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1.
Feeling, in an odd way, hurt by the goings-on at the court, wounded somehow, and certainly feeling needlessly distracted by it all (for, really, what of it concerned him?), Dread decided to pack in his gear and head for Blue Job, where, in recent weeks, there had been three cougar-sightings of the same, steel-gray, male cat.
It would be good to kill that beast, he thought, for he had not killed anything in almost a month, and he felt the hunger and the deprivation snarling in his belly like tangled ropes. Besides, the cougar was a big one. It was a fast one and it was strong, and a very wise and very dangerous one, he thought.
2.
He knew the tough, high country around Blue Job as well as any white man did and better than most Indians. He had hunted up there along the wind-shattered sides of the blue, nose-shaped rock for seven summers, night and day, from his thirteenth year to his twentieth. For the first five summers he had hunted with the guides, Abenakis, most of them, and then he had spent a couple of summers up there alone. For five years now — though he had traveled to, and hunted on, every continent in the world — he had not been back to Blue Job. It was almost as if he had become afraid of the mountain, he thought, lacing up his L.L. Bean hunting boots.
3.
He took no more gear than what he could carry on his own back: a one-man Greenland mountain tent, his down-filled sleeping bag, one pot, one skillet, a Svea gas stove, his Norm Thompson fold-away flycasting outfit, one change of clothes, and the Ten Essentials: maps (Geological Survey maps of the Blue Job quadrangle), a compass, a flashlight, sunglasses, emergency rations (raisins, chickpeas, and powdered eggs), waterproofed matches, a candle for starting fires in dampness, a U.S. Army blanket, a Swiss Army pocketknife, and a small first aid kit. Also, a skinning knife, which he wore on his belt, one hundred rounds of ammunition, and his trusted Remington 30.06 rifle with the special Howard Hughes scope and sight that he had used to such miraculous advantage in Tanzania. — This one helps you kill the big ones, he had written to Hughes.
4.
Egress rolled over in his bunk and watched his brother finish packing. — Where you going? he asked idly.
— Goin’ to the high country, the far outback, headin’ for the deep piny woods, lightin’ out for the territory.
— Alone, I suppose.
— Alone, Dread said.
— Coming back soon?
— Cain’t say, Dread opined. Seated cross-legged on the floor, shoving his gear into the Kelty, he looked like a young, raw-boned lieutenant in the U.S. Cavalry, a noble fool preparing to leave on a dangerous mission behind enemy lines, a secret mission that he, and no one else, had volunteered for. He had covered his pale, freckled face with lampblack and his long, blond hair with a watch cap.
— Why’re you done up like that?
— So no one will see me, Dread told him.
— Right, Egress said.
5.
By dawn he had reached the shadow of Blue Job. Standing in a clearing, he watched the sun inch heavily over the mountain’s knobby profile, and he guessed he was now inside the cougar’s territory, about eight miles in a line from the top of the mountain.
He began looking for signs, cougar shit, tracks, or a fresh kill, as he walked headlong toward Blue Job. The sun rose higher, and he began to sweat. He could smell his woolen clothing, and he knew the cougar could, too, and it excited him. He shoved three bullets into his rifle and took off the safety and kept on walking, his head facing the mountain, his eyes darting from side to side and down, searching for signs. This was how the Abenaki had taught him, but he did not remember that, for he’d learned it truly.
6.
Suddenly he knew he was being watched. Turning around, slowly, like a sleepy cat, he saw the steel-gray cougar crouched about twenty yards away in a short, shallow crevasse between two high, moss-covered rocks. He and the animal stared at each other for nearly a full minute, when, in a single move, the cougar sprang to the top of one of the large rocks and disappeared into the dense underbrush behind it.
Dread felt a chill wipe his entire body. Next time I’ll get closer before I look at him, he decided. Then he sat down on the sun-warmed ground for a moment; his legs felt watery, and he was afraid he would fall.
7.
Walking on, he unaccountably remembered watching an Indian woman have her baby in a pine grove, mingling the blood and afterbirth with the warm, sweet-smelling pine needles on the ground. But then he couldn’t remember if he’d actually seen that or had only dreamed it and was remembering a dream. He finally decided that it didn’t matter: whichever, he had been mightily impressed.
8.
He stopped for lunch — tea and beef jerky — on the side of a large, granite outcropping. This time the cougar walked out of an aspen grove at the far end of the outcropping, and, leaping onto the rock, sat there and waited, watching him while he chewed on the dried beef and sipped his tea. They seemed to be studying each other’s eyes. Finally, the cougar turned and loped back into the forest, headed east, toward Blue Job.
Dread started to feel a little crazy. — My god, he thought, — who needs to race automobiles at 160 miles an hour, when you can have this! He named the cougar Merlin, after his favorite car, a Merlin Lotus Rue.
9.
As he got to his feet, moving slightly off-balance and too quickly, he reached for his rifle, which he had leaned against the chunk of rock he had been sitting on, and he knocked the gun off the rock to the grassy ground about ten or twelve feet below, where it fired, sending a bullet into the young man’s right ear and out the top of his head, hurling him off the rock into the blackberry brambles on the other side, where he had three quick visions, and died.
10.
DREAD’S FIRST VISION
A hot wind roaring, a tilt to the landscape, which is quickly righted, and then he is flying through the air a few feet above the ground, when suddenly the flight ceases, and he seems to hover, bodiless; looking down, he sees gray paws and legs, and he lets his tongue loll, and he pants, and for a second realizes that he is becoming the cougar; and then he forgets this, for he has in fact become the cougar, which immediately pisses on a blackberry bush and commences hunting.
11.
DREAD’S SECOND VISION
His battered, hurt body is washed and anointed with oils and laid out in a white gown and left on a redwood bier in a dimly lit room heavy with the smell of burning incense; he is conscious, sort of, but is unable to speak or move, until a man enters the room, a man wearing an exotically cut, glistening green suit with flowers, daisies, apple blossoms, black-eyed Susans, in his curly hair; and when the man takes Dread’s hand, Dread is able to speak and move, as if by magic; sitting up, he steps lightly from the bier and, his hand still held by the green man, says, — Am I the one? — Yes, is the answer, uttered in a melodic voice full of sweetness and light and delicate caring. — The others? Dread asks. — The others are where they have always been. You were chosen to leave because you alone were thought to be the angelic one, the green man informs him; and together, holding hands, they leave the darkening room for the sun-drenched meadows outside.
12.
THE VISION OF TOO BAD: DREAD’S THIRD VISION
The first two visions are categorically denied.
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