“No, no one is going to do anything…final. We will figure something out.”
“Max this isn't a mountain you can climb, this isn't a game you can win by putting more effort into it. This is it. I got bit. I got infected and I am going to die. Tonight. You cannot sit there and say you are going to figure something out.”
Max bowed his head into his hands and sobbed. Sarah continued, “You have to do it. I want you to do it.”
Max raised his tear stained face and looked at her. Giving her a curt nod.
“Good, should we go into the back yard, away from the kids?”
Horrified Max said, “I'm not doing it now! You are still alive!”
She smiled at him, “Better now before…I turn. At least we could get away from the kids and they wouldn't have to see. If you wait until I change we could be out there all night, plus if I stay here it would be a mess to clean up.”
Max just stared at her, then with some anger in his voice he said, “You are going to die and you are worried about the mess it would make in our bedroom?”
Sarah shrugged, “I am being realistic. If you wait until I change you would have to shoot me here, then drag me out past the other bedrooms, maybe the kids would see, maybe not. Then you would have to deal with the blood and stuff. It is better to just go do it now and get it over with, before the pain gets worse.”
“No, I think I can do it after you turn, but no way, no way can you ask me to do this before that happens. I would always think maybe we were too soon, maybe you would fight it off, maybe you wouldn't turn out like the others.”
It was Sarah's turn to nod, “I won't make a murderer of you, any more than I would commit suicide. When I am gone you have to do it, it won't be murder then, so don't think it will be.”
Of the two of them Sarah was the more religious. Max was always the one who attended church 'just in case', he felt he that an hour of fellowship was not as important as a week of treating people right, but went with Sarah at her insistence. Sarah was far more apt to obey the commandments to the letter than Max and had very strong feelings on things like abortion, suicide and murder. During their college years she had even been arrested protesting at a candle light vigil the night Colorado put one of it's murderers to death. The two of them had gone around several times about raising the children in the church, Sarah did not approve of Max's casual attitude regarding their religious education. It was for this reason alone, Max surmised, that Sarah would not put a gun to her own head and pull the trigger right now. Suicide was still a mortal sin and she fully expected to be waiting for her family in Heaven when they joined her.
“Max you have to promise me to take care of the kids when I am gone.”
“What the hell kind of a thing to say? I'm their father, I am not going to run off just because you are not around.”
“Oh I know you will be there for them, but I know how you are too. I want you to promise to make sure they continue, you know, in the church, if it is possible. It is what I want.”
“The church? What church? We will be lucky if the kids live to have kids, the way things are going.”
“I know but promise you will, if you can?” Sarah's face was pale and still sweaty.
“Dammit I thought I was going to get to weasel out of that.”
“This isn't a joke and you still haven't promised, it is my dying wish Max!” Sarah said seriously.
Sighing heavily, like a good martyr, Max replied, “I will do my best, you don't expect me to be all biblical on them right?”
“No, I couldn't squeeze blood from a rock, but you have to promise me that you will bring them up in the church. Say it.” she pressed.
“I promise I will do my best to raise our children in the church. There, good enough?”
She nodded and leaned back against the pillows piled behind her.
“That is just like you to make me promise that. I mean who says 'dying wish' anymore? That is only the stuff you see in movies!”
Sarah smiled, “I win another battle after all these years.”
“Oh you've won your share and we both know it.”
The smile stayed on her face and she nodded, “Sure, so have you, that is what being married is all about. Give and take. We had some good times?”
“We never made it to Hawaii.” Max said regretfully.
“Think about what we did do. We have two great kids, we took them all over, me and you traveled around like vagabonds after college before settling down. We have a strong family.”
“Yeah, I guess we do. It was Nick who settled us down as I remember.”
“Oh yes, he gave me pains developing and gave us pains the first six months of his life, the kid never slept!” said Sarah.
“Remember the drum set?” Max asked. Sarah's dad had given Nick a junior drum set for Christmas when Nick was four. “I just about banned your dad from the house after that!”
“Yeah but he gave us the car, it was the way his humor worked. Still I wasn't too sad when Nick 'lost' his drum sticks after a couple weeks.” said Sarah.
“Oh, I took one of them. I just couldn't stand it after awhile.”
“That's alright, I took the other a day later.”
“You did?!” Max was surprised.
“Yeah, I figured out you had snagged the first one, so you left me to finish the job. Typical really. I always wondered why you didn't snag both of them?”
“Well, I thought it would be suspicious if he lost them both at the same time. I actually thought he lost the other one on his own.”
“See? We are still learning things about each other. Well, you about me anyway.”
“Yeah, you were always the sneaky one, me? I am a straight arrow, predictable and reliable.”
“You come around eventually.” Sarah conceded.
Max just looked at his wife for awhile, then started crying again. “What am I going to do? What am I going to do without you?”
Sarah hugged him close and whispered, “Live. Take care of the kids, but live your life.”
They stayed that way for awhile before Sarah finally said, “Max, I want to go to the attic.”
“What?”
“Lets go to the attic, then, if you have to do it, no one will see and you can just leave me here in our house. I know you aren't going to stay, right?”
“We haven't made plans yet.”
“You didn't come to get me and the kids so we could all stay here, I know you are going to go somewhere. You can leave me in the attic, let me stay where I had so many good times.”
“In the attic?”
“Max.” Sarah said sharply, “You know what I mean. The attic is closer than most people get to be to their homes when they die. Say a prayer over me for the kids and then just go. Come on, lets move up there now.”
“Is it time? Already?”
“No, but I keep feeling weaker and I don't want you to have to carry me up there. Where we slept should still be there, I will just curl up and go to sleep. I will be okay and you can do what needs to be done after.”
They went out into the hall together and Max pulled down the stairway ladder using the rope he had tied to it again. As they went up Max noticed someone had cleaned all the fallen insulation up out of the hallway and put a piece of wood over the hole on the attic side to keep more from falling out.
Sarah settled down among the kid's sleeping bags and stuffed animals, then pointed at the kid's pillows, “You better toss these down, Jessica likes her own pillow and I don't want her to come looking for it later.
Stewart's head popped up at the attic access. “Everything okay up here?”
“Yeah, Sarah is going to settle in here.” Max replied.
“I…yeah, okay, I can see that makes sense. How are you doing Sarah?”