“Did you know how hard it is to get out of the infantry? Lots try, but it takes a hell of a long time and a lot of letters of recommendation.”
“I did know it wouldn’t be an easy move, yes.”
I bit down on my tongue to keep from asking what his point was. If I couldn’t make the move, then I’d get out. Go civilian. I’d thought it through. I had a plan.
I wasn’t an idiot.
“I can help you make the move you need. One signature from me, and you’re moving up the ranks.” He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. “It would be a simple matter.”
I stiffened. I think I had an idea where this was going. “Sir…”
“Your unit is up for deployment soon,” he said, cocking his head. “You will go overseas, away from Carrie, if you don’t accept my help.”
“I’m flattered and honored for the offer, sir,” I said through my teeth. “However, with all due respect, I’d like to hear the cost of this favor before I accept.”
Because everything came with a price.
And if he said what I thought he was going to say, it would take all my self-control not to punch him in the mouth, fucking C.O. or not.
He nodded. “You’re a smart boy. I like that about you.”
“Thank you, sir,” I said stiffly.
“The cost isn’t much.” He uncrossed his arms. “Stop seeing Carrie.”
I stood up, rage making me see red. I’d known—known—this is what he would say, but it didn’t stop me from wanting to punch him in the fucking face. “No, thank you, sir.”
I only made it one step to the door before he spoke again. “Don’t you dare leave my office without leave, sergeant. You will hear me out. Sit down, boy.”
I clenched my fists and turned back, sitting even though I didn’t want to. “With all due respect, sir, I will not accept those terms. I will stop seeing Carrie if she asks me to. Other than that, I am not open to discussion.”
“Not even to advance your own life?”
I clenched my fists so tight if hurt. “Not even to save my own life, sir.”
“Good.” He sat back down, his lips pressed tight. “Now that that’s out of the way, let’s move on to the real proposition.”
I blinked at him. “Sir?”
“I wanted to make sure you really love her before I offered you this opportunity.” He picked up his coffee mug, which said World’s Best Daddy on it, and took a sip. “You obviously do, so I feel comfortable in offering you the chance of a lifetime.”
“You’re saying you were testing me?”
“Indeed. And you passed.” He set the mug down. “Now we can talk business.”
I stood up again. “Sir, what do you want from me?”
“I want you to sit down.”
For a second, I considered walking out. Not sitting. But the years of military discipline wouldn’t fucking let me. So I sat. “Sir.”
“I’ll tell you everything. It involves doing something similar to what you’re doing now, but with a huge reward.”
“And what would that be, sir?”
He pursed his lips. “You’ll find out. But first?” He picked up a pen and shoved a piece of paper at me. “Sign on the dotted line.”
I eyed the paper. “I don’t sign anything without reading it first, sir.”
“Then by all means, read it.” He leaned back in his chair and crossed his fingers over his stomach. “I’ll wait.”
I picked up the paper, scanning it quickly. By the time I was finished, I looked up at him, my eyes wide. This was a mission. A huge mission I didn’t think I should be reading about, hence the top-secret security clearance application I could see sitting on the desk. “Sir, is this what I think it is?”
“It is. And I can give you all the knowledge you need to pull it off if you sign.”
I picked up the pen, hesitated, and signed on the line.
15
Saturday evening I shoveled more food onto a man’s plate. I usually came to the soup kitchen on Sundays, but I was trying to keep myself as busy as possible. This time I’d dragged Marie with me. Speaking of which…
I met her eyes from across the room. She made a face at me and I nodded discreetly. It was time to go. There were only a few people here and it was getting dark. It had been a heck of a day. I’d said goodbye to my parents and then studied English with Cory for a few hours.
I felt exhausted yet wide awake at the same time. It was time to get out of here, maybe grab a bite to eat, and try to get some sleep. I had no idea what to expect when Finn returned. Or what to hope for, besides him not leaving.
As Finn would say…this fucking wait was fucking killing me.
I took off the hairnet and smiled at the woman who ran the place, earning a wave in return, set down some McDonald’s cards, and made my way to Marie. “You ready to go?”
She nodded and headed for the door. “I don’t know how you do this all the time. It’s depressing.”
Deja vu. “It’s not depressing. They’re hungry and need food.” I shrugged. “It’s simple.”
She rolled her eyes. “Well, now I’m hungry and need food, so feed me. Where are we going?”
I always went to Islands with Finn after the soup kitchen. It was weird not having him here with me. I missed him, and it had only been a few hours. What would it be like when he was gone? No, if he was gone?
“How about some Mexican?” I unlocked my car. “I could go for a quesadilla.”
“Sure.” She slid into the seat and pulled the mirror down, fluffing her hair. “If we go to that place on Pico, we could dance, too.”
“Dance? Yeah. I don’t think so.”
Marie rolled her eyes and buckled up. “You need to lighten up, Carrie. There’s nothing wrong with dancing.”
“You haven’t seen me dance,” I pointed out. “You’d disagree if you saw me in action.”
She laughed. “That bad?”
“That bad.”
“Okay, no dancing then.” She looked at me, her eyes shining with excitement. “Hey, we’re going skateboarding next weekend. How about if instead of feeding homeless people, you come with us? It’ll be fun.”
“That does sound fun.” I buckled up and pulled out of the parking lot. “Count me in.”
After we ate, I was on the way home alone. Marie had run into some guy she’d been flirting with lately and had chosen to stay with him. It was a relief, almost. It felt good to stop acting normal when I didn’t feel normal.
I felt stressed, exhausted, and way behind on life. And so freaking tired. Plus, I couldn’t stop thinking about what Finn was going to find out this weekend.
The whole way home, I went over every possible scenario that could come up. He could be going to war. Or maybe he was getting a promotion. Then again, he could be in trouble. Or he could be getting re-stationed across the country. The possibilities were endless, and I was driving myself crazy trying to figure out which one was the most statistically realistic one while also trying to figure out what my reaction would be.
If he had to move, would I move? Could I even do that?
I parked my car at the curb, not even realizing until I got out that I had gone to Finn’s apartment. I’d been on autopilot…but since I was here, I could use my key to get inside and take advantage of the shower. This morning I’d woken up too late, and the line for the showers had been horrendously long. I hadn’t had a good, hot shower in days, and I couldn’t wait to feel the hot water running down my body.