“That’s not the point. I was the one to spend the money flying her from Moscow to Cancun, why should some guy from Oregon benefit from that? Besides, I wouldn’t quite say that I don’t like her. Her English is very good.”
“You spent a week with her in the same room and didn’t even sleep together. Didn’t you tell me she slept on the sofa every night?”
“That was only because I snore. And after I woke up that first morning and found her on the sofa, what was I going to do?”
“What are you trying to tell me, Gordon? That you’d like to marry her?”
“Well, no, but I paid for that trip. I mean, come on, how would you feel? That guy in Oregon should at least pay me back.”
“I don’t know what to tell you.”
“Well, you can see how I’d feel the way I do.” Gordon took a slice of the pizza, chewed it half-heartedly. “I’m thinking I should forget about Russian women. This month’s catalog has a very pretty twenty-eight-year-old from Saao Paulo. She’s a dental hygienist so she’s got to be somewhat educated. I could always arrange for us to meet in Rio, and then I could tell my parents we met while on vacation. The only problem is I’m not sure of her English.”
“Yeah, that could be a problem.”
“You’re being sarcastic now,” Gordon said, his hurt look reappearing. “But it is a problem. If her English isn’t good then people will be suspicious about how we met.”
Dan gave Gordon a hard look, trying to make up his mind. The guy was an oddball, no question about it, and he could understand Joel’s reluctance to have him involved. But on the other hand, there was no question he was bright and looked at things from a unique perspective and that could come in handy. And even though Gordon liked to talk, Dan couldn’t think of one thing of substance he had ever said. There were things locked away in that head that were never going to come out.
Dan said, “I’m robbing a bank. You want to join me?”
“Nah, I’d rather be a contestant on one of those other shows.”
“What?”
“You know, like Big Brother or Amazing Race. I tried watching Bank Job last night and it didn’t really do much for me.”
“Gordon, I’m talking about robbing a real bank.”
“Sure you are.”
“I’m serious.”
“Jeez, Dan, I couldn’t do something like that. What would my parents think if I was caught?”
“Gordon, I’m not joking. Shrini’s in on it.”
“Really?”
“So’s Joel.”
“No kidding?” Gordon pushed his chair back and started tapping his chin with his thumb. His eyes focused on a spot on the ceiling. “The weasel, huh?”
“That’s right.”
Gordon lowered his gaze to Dan’s face. His features had changed, becoming grimmer, harder, and it took Dan by surprise. He had never seen Gordon like that.
“You’re not pulling some weird joke on me?” Gordon asked.
Dan shook his head.
“Shrini and the Weasel. Wow. Well, guess what? You can count me in.”
“Do you want to know the details?”
“No, you know me. I’m not a big picture guy. All I want to know is my piece. Let me just focus on that.”
Dan nodded, fully expecting that answer, just as he had fully expected Gordon to go along with the robbery. He couldn’t help thinking how the line from that old Dylan song, There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke, fit Gordon perfectly.
“Instead of robbing a bank,” Gordon said slowly, his gaze moving away from Dan, “I’ve been thinking about something lately that would be easier and probably far more profitable. We could take one of Peyton’s kids.”
“Gordon, let’s pretend I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Sure you do, you know, kidnapping, ransom. We could probably squeeze several million from Peyton.”
“You’re not serious.”
“Why not? If you’re going to propose robbing a bank, why not this instead? It would be a lot easier.”
“How in the world could it possibly work? Peyton’s kids know us. They’d identify us once we let them go.”
“Well, you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.”
“Gordon, come on.”
“You can’t tell me Peyton wouldn’t deserve it.” Gordon paused for a moment, choking back emotion. “He’s been dangling that restaurant in front of me for three years now – ever since I was laid off. That was all his idea, investing in an open-pit Texas-style barbecue for me to run. He came to me with it. And he’s been bringing it up for three years. Yesterday for the first time I tried asking him about it, and all of a sudden he doesn’t want to do business with a friend. Can you believe that, Dan? He’s sitting on eight million dollars and all of a sudden he doesn’t want to invest sixty thousand dollars to do business with a friend.”
“Let’s drop this, okay?”
“Sure, we can drop it, but I’ll tell you, I’d have no problem kidnapping one of his kids. Probably even enjoy taking care of that brat of his, Petulia.”
“I don’t want to hear this. We’re not hurting anyone, especially not a kid. For God’s sakes, we’ve known Peyton for years.”
“Sure, whatever, I was just throwing out an idea. What do you want me to do for this robbery?”
“Turn on your computer and I’ll show you.”
Gordon obliged. After the computer came on, Dan did a search on the Internet and brought up a color photo of a member of the Boston mafia named Raymond Lombardo. “I’m hoping all those years you’ve spent doing makeup for community theatre can finally be of some use. Can you make me look like him?” Dan asked.
“Depends. You need to be more specific.”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you have to look like him from a distance, from up close, or good enough to fool his mother? Stuff like that. How much do you need to look like him?”
“Enough so that he’s identified by video from a security camera.”
“How tall is he?”
“My height.”
Gordon squinted at the photo, appraising it. “He looks heavier than you.”
“Yeah, he is. About sixty pounds.”
“I think I can do it,” Gordon said, nodding to himself. “I’m going to have to add some padding, make you look heavier. What are you going to be wearing?”
“Work overalls.”
“Okay, no problem there. You’ll need a wig and facial hair. I should be able to build you a thicker jaw and nose. Maybe have you wear dark glasses to hide your eyes. Sure, I can do it.”
“I don’t need the dark glasses. I’ve already got cosmetic contact lenses to change my eye color. I’ll also be wearing a ski mask and taking it off so I can be captured by a security camera.”
“Well, that’s going to be a problem.”
“Why?”
“I can’t use putty. Otherwise, when you take the mask off it could bend your nose. That would give the police a good chuckle.” Gordon scratched his head as he thought. “I could use a rubber compound,” he said slowly. “That should work. When are we doing this?”
“Six days.”
“Not giving me much notice, are you? Well, if I can put together the makeup for Phantom of the Opera over a weekend, I can do this.”
“You really like this theatre stuff, huh?”
“I hate it. Absolutely can’t stand it.”
“I don’t understand. You’ve been doing this for years.”
Gordon gave a slight smile that could’ve been lifted directly from the Mona Lisa. “Since college, actually. That was when I started this simply to piss my father off, and you know, I don’t think I could’ve picked a better way. Joining the theatrical club was respectable enough that I had my mother bragging to all their friends about how I was involved in theatre, and my father just had to sit and listen and pretend he was fine with it. I keep doing this community theatre stuff so I can talk about it when I see them over Christmas.”
“You’ve been doing this all these years just to get at your old man?”
“As good a reason as any. You haven’t told me, do you want me just to do the makeup or am I going to be involved in the robbery? You know I did a tour in Vietnam.”
“I need you for the robbery. We’re going to meet at Joel’s house tomorrow to go over the details. I’ll pick you up at ten.”