— Can you tell me where the gymnasium is located? the Subject asks her.
— Hi! she replies. — I’m 37-24-37! Terrific, huh?
— I’m trying to locate the gymnasium. I want to see the famous Prince Orgone run and jump and throw.
— Jeepers, my daddy says I’ve got the body of Raquel Welch, the personality of Marie Wilson, and the brains of a quail! I love the prince! I’ve got all his records! Do you know the prince? Jessum, how em-barrassing! I’m 34-27-34! I mean, 37-24-37! How em-barrassing! I can’t even remember my own name!
— Are you all right? he asks.
— I’m dying! she cries, and noticing the light has turned green, she scampers across the street, scattering books and papers behind her as she runs. The Subject speaks to no one else and succeeds in getting to the gymnasium on his own.
5.
The Subject wears his hair in current fashion. He has little or no facial hair and no distinguishing facial marks, scars, moles, warts, or tattoos. He is quite harmless-looking. Except for his obvious intensity and the fact that none of his graces appear to have been learned (the final grace), he looks like a young man or woman in the diplomatic service. Thus, even though he does not present the proper identification papers, he is waved into the gymnasium area by the guard, is issued a “Distinguished Visitor” pass, and is given the run of the place.
It should be noted that everywhere he goes, the Subject inadvertently reveals flaws, oversights, and malfunctions in the various systems. It is not clear whether this is intentional. If not, he might be of immense use to the systems.
Conclusion: The Subject warrants further study.
6.
He leans against the chain link fence that encloses the playground behind the gymnasium proper and watches the Crown Prince run, jump, and throw. When the prince has completed his exercises and has gone into the showers, the Subject departs, and, as he departs, he drops, or perhaps throws, to the ground the small piece of paper on which he earlier was observed writing:
Right-handed, favors left knee and hip slightly (chondromalacia, probably). Will doubtless move to his right when threatened. Large muscles are overdeveloped, small ones underdeveloped: not as much endurance as he probably thinks he can rely on if threatened. Could be dangerous, if threatened, especially because of martial skills, but can be overcome by almost any opponent using disciplined, intelligent force.
On the strength of this note, the Subject is arrested and imprisoned, where he presently languishes unafraid.
7.
FIRST INTERROGATION
INQUISITOR: Are you working alone?
SUBJECT: Alone?
INQUISITOR: Do you have co-conspirators?
SUBJECT: No. Of course not.
INQUISITOR: Then you are working alone!
SUBJECT: Well, yes.
SUMMATION: Subject insists no one else involved in his assassination plot.
8.
SECOND INTERROGATION
INQUISITOR: Did you realize, when you hatched your insidious plot, that in this country assassination is a capital offense? Did you know that we execute assassins?
SUBJECT: I surmised it.
INQUISITOR: Aha!
SUMMATION: Subject is not insane, as was formerly thought, and must be judged responsible for his actions.
9.
THIRD INTERROGATION
INQUISITOR: What is your real name? Your legal name.
SUBJECT: Steve Katz.
INQUISITOR: Don’t fuck with me, wiseass, or I’ll break your fingers. What’s your real name? We have ways…
SUBJECT: Ronald Sukenick.
INQUISITOR: Cut the funny stuff. This is serious! You are in no position to be funny.
SUBJECT: Artemas Ward. Laurence Sterne. Lamar Sabacthani.
INQUISITOR: One last time, before we break all your limbs. What’s your real name?
SUBJECT: John Doe.
SUMMATION: Subject is hereinafter to be referred to as John Doe.
10.
FOURTH INTERROGATION
INQUISITOR: Why were you in the vicinity of Blue Job mountain when Prince Dread was shot and killed?
JOHN DOE: I went there to watch him hunt a cougar. I wanted to know if he was the hunter he thought he was.
INQUISITOR: And was he?
JOHN DOE: No. Obviously not.
SUMMATION: John Doe freely admits to having tracked down Prince Dread on the ill-fated “Blue Job Cougar Hunt.”
11.
FIFTH INTERROGATION
INQUISITOR: What were you doing at Lulu’s the night Prince Egress was killed by the Indian band?
JOHN DOE: I wanted to see if he was as in touch with his anger as he seemed to think he was.
INQUISITOR: And was he? No, never mind. Disregard that last question.
SUMMATION: John Doe freely admits to having goaded the child-like band of Abenaki “Friendlies” into attacking Prince Egress at Lulu’s.
12.
SIXTH INTERROGATION
INQUISITOR: Do you know a schoolgirl named 37-24-37? She claims that you are her father and that you made obscene sexual overtures toward her.
JOHN DOE: I know her only slightly. But I’m not her father, a man who insults and reviles her and who, therefore, is probably the person who made a pass at her. Thus, she’s only half-right. Someone made a pass at her. But I would never do such a thing. I’m virtually a stranger to her.
INQUISITOR: Do you know the dwarf Genghis? He claims you are responsible for his having been fired from his job.
JOHN DOE: I do know him, and I’m glad he’s being treated more fairly, but no, I can’t claim responsibility.
INQUISITOR: Okay, answer this one correctly and you get all the prizes. How did you kill Prince Orgone?
JOHN DOE (PROUDLY): Blood poisoning. You’ll recall that he broke a bottle of body cologne in the shower a few days ago and stepped on a piece of the broken glass, cutting his left foot slightly. He should have stayed away from those public showers until after the cut had healed, but he knew he’d go crazy if he skipped a workout. He was trapped by himself, like the others.
INQUISITOR: Well said, Mr. Doe. But just for the hell of it, why these three young princes, each in the prime of his life? Why these young fellows? Why not the king?
JOHN DOE: I’ve got a thing about princes, I guess.
SUMMATION: We’ve got our man. We’ve got his plot.
8
1.
The Loon, because of his job as janitor, or custodian, for the Star Chamber, a position obtained for him by the king, had no difficulty in keeping abreast of developments. He knew more about what was going on than did the king himself. Unlike the king, however, he didn’t care about what was going on, which is why the king had appointed him to this somewhat delicate post in the first place. The king had many faults, but he knew how to maintain security. He knew that every morning, after a night of cleaning up the inquisition rooms, the Loon would go home to his tree house in Central Park and forget practically everything he had seen, heard, or smelled. The Loon was much too self-absorbed to be a busybody.
2.
The Loon was like a bat. He slept all day long, from sunrise to sunset, regardless of where he was or what was expected of him. He would, as the sun rose, simply fold whatever piece of cloth there was at hand, a drapery, a rug, a coat, around him like a shroud and drop off to sleep, usually positioning himself in a foetal heap in a corner. The only thing that could wake him was the sunset. In many ways, the habit was inconvenient and sometimes embarrassing to others, but it was a habit he had formed early in childhood and thus he was devoted to it. Actually, all his habits were formed early in childhood, and he was devoted to all his habits. He had not formed a new habit or broken an old one since his fourth birthday.