I stumbled, discombobulated. My eyes swept my surroundings, taking in the trees, all the green, and all… the gravestones. I tripped over one, leaning on it to right myself.
The name engraved on the gray stone froze me to the spot.
Andrea Delia Redford.
“No,” I whispered, falling to my knees, my hands rubbing over the letters as if I could make them go away.
“You can’t.”
My head jerked up and I looked at my mother, standing over me. “Mom?” I licked the tears from my lips.
“You can’t make it go away.”
I shook my head. “No. This isn’t real.”
Mom cocked her head in thought and then pointed down the rows of the gravestones. Tears glistened in her eyes. “It feels real.”
I followed her gaze.
A black gravestone with the engraving Charlotte Julianne Redford.
My lips felt numb. “It’s not real.”
The air shifted around me and Mom lowered herself beside me. She had flowers in her hand. She put a few on Andie’s grave and then a few on the one next to it. My eyes flew to the headstone.
Sophia Roberta Brown.
“Grandma?”
Mom nodded. “She understands me.”
“I don’t… I’m so confused.”
Misunderstanding me, Mom gave me a sympathetic smile. “We couldn’t lay you to rest together, sweetie. You and Andie. Not after everything. It would be hypocritical.”
“What?” I gasped. “We’re not dead! We’re not dead!”
Her face clouded over. “I’m sick of this. You have to face up to your mistakes.” She frowned. “What is that noise?”
What noise?
“Do you hear it?” She stood and stamped her foot. “This is a cemetery! What is with that incessant noise?”
“Mom?” I watched her stride away. “Mom?”
I stopped. I could hear it too now. I whirled around, looking for the source. Was that Bastille?
THIS IS THE RHYTHM OF THE NIGHT!
My eyes slammed open in the dark and I gasped for breath.
It took me a moment to come out of the dream and realize what had woken me up—the ringtone on my phone. Lunging across my bed, I whacked my hand off the corner of my bedside table before snatching the glowing phone. I squinted against the blur of sleep-fogged eyes and tensed at the caller ID.
Jake.
Why was Jake calling me at… five in the morning?
Too tired to fight, too unsettled to deal with whatever it was he was planning to throw at me after weeks of radio silence, I ignored his call and rolled back over.
Seconds after it stopped ringing, it started again.
Huffing, I grabbed it back up. This time it was Lowe.
Did Jake really think I was that stupid?
I slammed the phone down and closed my eyes.
It started ringing again.
“Jesus effing Christ,” I hissed and snatched up the phone, ready to decline the call when I noticed the caller ID now said Denver.
Worry instantly shot through me. Denver never called.
“Hello,” I answered, hastily sitting up and leaning over to switch on my lamp.
“Charley, it’s me,” Denver said quietly. “We’re sorry to be calling so late, early, whatever, but we’re looking for Beck.”
Hearing the concern in his voice instantly quadrupled my own. Denver was pretty laid-back. If he was worried, then there was cause for worry. “I haven’t spoken to Beck in weeks,” I told him. “Not since Lowe’s party. Neither has Claud.”
“Are you sure? Charley… Beck’s dad died. And now Beck’s missing.”
“Oh my God.” I closed my eyes, feeling an ache deep in my chest.
From what I’d gathered from Claudia and Jake, Beck’s mom and dad split along time ago. Beck lived with his mom and a stepdad he didn’t get along with, and he visited his father whenever he could. His dad lived not far from where Jake’s parents settled in Chicago. He was a musician who lived off the royalties of a couple of famous radio and TV jingles, but he was a raging alcoholic and not the best role model.
“We tried to call Claudia but she’s not picking up.”
“I’ll check,” I told him softly. “Just give me a second.”
I put on my slippers and robe and hurried out of my room, down the hall to Claudia’s. “Claudia,” I knocked loudly.
The door opened a few seconds later and I was surprised to see her awake and so alert. My eyes drew past to her bed and I stilled at the sight of Beck lying sprawled out across it. He was fast asleep.
Claudia slipped out of the room, and followed me back to mine.
I picked up the phone before she could say anything. “He’s here,” I told Denver.
“Thank God.”
I jerked, surprised to hear Jake’s voice. “Jake…”
“I’m coming for him. Keep him there.”
He hung up and I stared at the phone a second too long.
“That was Jake?” Claudia asked, her voice a little hoarse.
I nodded and slumped down on my bed. “When did Beck get here?”
She ran a shaky hand through her hair. “He turned up at the door about one. He was hammered and crying—” She choked on the word as she rubbed at her eyes. “Oh God, Charley. How do I handle this? He lost his dad and he needs me but—”
“There are no buts.” I drew her in for a hug. “You’d hate yourself if you didn’t give him the comfort he needs.”
My friend clung to me. “I know you’re right. But I’m scared. How selfish is that?”
“It’s not selfish,” I promised her. “It’s natural. But Claud… the worst thing in the world just happened to him and you’re the one person he sought out.”
She processed this and I felt her arms tighten around me.
Although Claudia was skipping class, she insisted I go to mine. I decided not to argue with her because I thought it might be best if she spent the day alone with Beck. She’d managed to get the story out of him before he passed out in her arms the night before. His dad’s death was completely unexpected—a heart attack.
What made it worse was that he’d been dead for almost twenty-four hours before a neighbor called police because his stereo was playing loudly through the night. Claudia said Beck was agonizing over the fact that if the music hadn’t been playing, it could’ve been days before anyone found his dad.
He blamed himself for not visiting enough, for not trying to take better care of him.
Guilt. Blame. Those were things I was pretty familiar with lately, and I’d be there for him, no matter his connection to Jake or our history. Honestly, though, it was pretty clear by his presence in West Lafayette that Beck only wanted one person to see him through this.
Despite Claudia’s misgivings, despite her resentment, I could see her concern for Beck overtaking everything. She found strength I didn’t think I could’ve had to see the bigger picture… and just… be there for him.
I left her making him the homemade soup she’d finally perfected.
I had one class in the morning and I didn’t register a word of it. Afterward, I hurried over to the library where I split my time working on my thesis and studying for the LSATs. My exam was only a week away but my mind wandered, and by the time I walked across campus to my law and society class, I’d processed about ten minutes of work in all.
Every five minutes I glanced at my phone in case Claudia texted but I heard nothing, so I sat through class, foot tapping impatiently, waiting for it to end. All I wanted was to hurry back to the apartment to check on my friends.
Finally, our professor dismissed us and I stuffed my notebook in my bag, preparing to run back to the apartment. However, Alex stopped me in my path.
He had attempted to hang out with me whenever he could. He asked constantly to tell him what was wrong, but I never confided in him. I knew he was frustrated but he kept at it, trying to be there for me even though I was a miserable asshat to be around.