“Are you bringing that with you?” she asked, swiping her hands across her dress.
“I am.” I pushed it aside. I’d been cleaning it earlier, and left it out to dry. “It’s kinda necessary in my job.”
“You don’t wear it here.”
“It’s not a hostile envir—” I broke off, realizing I was about to blurt out shit I wasn’t supposed to. And she, of course, knew what I’d been about to say. “I mean, it’s different.”
She paled and bit down on her lip. “Right.”
“Carrie…” I leaned forward and smoothed her hair back from her forehead. “Enough sad talk. Let’s focus on this, because it’s after midnight. That means it’s Christmas Day.”
She curled her hands into fists. “Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas.” I pressed my lips to hers, savoring the kiss. Soon enough, we’d be falling asleep, and I’d be leaving. “Santa brought you a present.”
She took the box from me, her gaze locked with mine. “I still wish I had something for you.”
“You can give it to me after I come back. Now open it.”
She nodded and ripped open the present. She ran her hands over the velvet case, her head lowered so I couldn’t make out the expression on her face. When she flipped open the lid, she gasped and touched the pendant of the necklace I’d picked out for her.
It was yellow gold, and it had a sun hanging off the delicate chain. I shifted my weight, wondering if she’d get the significance behind the gift.
She looked up at me, tears in her eyes. “The sun’s finally shining,” she said softly. The tears that had filled her eyes just seconds before spilled over, and she threw herself at me. “I l-love it. Thank you.”
I hugged her close, blinking because my eyes were stinging for some strange reason. “The sun will continue to shine because I have you. And you have me. Nothing will change that, okay?”
She nodded against my shoulder, her shoulders trembling as she cried. I held her close, making shushing sounds and saying words I didn’t even pay attention to. Hell, I’d have promised her the moon and the stars if it would make her smile again.
Anything for her.
By the time she pulled back, her mascara was all over her cheeks and she was a wreck, but she’d never looked more perfect to me. I swiped my thumbs across her face, but I only smeared her makeup even worse.
“Want me to help you put it on?” I asked, my voice coming out strained.
She nodded and handed me the box. After I took out the necklace, she lifted her hair so I could clasp it on. After it was securely fastened, I kissed the back of her neck and she shivered. “Thank you,” she said.
I nodded. “You ready for bed, or do you want to watch the movie?”
“Bed. I want to hold you until I have to let go.”
My heart twisted. “Deal.”
I led her to the bed and pulled back the covers, once we were naked, we made love. I held her in my arms until she fell asleep. The last thought on my mind, before I gave in to the overwhelming exhaustion that had been hitting me ever since I found out I was leaving, was that something that was this good couldn’t possibly end badly.
We deserved our happily ever after, damn it.
Carrie
I didn’t want to fall asleep. Didn’t want to close my eyes. I lay there for a long time, my eyes on the cheery Christmas tree and my ears tuned in to Finn’s even breathing. His arms were around me, and I had my ankle looped over his. It was heaven. How could I fall asleep when I didn’t know how long it would be until I felt this way again?
My eyes drifted shut, but I forced them open again. I didn’t want to miss a single moment of tonight. Wanted to cherish it. Hold it close to my heart in the upcoming weeks. My lids drifted shut again. I tried to lift them, but it didn’t work. Maybe I would spend one minute resting them. I wanted to stay awake so badly. Wanted to hold him. Love him. Hug him. I wanted…
Him.
20
I brushed her hair off her cheek, my chest so tight I couldn’t even fucking breathe. I’d already gotten dressed in my cammies, finished packing my last-minute stuff, and cleaned up dinner from last night so Hernandez wouldn’t come home to a pigsty later this afternoon. She hadn’t stirred through all the noise I’d made, proving how heavy of a sleeper she really was, but now I had to wake her.
All that was left was saying goodbye.
The hardest fucking part.
It was four forty-five in the morning, which meant my ride would be here in less than fifteen. It also meant I had to walk away from the one thing in this world that made my world brighter. I’d known it wasn’t going to be easy, but I hadn’t realized exactly how hard it would be.
The sun necklace I’d given her rested directly on the pale skin over her pulse, and all I could think was this was it. This was the beginning of a time when she wouldn’t be with me, and I’d be off doing God knows what, while she was here without me.
There were so many things wrong with those sentences.
I leaned down and rested my forehead on her temple, my mind flashing back to the first time she’d slept over my house. I’d been dying to touch her, but unable to, and she’d been feeling the same way. I’d felt so desolate that I’d never get to have her, and now I had her, but I was walking away.
I breathed in her scent and kissed her on the tiny freckle under her eye, high on her cheekbone. “Ginger, I have to go.”
“Hmm,” she mumbled, rolling her head toward me but not opening her eyes.
She wasn’t awake.
Part of me wanted to leave her sleeping peacefully. She was going to cry when we said goodbye, and all I wanted was to make her happy. So why should I wake her up to let her cry? But leaving without that goodbye didn’t feel right either.
“Carrie,” I whispered, kissing her lips gently. “I have to go.”
“Go?” Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled at me for a fraction of a second before it faded away. That must have been when she remembered where I was going. “Oh. Oh God. Okay.”
Her arms snaked around my neck and she held on so tightly what I could barely talk, let alone breathe, but I didn’t protest. Why would I?
I needed her love more than I needed to breathe.
I hugged her close, burying my face in her neck. Walking away might be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but it would be worth it in the end. And if I kept telling myself that, then it would be true…ish.
I kissed the side of her neck, wanting to apologize for leaving even though I was doing what I had to do, and it would be okay. We’d be okay. “It’ll be all right.”
She nodded frantically, but didn’t release her death grip on me. “I know. I just need a second.”
I kissed the side of her neck again, since that’s all I could reach with her stranglehold on me. “This isn’t a goodbye. It’s a see you later.”
She made a small sound. “That’s true. It’s only, like, a month.”
Actually, it was two. But I didn’t feel the need to point that out. “Right.” I pulled back to look at her, and she let me. I smiled down at her, trying to show her how calm I was about this whole situation so she’d feel at ease. “It’ll pass by fast with Thanksgiving and Christmas…then before you know it, I’ll be back here bossing you around, annoying you, and making you roll your eyes.”
She let out a small laugh and her dimple popped out. Fuck, I loved that dimple. “You don’t annoy me…too much.”
“There you go sugarcoating things for me.”