‘I can’t believe you’ve had to do all that.’ My mind spun.
‘The thing is, Ellie, we should do the same for your village. And we should do it quickly. Eddie will help me sort it.’
‘Is it really necessary here? I mean, we don’t really need protecting. We haven’t had much trouble.’
‘Unfortunately, it’s just a matter of time. They could trash your village in an afternoon if they wanted to.’
‘They?’
‘The nutters. The people who don’t give a rat’s arse about decency or morality. The ones who never had anything to lose in the first place. They’ll be in and out so quickly, you won’t know what’s hit you. They steal, destroy, rape and murder, and that’s the friendly ones. I’ve seen a lot in the past four months.’
I was appalled. I hadn’t come close to realising how bad the situation was. I had been too busy, grieving and then adjusting to my new condition, to pay full attention to the outside world. My parents were disappointed in me for getting pregnant. Dad was so cross that he hardly spoke a civil word to me for about a month. But they gradually came round to the idea and it soon became something positive, to take everyone’s mind off the collapsing country.
‘Come and speak to Dad,’ I said to Johnny. ‘I can’t really say what to do for the best. He’ll know the right people to talk to about this. Thank you.’
He paused and looked at me, as if weighing something up in his mind.
‘You know that wasn’t really why I came back to see you. You being pregnant threw me off guard a bit. I lost my bottle. I didn’t want you to see me upset, so I just told you all that stuff about the perimeter fence to cover up my shock. But it doesn’t matter anymore. I want to be truthful now.’
‘Do you mean there is no fence?’ I asked, confused. ‘Did you make it up?’
‘No, there is a perimeter fence, but that isn’t why I came here.’
‘So why did you?’
‘What I meant to say to you was…’ He took a deep breath and continued. ‘I love you, Eleanor.’ His face flushed. ‘Will you come and live with me in Bournemouth? I’ve got a beautiful house in a protected neighbourhood. We can bring your baby up together. I’d do anything for you, you must know that. I’d look after you.’
I was shocked and overwhelmed by his unexpected declaration.
‘I don’t know what to say. I don’t love you, Johnny. I mean, I really like you and I respect you, but live with you in Bournemouth? I don’t know. What about my family?’
‘It’s okay. Just think about it. Tell me when you’ve had a chance to take it in. You wouldn’t regret it. We’d have a good life. Think about what’s best for you and for the baby. If you want to, we can still do the perimeter fence here, whatever happens.’
I didn’t sleep at all that night.
We married at my family home in Uley and then Johnny and I made a life together in Bournemouth, a place I had never seen before. As it turned out, I never did to get see the original town of Bournemouth, the way it used to be before the attacks. We mainly stayed confined to the safety of the Talbot Woods Perimeter.
When I arrived at his house, I found out just what a true visionary my husband was, because every single room was piled-high to the ceiling with boxes and crates. After the terror attacks, and during those first stages of social and economic decline, most of the population worried about their immediate safety and petrol for their cars or where they could buy a pint of milk. Johnny, however, was busy securing his future.
Before the shops sold out, he spent all his money and got store credit in as many places as he could. He stockpiled goods – from crates of whisky and chocolate, to batteries, generators and power tools. He figured if, by some miracle, the world pulled itself back-on-course, he could just return his purchases and there was no harm done. Anyway, the world did no such thing and Johnny ended up with an enviable stash of goods to put him in an incredible position of power. He bartered wisely and steadily increased his stores.
Our daughter, Riley, was born within the Talbot Woods Perimeter and we had a second child just two years later, another daughter, Skye. We were both fairly content considering what was going on around us. Johnny threw himself into building a safe and comfortable life for us all. He adored being a family man and couldn’t do enough to ensure our well-being and happiness.
The outside world rarely touched our cosy existence. I knew Johnny probably had to face some tough challenges, but he refused to share all his experiences with me and I didn’t push him to tell me. Young and naïve, I preferred not to dwell on what he might have had to do in the course of his business life. By the time, I matured enough to worry about his career, our roles had been set and it felt like it was too late to question the type of life we led.
I buried all the raw, unexplored feelings I had for Connor and kept my grief hidden deep where I couldn’t find it. I immersed myself in my new role as the supporting wife and doting mother. If it sometimes felt like play-acting, I didn’t mind. I would imagine myself as the lead character in a play – the glamorous mistress of the manor house. I cultivated lasting friendships with my neighbours and became more and more vivacious and outgoing – a great laugh, an absolute scream, a total head case – that was Ellie Culpepper. It was like this larger-than-life character had taken over the real me.
My two beautiful children were the centre of my life. I was enthralled by my little girls, falling more and more in love with them every day. I gazed at their sleeping forms in wonder and inhaled their sweet, sweaty scent. I didn’t dare let myself think of Riley’s connection to my lost love, Connor. I loved my girls equally as mine and Johnny’s children – little people in their own right.
Johnny too, showed no favouritism, fiercely protective of them and this raised him even higher in my esteem. As the years whizzed by, I slid deeper into the easy contentment of privileged family life and the small, hidden stone of grief grew smaller.
My youngest brother, Tom, now one of Eddie Donovan’s guards in the Uley Perimeter, got a site transfer and joined us in Bournemouth five years after I first arrived there. At first glance, it seemed a strange career choice for Tom, the pacifist, vegetarian, champion of the underdog. But the changes to our country had a sobering effect on most citizens and much re-evaluating and shifting of morals took place. Tom said he still believed in his old values, but his previous lifestyle was irrelevant now that our lives were constantly under threat. He wanted to actively contribute to the protection of his family.
He did his guard training at Uley, along with my other two brothers who stayed on with my parents. I think Tom had itchy feet and was desperate for a change of scenery. He’d always been so used to flitting around the country on some crusade or another. Now it was a shock to find himself a virtual prisoner in his small home town. Much as he loved the rest of my family, it drove him mad having my parents constantly fussing around him.
I was thrilled to have him in Bournemouth with us. We’d always been close siblings and, although neither of us mentioned Connor, he was an unspoken bond between us. To my delight, Johnny suggested giving Tom the annexe to our house and he was very happy there in his bachelor pad.
One wintry November day, I lay upstairs on my bed, engrossed in a great book Johnny had got hold of for me – a scary thriller that had me speed-reading to find out what would happen in the end. Reading and drawing were my greatest passions and my husband loved to surprise me with battered paperbacks or rare art materials that had me jumping up and down in excitement and flinging my arms around his neck. He’d always tell me to stop overreacting, but I knew he loved to see me so happy.