“I will never love anyone the way I love you. You’re part of me. You make me feel like I can be anyone, do anything… but you also have the ability to make me feel weak. You have the ability to crush me like no one else can. I don’t like that part of myself, Jake, and I hate that you can do that to me.”
His breathing sounded a little uneven as he whispered back, “You make me feel the same way.”
Leaning close, my lips an inch from his, my eyes blazing, I uttered darkly, “Good. I need to know that we’re on equal footing here.”
In answer Jake caught my lips with his, drawing me into a deep, drugging kiss. He pulled back, jerking down the zipper on his jeans as he told me in a voice thick with need, “We love each other so we can hurt each other, but I’m making a promise,” he tugged down my panties and I lifted myself up to help, “to do everything I can not to hurt you again. I want that promise from you.”
I settled back over him, my uneven breathing seeming to spur him on, making him hotter and harder as his dick brushed between my legs. I bit back a moan, nodding. “I promise,” I whimpered. “Jake, I promise. I love you.”
He closed his eyes for a moment, appearing to savor it. “Say it again.”
My breath whispered across his ear. “I love you, Jacob Caplin.”
And just like that, his control snapped. He gripped me by the nape, holding me still for his rough, desperate kiss. With his other hand, he guided himself to my entrance. He then took hold of my hip and thrust up into my wet, tight heat. We gasped into each other’s mouths, our sexual chemistry, chemistry we’d never had and would never find with anyone else, overwhelming us.
“I love you” fell freely from our mouths as we held onto one another, chasing the high of finally coming together, in every way we could.
“So this is why I woke up to an empty bed and a cryptic note?” Jake’s tall figure cast a shadow over me.
I smiled up at him from the picnic blanket. “I thought we should take the day away from everything. You’re not missing anything too important in class, are you?”
He shook his head, an amused grin on his lips.
“Well, sit down, then.” I patted the blanket and Jake slowly lowered himself onto it. His eyes drifted over the items on the blanket and widened with recognition. I was warmed all the way through from his laughter.
“Peanut butter sandwiches, cookies, chips, and two bottles of water.” His dark eyes twinkled. “Just like our first date.”
“Yup. Unfortunately, we’re missing Hendrix, but I thought the view more than made up for it.”
We were on Arthur’s Seat, the peak of a group of hills east of Edinburgh Castle. It was popular with hill walkers and such. I was hoping to find it quiet on a Friday morning, and I had. I should’ve been exhausted after last night.
But I wasn’t.
I woke up next to Jake, excited about the future for the first time in a really long time, and I wanted the future to start today. I left a note telling him to meet me on Arthur’s Seat at eleven thirty. I then put together our first-date meal and hiked up before him to prepare.
“The view definitely makes up for it,” he murmured, eyes glued to my face.
I tingled all over but put it aside. Sex was always easy for us. It was time to work on the relationship. “We never talk about our past. I think we’ve been so scared to bring up the bad stuff that we’ve forgotten all the good. Like our first date.”
“When you named my truck.”
I laughed. “When I named your truck. And when you teased me by not kissing me good night.”
It was Jake’s turn to chuckle. “I was waiting for the right moment.”
“And decided English class was the right moment?”
He shrugged. “I wanted it to be a moment you’d never forget, so that no matter what happened between us, you’d never forget me.”
“Well, mission accomplished. It’s a pretty amazing kiss for any other guy to live up to.”
Jake leaned closer, his expression serious. “And after last night… there are never going to be any other guys, right?”
I shifted close enough I could rest my chin on his knee and looked up at him from under my lashes. “It’s just you and me from now on. No games. No walls. I told you, I love you. I’m letting the fear go.”
I closed my eyes at the feel of his fingers on my skin as he brushed my hair behind my ear.
“No games?” he asked softly.
My eyes opened. “Yes.”
“Then I have a question.”
I lifted my head, but only to rest my arms across the top of his knees. “Shoot.”
“The nape thing,” his fingers tickled under my hair, brushing gently over the back of my neck, “what’s it all about?”
I grimaced but determined to be honest, I said, “It’s stupid.”
“It bothers me. It’ll always bother me when you pull away.”
“Okay. I get it.” I smiled unhappily and forged ahead with the truth. “You used to hold me that way. I used to think it was something you did unconsciously, asking me for my entire focus. I loved it. I thought it was hot but sweet at the same time.”
Jake frowned. “So what changed?”
“The night at Teviot… the night you chased me out of the bar, asking me to give you a chance to apologize…”
“Yeah?”
“The reason I ran out that night is because I turned around and I saw you with Melissa… your hand on her nape, holding her the way I thought you only ever held me. See? Stupid.”
We were both quiet as the words danced on the air between us. Finally, Jake exhaled. “I can’t fix those mistakes, Charley. Even though it kills me that I’ve done things to hurt you, meant or not, I can’t take them away. I can’t undo it. But I can promise you this… no one will ever mean to me what you do.” His eyes took on a faraway look. “When I first met you at the bonfire, I was freaked out by what I was feeling. I was nearly seventeen, I could get girls, I’d been with a few, so I was cocky and arrogant and had no plans to date a girl exclusively.” He chuckled and I grinned as I remembered our first meeting. “You were kind of intimidating at first, but then you were funny and unconsciously sexy. I’d never met a girl like you and I’d never met anyone who I connected with so quickly. At the end of that party, I knew that everything had changed. I couldn’t give a shit about any other girl. I wanted to get to know you better.” His smile was a little shy. “I wanted to deserve to get to know you.”
I blinked back tears at the memories, reassuring Jake with a small grin when he saw the wet in my eyes. “Those six months with you were the best I’ve ever had in my whole life. It’s like… I don’t know, I’m just so relieved to be able to look back on them now and remember falling in love with you without feeling like one of us died.”
Jake nodded solemnly. “That’s how I felt too.”
“We don’t have to feel that way anymore. We’ve made it through.”
Jake cupped my face in his hands. “I’m never letting you go,” he murmured his vow. “Even if you try to make me… never again.”
I nuzzled into his touch. “Right back at you, Caplin.”
Jake laughed, pressed a soft kiss to my lips, and pulled back to stare down at the picnic. “Are we going to eat? I’m a little hungry after all that making up we did last night.”
“Mmm, me too.” I handed him a sandwich. “I should be exhausted, but I’m not.”
He grinned. “I’ll just need to try harder next time.”
“Try any harder and I won’t be able to walk afterwards.”
We laughed and continued to eat in perfect, comfortable quiet. Scrunching up my sandwich wrapper, I settled on my back and stared up at the cloudy sky. “You were kind of bossy last night.”
“Yeah. You didn’t seem that upset, though,” he pointed out.