“Yeah,” I said.
“We’re going to need to resolve this one way or another. Again, Rose, as per the terms of our arrangement…”
“My call.”
“Yes,” Alister said.
“I was thinking that sounded like a good thing, before. Getting to decide. Now it’s having to decide. Do I leave Blake alone, and risk having him come after me, or do I have you kill him, and risk that I might infect myself with whatever spirits or abyssal stuff flows through him?”
“No intention of coming after you, unless you give me reason,” I said.
“I’ll give you reason, in a manner of speaking,” she said, raising her chin a notch. “Whatever’s happening to you, the spirits in you, the degradation of your Self, the growth of the Abyss within you, your head will get twisted around, and you’ll convince yourself you have a reason.”
That struck a chord.
Green Eyes, and her insistence that the woman she’d killed wasn’t human any more.
Twisting her thoughts around? Contriving a way around a basic, simple deal?
Fuzzy logic, but did the loss of karma matter, if it was counterbalanced by the Abyss feeding her or feeding me with more strength?
“I can’t say I won’t ever come after you,” I said. “That puts me at the disadvantage.”
“According to the bogeyman with the lance pressed to his neck, two seconds way from possible decapitation?” Alister asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “Says me.”
“There aren’t many good answers, Blake,” Rose said. “We need to compromise, but by dint of circumstance, any compromise from one of us two means giving the other half leverage.”
“Dint?” I asked.
“Been reading lots of old books,” Rose said. “My point stands.”
“Yeah. Yeah, that just about sums it up,” I said.
“Like you said,” Rose told me. “The simplest answer is often the correct one. Alister was right, too, saying this is easiest. Right now, the simplest and easiest answer looks to be ‘get rid of the bogeyman’.”
My heart sank.
“I’ve tried to be genuine,” I said.
“You have been,” Rose told me. “I respect that. I bet it even went somewhat against your nature.”
“Some,” I said.
She spoke softly, “But I’m not seeing any good answers. With my relationship with the Behaims being what it is… I can’t afford to make enemies. Alexis, Tiff, and Ty will probably understand if I tell them you were being reckless.”
“Evan?” I asked.
“Wasn’t mine, really. I tried to look after him, I really did, but… I get the impression he was a much better fit alongside you than he was alongside me.”
“Yeah,” I said.
Evan was still watching. He perked up as I met his eyes.
I shook my head a little.
“No?” Alister asked.
“I’ll make you a deal,” I said.
“A deal.”
“Simplicity and ease, right? I’ll agree to be bound. It’s not simple or easy for me, but… it’s an answer.”
I saw them exchange glances.
“Really,” Alister said. “By me or by Rose or-”
“Not by either of you,” I said. “I don’t trust you. I’m not sure I trust my friends, but… if you forsake all holds on Alexis, and free her of all former pacts and deals you’ve made with her, and if you agree not to influence her and let her make decisions of her own accord, I’ll agree to be bound by her. You’d be able to trust me as much as you trust her.”
Rose shook her head. “Able? Maybe, but not willing. I have to think of Midge and what happened in Toronto. A reckless, stubborn bogeyman?”
“She’s more than a simple bogeyman.”
“As are you,” Alister said.
“I’m guessing you were being misleading before, when you were talking about how you need help, but you need help. We were willing to use Midge to defend the house, and I’m thinking you might need to use me. Even if you’re relying on Alexis, to keep a handle on me.”
“But I’d be giving up Alexis,” Rose said. “And I’d potentially be giving up my grip on her, to hand her over.”
“I’d be giving up my grip on me,” I said. “Being bound… it goes against everything about me.”
Rose and Alister exchanged glances.
Alister spoke, “We’d have your friends, the Thorburns, most of the junior council, the Behaims…”
“Evan,” I added.
“The sparrow,” Alister said. “It puts us on a good footing.”
“A better footing,” Rose said.
“A good footing, relatively speaking.”
“Yeah,” Rose said.
“On the other hand, speaking as the chronomancer of this group… I have to wonder if he’s buying time.”
“Not my intention, except in the abstract,” I said. “I don’t want to be destroyed.”
Rose and Alister exchanged looks.
“What,” Rose said, “If I come after you?”
“I reserve the right to defend myself,” I said. “Including defensive measures set up in advance. We can let Alexis decide what’s reasonable.”
Rose’s eyebrows went up.
I could see her eyes move as she thought intensely, turning over possibilities in her head.
It’s… odd. I’m more nervous about the idea of talking about this with Alexis than I am about talking to Rose, or to Alister.
Even though I trusted Alexis, on a level.
Alister drew his deck out of his pocket. He glanced at the card, then showed it to Rose.
“Yeah?” Alister said. “It’s… most definitely a compromise. Balance of some sort.”
“Definitely a compromise,” Rose said. “Leaves both parties more or less equally unhappy. Unless we’re missing something.”
The silence was almost palpable. The snow muffled everything, and there was no wind. The only motion was the smoke and the dancing light from behind Hillsglade House.
I shifted my weight, and branches and twigs popped and cracked. I could hear the fluttering of spirits within me.
I extended my hand for Alister to shake.
He extended his own hand.
The silence was broken. Where the bell had pealed and tolled before, this was a knell, a crashing of thunder, the noise a church bell might make as it came free, striking hard ground.
Spiritually, it was like a gust of wind. Every spirit within me was thrown aside the walls of the cage, against the walls of my body.
Something else took residence.
Maggie Holt stood on the top of the slope, where the sidewalk reached over to the bridge. Her hair blew in a strong wind, and her hands were shoved into her pockets, for warmth and to shove her jacket down so her skirt wouldn’t blow up.
Her eyes, though, were wide, welling with too many ideas and feelings for me to even process. She moved her lips, but no words came out. The wind took some of them, horror took the rest.
The goblins clambered over me.
I didn’t feel pain. Only the knowledge that I was being taken apart. They were chaotic, different in behavior, in appearance, in size and shape and smell. But they were terrifying. I felt like I hadn’t experienced real, genuine fear in months.
And in figuring out the order to use in breaking someone down without killing them, they were awfully, horribly organized.