomach lurched, and I swallowed back the bile threatening to rise. “I can’t believe I…we…”
“Carrie, don’t think like that. What we did there has nothing to do with your father,” he said, his voice raspy. His hand rested on my shoulder. “I wasn’t even supposed to—”
I shrugged off his hand and dug my nails into my palms. The pain was a welcome distraction from the stronger, more mind-numbing pain he was causing me. “Don’t touch me! I trusted you. Actually trusted you.”
His shoulders drooped and he held out his hands. “I know. I’m sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am.”
“I don’t want to hear a single apology.” I pushed my hair out of my eyes and shook my head in disbelief. “What you felt or pretended you felt means nothing to me anymore. Just tell me everything from the beginning. How do you know my father?”
“I work for him.” He clenched his hands at his sides. A muscle in his jaw ticked, but otherwise he looked completely unaffected. “I was sent here to watch over you because I’m the youngest in the security squad.”
“Wait…what?” He couldn’t possibly work for Dad. I’d have remembered seeing him around the house. “I’ve never seen you there before. I know all the guys.”
“I started working for him while you were abroad. When you came back, the senator hid me. His plan was already in motion,” he said, his shoulders straight and his head held high. “I didn’t want to do it, but he promised me a higher position and a raise if I stuck it out for a year.”
Stuck it out for a year. As if it would be so horrible spending time with me. At least he had found a pleasing way to pass the time for himself. Seduce the senator’s daughter and laugh about it after. I swallowed past the tears threatening to escape. “Wow. So you get paid for banging his daughter behind his back. That must be poetic justice, huh?”
“No.” He reached for me, but before he could touch skin, I stepped back and gave him a dirty look. His hands fell back to his sides. “It wasn’t like that. It’s not like that. If he knew what I did, I’d be fired, and so would my father. He works for your dad too.”
“Your father?” I eyed him, trying to figure out who his father could possibly be. There was only one man with a son who could be Finn’s age, and he was the one I liked the best, of course. “Oh my God. Not Larry?”
Finn flinched. “Yes.”
“But his son isn’t called Finn. He’s Griffin…oh...” I sank onto the couch, my legs trembling. “Oh my God.”
“I didn’t lie about my name. Finn is my nickname, and I kept my mother’s name because she was worried her side of the family would die out. There were lots of Hannigans, but no more Corams.” He tugged on his hair and shook his head. “I didn’t want to lie to you. I didn’t like doing this. I’m sorry.”
It hurt enough knowing he’d been lying this whole time. To know that he hadn’t really liked me or even cared about me. Hearing him apologize for the farce was too much. “Stop saying that.”
“But I am sorry.”
I ignored him. I had to keep focusing on finding out the why and how, or I would break. I needed cold, hard facts. “How often did you have to report back to him? Did he…?” I paused, scared to ask this next question. Scared of what the answer might be. “Did he tell you to pretend to want to be with me? To act like you were interested in me?”
“No.” He dropped to his knees in front of me, his gaze latched with mine. “I swear to you that nothing between us was a lie on that front. Not the friendship. Not the sex. Not a single conversation. I fell for you, and I fell hard. There was no fighting or pretending. None of it was a ploy to get close to you.”
“You’re telling me that you came up to me on the beach simply because you had to know me?” I leveled a look on him and when he flushed I had my answer. “Exactly. Contrary to what I’ve shown you so far, I’m not gullible.”
“I know you’re not, but I’m telling you the truth.” He looked toward the bed, then back at me. “I care about you, Carrie. More than I care about my job or myself. More than I should ever have let myself care for you.”
“Stop saying that,” I demanded, covering my ears. I couldn’t believe him. Not ever again. “You’re a liar and I don’t trust you, so just stop.”
“I know.” He nodded and stumbled back from me, his mouth held taught. “I’m sorry.”
If he said he was sorry one more time, I’d scream. Literally scream. I pulled my phone out and started typing Dad’s number. This was over right now. “I’m calling him.”
“I know.” He paled even more. “Go ahead. Tell him how much I fucked up.”
I paused with my finger over the screen. He’d said something about his father earlier. If I called Dad, would Larry get fired? “So what happens if I call my dad and tell him I know what he did? Will he send you home?” I hovered with my finger over the send button.
His shoulders drooped and he fell back against the wall. “Yeah. I’m sure I’ll be fired, and you’ll never have to see me again.”
Still, I hesitated. “Why did it have to be a lie? Why you too?”
He took a shaky breath. “Carrie, please.” He dragged his hands down his face. “I swear to you I didn’t mean to hurt you. I tried so hard not to fall for you. To push you away. But I couldn’t.”
I swallowed hard. “Are you really twenty-three?”
“Yes.”
“Are you really a Marine?”
He dropped his head into his hands and sighed. “Yes.” He lifted his head. “I told you, the only lies between us were the fact that I didn’t tell you why I was here.” His jaw flexed and he pushed to his feet. “The rest is real. I am still your friend and your—”
I laughed harshly. “You’re not my friend. You were never my friend. It was all an assignment.”
He flinched. “At first, maybe, but not now. Not for a long time.”
My heart squeezed so tightly I couldn’t breathe. Oh, how I wanted to believe him. How much my heart begged for him to be telling me the truth. But that’s exactly why I couldn’t. I’d fallen for his lies once. I wouldn’t do it again. “Just stop. Stop the act. I’m not standing here so you can lie to me. All I want is information.”
He just stared at me. “What else do you want to know?”