We were supposed to be going to the pub to meet Abi and Samuel and I planned to speak to him on our way back home. But when Johnny came to pick me up, he told me he had two tickets for a photography exhibition at the Arnolfini in Bristol. Ordinarily I would have loved to have gone, but when he told me, my heart sank. I knew I had a long evening ahead of me.
Sure enough, when we got there, I couldn’t focus on anything. I just kept thinking about what I should say and how I should say it.
We had a pizza afterwards and I could barely eat. I just wanted the night to be over. Johnny kept asking me what was wrong. I felt like such a cow. I realised I should probably have told him before we went out and spared us both the misery and the expense. He hadn’t even let me pay for anything, which made me feel doubly bad. Finally we walked back to the car park, Johnny with his arm around me. The silence in the car pulsated with awkwardness. About halfway home, Johnny finally spoke.
‘What is it, Ellie? You’ve been quiet all evening. Are you feeling okay? Have I done something wrong?’
‘No, no nothing.’ I paused. ‘Johnny, I’m really sorry but I can’t see you anymore.’ The words sounded worse out loud than they had in my head.
He didn’t answer and I didn’t dare look at him. I had my head down and started to feel car sick. We’d only met for about six dates in all, and they’d nearly all been with Abi and Samuel in tow, so I hadn’t imagined he would be too upset. Maybe just a bit of hurt pride. But even so, it still wasn’t a very nice thing to do. Over the past four weeks, we’d kissed a lot but I hadn’t felt willing to do much else and he hadn’t pushed it, to my intense relief.
After a couple of minutes, Johnny spoke: ‘Is there anything I can say or do to make you change your mind?’
Oh no. ‘Johnny, I really like you, but I’ve met someone else. Nothing’s happened,’ I hastily added. ‘I wouldn’t see someone else behind your back.’ That sounded terrible. I racked my brain for something better to say, but I couldn’t. I knew I wasn’t technically seeing Connor, but I didn’t want to complicate things and I knew Johnny would find out sooner or later anyway. I sneaked a glance at him. He looked really gutted and didn’t say a word until he dropped me at my house.
‘I really liked you, Eleanor. I think we could have been good together.’
I couldn’t look him in the eye.
‘Let me know if you change your mind.’
I was quite impressed he hadn’t asked me who I’d ditched him for and I felt an unexpected tug of disappointment that I wouldn’t be seeing him again.
‘I’m sorry,’ I replied inadequately, and went into the house feeling really down.
Finally, Monday evening came around. I‘d taken ages to get ready, even though I’d decided to dress down. Connor struck me as a jeans-and-t-shirt kind of boy and I guessed he wouldn‘t be too into girls who wore tons of makeup. But it still took time to get the no-make-up look just perfect.
Connor took me to a pub on the banks of The River Severn. The warm evening breeze whispered across my skin, heightening my nervousness.
‘D’you want to get a table?’ he asked. ‘I’ll get the drinks.’
I made my way across the lawn of the pretty pub garden which sloped down onto the rippling water. It was busy, but I managed to get a table quite close to the river. I stared out across to the hills on the other side, not quite believing that Connor actually wanted to spend time with me. I hoped I wouldn’t embarrass myself by talking rubbish.
Ten minutes later, he put the drinks on the table, smiled and sat down opposite me. I couldn’t believe how gorgeous he was.
‘Abi’s not very happy with me,’ I said.
‘No?’
‘No. I was supposed to be going out with her tonight. I feel a bit bad.’
‘Oh well, I’m sure she’ll cope.’
‘I don’t think so. You don’t know her very well. She’ll sulk for a week.’ I felt a bit disloyal talking about my friend like this. Connor reached across the table and ran his finger lazily up and down my forearm, making me draw in my breath.
‘You shouldn’t worry so much about what she thinks.’
‘I don’t! It’s just… well, you don‘t know her properly.’ I pulled my arms back to my sides, instantly regretting it.
‘Okay, okay,’ he smiled, holding his hands up in surrender. ‘Just an observation. Don’t need to be defensive.’
‘I’m not.’ Then I smiled back, despite myself. He was so-o-o good-looking.
I loved his too-pale features which contrasted with almost black hair and dark eyes. His build was slim and lithe and he had the laid-back, easy-grace of an indie rock god. His cool confidence made me nervous, but it was irresistible.
When I’d told Abi how I felt about Connor, she’d turned up her nose.
‘What about Johnny?’ she’d said. ‘He’s the real catch. Connor’s just a baby and he’s too skinny.’
‘He’s not skinny! He’s athletic. And he’s three years older than us.’
‘Still a baby in boy years. You’re mad. Johnny’s such a babe – intelligent, rich and completely into you. He‘s staying on this summer because of you, you know.’
‘No he isn’t, he’s got a work placement down here. I can’t help who I’m attracted to can I? And Johnny’s sweet, but he’s not really my type. Connor’s sexy and cool.’
‘Well Johnny’ll be devastated, and what about us? We were all supposed to go away together next half-term. You’re ruining our social life.’
Abi was really annoyed. She knew her grip on Samuel was loosening and now I’d ended it with Johnny she worried Sam would completely lose interest in her. Abi was always used to having the upper hand in her relationships.
The other black mark she had against Connor, was that he hadn’t been won over by her charms, which she’d turned on to maximum effect. She’d given him the full Abi treatment and it was like watching a master at work. But to my surprise (and intense relief) Connor hadn’t bought into her act at all. She actually irritated him and she knew it. This didn’t go down well with her at all. It made things tricky though, as it meant she wasn’t prepared to listen to me raving about him and so I had to walk a long tightrope between the two of them.
Chapter Ten
As soon as the Perimeter becomes a distant blur behind us, Luc gives me the all clear to come out of my hiding place. I unfold my body and slide back into the passenger seat. The heater’s warm air is now exchanged for a refreshing blast from the air conditioning. It may be September but it’s as hot as midsummer outside, even though it’s still early in the day.
I take in the unfamiliar scenery – uneven scrubland, deserted shanties and packs of skinny, mangy dogs, lying in shady spots, their pink tongues lolling. The openness of everything unsettles me. I feel like an insignificant gnat about to be swallowed up by the vast landscape and I realise how much confidence and security the Perimeter provides. The genteel fuzzyfelt lawns, immaculate houses and straight roads of our everyday enclosed world that keep me safe.
It’s just over four miles from our Talbot Woods Perimeter to the Wessex Way, a sporadically-maintained road that will take us up to Ringwood and then on to Warminster. But we’re currently travelling on rough terrain. The Wessex Way used to stretch much further into the heart of Bournemouth, but as the years go by, the army is less-and-less inclined to bother with its upkeep. Consequently, the road has got shorter and shorter. Nature is winning the battle.
The AV is well-equipped to deal with the scrub and overgrown woodland, but our progress is still snail like. Rabbits bound and zigzag across our path with more speed than we’re able to muster. I look across at Luc with what must be a doubtful expression on my face, because he laughs at me.