Jenn stretched and reached with both hands for the ceiling, lengthening her spine and inhaling deeply. She rose from the bed and continued stretching from side to side, taking inventory of the minor aches and pains she would need to care for during the day.
Giving up on the notion of going back to sleep, she strode across the carpet, unclipped the hanger from the drapes, and threw them open. The sun had just risen and wasn’t shining directly onto her room, but the brightness of the cloudless morning still invaded her sanctuary. Pressing her nose to the sliding glass door, she looked down on the empty beach and counted a handful of surfers already paddling out into the water.
I want to bring Andy here, she thought.
She looked across the water and knew he was out there somewhere, floating on an aircraft carrier hundreds of miles from shore.
Turning away from her southeast-facing view of Diamond Head, she walked to the bathroom to start the shower. But before reaching it, she stopped and clutched her stomach as it knotted up with a sudden and inexplicable wave of nausea. In a panic, she raced the rest of the way and instead of reaching for the knob to run the water in the shower, she dropped to her knees in front of the toilet and lifted the seat to empty the contents of her stomach into the porcelain bowl.
What the hell?
Her stomach had bothered her the last couple of days, but she just assumed it had been something she ate. Food poisoning wasn’t that uncommon in her line of work. But this wasn’t food poisoning.
The wave of nausea subsided, and Jenn wiped her mouth with toilet paper before flushing it. She stood and looked at her reflection in the mirror, pleased that her hard work in the gym and disciplined diet had paid off. She refused to be one of those flight attendants who let themselves go and spent more time at the seamstress getting their uniforms altered than in the hotel gym.
But the mirror was playing tricks on her. Her muscular and toned body somehow looked softer.
Shrugging it off, she brushed her teeth to rid the taste of vomit, then turned on the shower and let the steam fill the cramped bathroom. Her stomach felt better, but she knew she still had a long way to go before she could safely assume she was out of the woods.
Climbing into the shower, Jenn pulled the curtain closed and stood underneath the hot water, letting it soak her aching muscles and wash away the fatigue that never seemed to go away. The nomadic lifestyle of a flight attendant wasn’t nearly as glamorous as she had imagined as a young girl — or as she portrayed on her social media. Gone were the romantic days of air travel.
She ran her hands down her body and felt the bruises that seemed to appear out of nowhere. She could place the origin of maybe one or two as an errant bump into a beverage cart or misplaced armrest, but most remained a mystery. Her hands stopped as they crossed her abdomen, and she looked down. It definitely looked bloated, which was odd considering she had just thrown up and hadn’t eaten much in the past day or two thanks to the nausea.
Nausea…
Nope.
She shook away the thought, refusing to let her mind go there. To further distract her inquisitive subconscious, she reached for the bottle of shampoo and squeezed half its contents into her open hand, then ran her fingers through her hair and scrubbed her scalp until she had a thick, fragrant lather. She stepped forward under the stream of water and felt the shampoo rinse from her head and run down her face, between her breasts, and down to her round stomach.
No way.
She turned to rinse the shampoo from the back of her head and felt the water caressing her shoulders and continued running her fingers through her hair while ignoring the voice in her head. It was doing a damn good job of convincing her of what she knew was a definite possibility.
What if I’m pregnant?
Jenn groaned and turned around to shut off the water. She stood in the shower and let the water drip from her body. Until she knew for certain, she would continue to worry. And what worried her most was how Andy would react. She knew he loved her and knew they would be together forever, but she didn’t know how he felt about children.
Throwing open the shower curtain, she grabbed a towel hanging from the rack over the toilet and dried herself off. She left the bathroom and reached into her open suitcase to pull out a pair of Athleta yoga pants and a loose sleeveless workout top, then slipped on her running shoes and hurried back to the bathroom to brush the tangles from her wet hair. Satisfied she was somewhat presentable, she grabbed her wallet and room key and left for the drugstore on Kalakaua.
That one question consumed her every thought as she made her way to the drugstore and back to her room, where she slipped into the bathroom with another bout of nausea. With her stomach somewhat settled but her nerves shot, she ripped open the package and hovered over the toilet to take the first test she hoped she failed.
She pulled the stick out from under her and replaced the cap before setting it on the counter, where she tried her best to ignore it. Picking up the box, she read the instructions again, then started a timer on her watch for three minutes.
The longest three minutes of her life.
She stood and pulled her yoga pants up, then walked out of the bathroom to avoid looking at the pregnancy test on the counter, taunting her with a visible control line. She went to the nightstand and picked up her phone, hoping to see an email from Andy.
When she saw that her inbox was still empty, she cursed him, then quickly chided herself for her lack of patience. He would write when he was awake. He always had. He was dependable and would be there for her when she needed him.
And she needed him now more than ever.
Has it been three minutes yet?
She set her phone down and walked to the window overlooking Waikiki Beach and saw that more surfers had joined the early morning wave riders, braving the dawn to harness mother nature. She wondered how many of them were pregnant or had children of their own.
Is this what my life has become?
Would she forever live her life through the lens of somebody who has seen two pink lines side by side in a small window on a cheap piece of plastic? How long would she be able to keep flying before she had to give up working for the person growing inside of her? Would Andy accept that he was the father and welcome her and their baby into his home? Would they build a family together?
Inhale.
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes to the beauty outside her window and the turmoil inside her racing mind.
Exhale.
She breathed out the stress that overpowered every other emotion. She trusted Andy, and she trusted what they had together. He was a man of honor and would be an amazing father to their child.
Jenn turned away from the window and walked back into the bathroom, staring at her reflection in the mirror. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t see herself as a mother. She was little more than a child herself. How could she be a mother?
She shook her head and looked down at the test on the counter.
And cried.
21
Andy rolled over in his rack and clutched his stomach as a sharp and sudden pain woke him from his restless sleep. He opened his eyes and stared at the beige underside of the bunk above him. With a trembling hand, he swiped at a heavy coat of perspiration on his face and felt heat radiating from his skin.