“I’m s-sorry.” She took a shaky breath and closed her eyes. “I’ll stop. I’m being stupid.”
I hugged her close, breathing in her scent. Her hair was hard against my cheek, and it smelled a little funky, but I didn’t care. I just wanted her to smile again. “Carrie, if you’re not okay with this…”
“I’m fine. We’re fine.” She smiled at me, even through the tears, and rested her hand over my heart. “I love you, and you made a good move. I just needed a second.”
I swallowed hard, the emotions inside of me warring with one another. I let go of her and lowered my head, not wanting her to see the emotions that were probably quite clear in my eyes. If I didn’t do this, then I’d only be deploying next year, which was a hell of a lot worse than what I’d be doing overseas now.
But that didn’t make it any easier on her.
Her fingers flexed on my shoulder. “You will not die. Tell me you won’t. Promise me.”
My heart wrenched. “I can’t make a promise I can’t keep, Ginger. I couldn’t even make it if I stayed here and never left my apartment. Shit happens. You know that, but this is a hell of a lot safer than getting shot at in the desert. I can tell you that much.”
“Then I guess I’ll have to take it.” She picked up her wine cooler and took a long sip. “I’d rather you stay with me, but I accept you can’t.”
I pulled her onto my lap and buried my face in her neck, hugging her against my chest as best I could. I swallowed hard, my chest and throat tight. “I promise to be diligent and to keep myself as safe as possible. I promise not to be an idiot. I promise not to be a martyr. But most importantly, I promise to fall asleep every night with you on my mind, and wake up smiling because I’m lucky enough to have you in my life.”
She kissed me. She tasted like tears and watermelon wine cooler. “I’m the lucky one, not you.”
Ha. Not true. I gripped her hips tight. “So we’re okay?”
“Yep.” She took a deep breath. “I’ll be here when you get back, and then we can move on. Be happy and normal. Right?”
I chuckled. “As normal as I can possibly be, sure.”
“Which is not at all,” she said, smiling at me and nudging me with her elbow. “Will you be able to call me? Or text?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Email, if nothing else, but you’ll be going home soon, so we’ll have to be careful. I don’t want you to have to tell your father without me. I want to be by your side, holding your hand when he finds out.”
“I’ll wait for you,” she said, meeting my eyes. “Don’t you worry about that.”
I knew she meant more than the words sounded at face value, and I loved her even more for it. “And I’ll be thinking of you the whole time.”
She gave me a shaky smile. “You only have two days to get ready to leave?”
“Yeah.” I flopped back against the couch, and she curled up against my side. “I guess I should call your dad.”
“He’s still on the plane. They’ll land soon.”
I nodded. “I’m going to be busy getting ready to leave, but I want to make sure we make time for us before I go. Monday night, it’s just you and me. Got it?”
She patted my chest. I wished I could see her face, but she had it buried in my chest. “You tell me when, and I’ll be here. You know that.”
“Maybe,” I said, grinning and kissing the top of her head.
I could feel her smile against my chest. “Your favorite word, if I remember correctly.”
“Nope.” I hugged her closer, so at peace with my decision and the future that I felt like I was floating on a cloud. “I have a new favorite word now.”
“Oh?” She rested her hands on my chest and looked up at me, all wide-eyed and softness. “And what might that be?”
“Ginger.”
She smiled up at me and pressed her lips to mine. As I slanted my chin and took control, deepening the kiss, I knew it would all be okay. I’d get through this assignment in one piece, and then she would be happy because I’d be here with her.
Her father would accept me, since I was now going to be a commissioned officer, and I’d also have the backing of one of his oldest friends. I’d been promised that, too. This assignment wasn’t without danger, but I’d told the truth when I said it wasn’t as dangerous as war.
At least this was short term, and I more than likely wouldn’t get shot at…
More than once or twice.
But it didn’t matter, because we had each other. We had love. And we had commitment. On top of that, I had the belief in my heart that we could survive this. Actually come out of the other side still happily together, as strong and steady as we were now. And if I managed to avoid getting killed over there?
Then maybe—just maybe…
We’d even get our happily ever after.
17
Monday afternoon, I closed my eyes for a second and took a deep breath. Right now, Finn was packing the last of his belongings, and I was going a little bit crazy. I know he thought this was for the best, and it very well might be true. But until he was home safe, and in my arms, I was not going to be okay with this. In fact, I was a mess.
A hot freaking mess.
Marie kicked me under the table. “Dude, are you sleeping over there or what?”
“Huh? No.” I straightened and cleared my throat, then smiled at her. “Sorry. It’s been a long couple of days on top of the late night.”
And it had. Dad was scampering to find someone to watch over me while Finn was gone, and Finn had been a whirlwind of activity since the night he told me he would be leaving. He’d had to get a whole bunch of shots, and then the packing and the phone calls…
He was doing this for us. Trying to make our life easier. But right now, all I knew was my boyfriend was leaving to go somewhere dangerous, and I wasn’t even allowed to know where.
My phone buzzed and I picked it up eagerly. It wasn’t Finn messaging me. It was Dad. Where are you?
I’m having coffee with my roommate.
A few seconds passed. Call me when you’re home.
I didn’t answer, and Marie sighed again. “You’re ignoring me for your man, aren’t you? And when will you tell me his name?”
“I wish. It’s my dad.” I showed her my screen. “And I can’t tell you. It’s too risky. The less you know, the better.”
“Ah.” Marie read the messages and rolled her eyes. “It’s all so secret and hush hush. You’d think you were dating Channing Tatum or something.”
I laughed. “Channing has nothing on him.”
“I wouldn’t know,” Marie said, frowning at me. “But since you refuse to tell me more, I’ll politely change the subject. Are you going home for the holidays?”
“I am.” I looked out the window, my eyes on the people walking by. They all wore sweaters and hats, but it was only in the low sixties. I missed the snow. The cold, brisk air. Even with all this mess with Finn going on, I was excited to go back. “Are you?”
“Yep. I leave the Friday after this one.”
“Saturday for me.” I swallowed hard and turned back to Marie. “Where are you from again?”
“Three hours from here,” she said, smiling. “So it’s not that long of a trip. You’re from back East, right?”
“Yeah.” I swallowed a sip of coffee. “D.C., to be exact.”
“Ah.” She laughed. “So you probably laugh at me when I put on a sweater out here, huh?”
“Laugh? Not exactly.” I smiled. “But it’s not cold to me, no.”
Marie looked out the window, a far-off look in her eyes. “I’ve never really been in snow. We drove to Bear Mountain a few times, but it doesn’t feel like winter when it only takes ten minutes down a mountain to get back into the spring, you know?”