“Okay,” Romeo said, ceasing his jumping. “Nobody likes to swallow vomit sauce.” He paused thoughtfully, hands on his hips. “On second thought, I just met this guy tonight who said he—”
“Hush!” I snapped, “We don’t want to know!”
“Yeah, Romeo,” Kamiko pleaded. “We’ve heard enough.”
“Actually,” Christos said, “I’m kinda curious where you met the vomit sauce guy.”
“Hillcrest,” Romeo said.
“That explains it,” Christos nodded thoughtfully.
“What’s in Hillcrest?” I asked.
Romeo rolled his eyes. “The gays, dearest.”
Christos chuckled. “True that.”
“What were you doing in Hillcrest?” I asked.
Romeo and Christos exchanged a look of utter disbelief.
“Duh,” Romeo scoffed.
“What?” I said defensively. “Am I supposed to believe you can drive to wherever Hillcrest is and random gay men are walking around the streets trolling for vomit sex?”
“Yes!” Romeo and Christos blurted in unison.
Okay, I admit it. I still had a few things left to learn in life.
The four of us stood outside Paiute Hall for awhile, continuing to chat and joke with each other. Christos had his arm draped casually around my waist most of the time. I don’t think I’d ever hung out with friends in the middle of the night like this before, and definitely not with a super hot boyfriend for me to lean against. I felt like the star of my very own college romcom.
It must have been after one in the morning, yet it seemed so normal, which was awesome. If I had been out this late in high school, my parents probably would’ve tried to send me to juvie for criminal loitering and felony curfew breaking. Screw them. I was nineteen. I could stay out as late as I wanted. I was having so much fun with my friends, I’d almost forgotten that my parents were doing everything in their powers to interfere with this awesome life I was building for myself.
“What’s up with the coat, Romeo?” Kamiko joked. “Were you on set for the filming of The Matrix Rebloated?”
Romeo smiled at her. “Hilarious, darling. I love you too. But I promise you it’s the bulky coat. Underneath, I’m as svelte and sexy as ever.”
“You should totally get a mirrored monocle to complete the look,” I said.
Romeo ran his splayed fingers sensually down his chest and flicked his tongue at Kamiko.
“Ew! Frog tongue!” she squeaked.
Five brawny guys turned the corner of Paiute Hall and emerged from the shadows while Romeo continued to flick his tongue scandalously. Three of the guys wore T-shirts that said ‘SDU Rugby’.
One guy said, “Dude, did you see the way that guy turned bitch when I threw my beer in his face and told him to shut the fuck up?”
“Totally!” his buddy replied. “He was ready to piss his pants!”
“Fucking pussy!” another chimed in.
The five of them laughed uproariously.
Great. Here came Team Testosterone.
As the group passed us, one of the guys, who had a crew cut, took one look at Romeo and coughed out the word, “Faggot!” while covering his mouth.
Romeo batted his eyelashes at Crew Cut and said, “Mmm, aren’t you mantastic.”
Another guy in the group said to Crew Cut, “I think that guy has the hots for you.”
Crew Cut scowled at his friend then flipped Romeo off.
Romeo responded by flicking his tongue suggestively at Crew Cut.
“Don’t, Romeo,” Kamiko hissed.
Crew Cut came to a stop in front of Romeo and said, “You want a piece of me, fag?”
“Depends on which piece,” Romeo smiled, hands on hips. “Do I get to choose?”
The four other guys came to a stop beside Crew Cut. The five of them surrounded Romeo.
“Mmm. Gang bang. I like,” Romeo smiled confidently. “Who goes first? Or do you guys want to take me all at once? I’ve got enough orifices and hands to go around.”
“Stop, Romeo!” Kamiko pleaded while pulling on Romeo’s coat.
“Who are you?” Crew Cut asked, “His fag hag?”
“Are you blind?” Romeo asked, offended. “She’s no hag.”
The guy with a lumberjack beard standing on the right said, “Fag’s right. This asian chick is pretty hot. You guys can have the fag while I chat up his friend.”
“Easy boys,” Christos said, stepping forward.
Crew Cut glared at Christos. “Who the fuck are you? This guy’s fag boyfriend?”
“Yeah,” Christos said. “You gotta problem with my boyfriend, you gotta problem with me.”
Romeo clearly liked the sound of that. He smiled up at Christos.
The rugby guys started sizing up Christos.
Oh no. What was Christos doing? I mean, I didn’t want Romeo to get hurt, and Christos was awesome for standing up for Romeo and Kamiko like this, but if Christos was already going to court for fighting, surely more fighting was not a good idea? I had to put a stop to this.
I stepped toward the mass of men, putting myself between Christos and the rugby guys. The unmistakable aroma of alcohol and asshole immediately assaulted my nostrils. I held up my phone and snapped a photo. “Now that I’ve got a picture of you guys, I’m calling campus security. I’ve got them on speed dial. You guys should leave before they get here.” My phone was already dialing.
Crew Cut snatched my phone out of my hand and hurled it into the darkness like a champion discus thrower. I was truly astonished at how far it flew. I mean, it sailed over the dining hall next to the dorms like it had wings and literally disappeared into the night sky. I didn’t even hear it land, it went so far.
“Fuck your phone,” Crew Cut said.
I backed up a step and glanced at Christos from the corner of my eye.
“Bad idea, buddy,” Christos said to Crew Cut. “Now you owe her a phone.”
“It’s okay,” I said nervously. “I don’t mind. I needed a new one anyway. We should go.” I tugged on Christos’ arm.
Romeo and Kamiko were cringing together, slowly stepping backward.
“Where you going, babe?” Lumberjack asked Kamiko. “I was just getting to know you.”
“No, this is bullshit,” Christos said, his eyes locked on Crew Cut. “This guy owes you a new phone.”
“It’s okay,” I insisted. “My contract is up and I’m sure I can get a new one for free.” I didn’t mention I needed the old phone if I wanted to exchange it for a new one. Oh well, it didn’t matter. Getting us out of here unharmed was more important. I’d buy a prepaid phone if I had to. “Let’s go, Christos.”
Another rugby guy took a step toward Christos and said, “Better do what this silly little bitch tells you, if you know what’s good for you.”
CHRISTOS
Five on one was never good odds, even for me. Especially not when Samantha, Kamiko, and Romeo were likely to get sucked into things. Most men never hit women, but that didn’t help Romeo any. I was pretty sure he’d need protecting. And if Samantha or Kamiko tried to help out and protect me, they’d probably get punched up in the process.
If I was by myself, I would’ve bolted. I didn’t need more court trouble than I already had. And I doubted any of these pricks could catch me in a foot race, rugby or no rugby. I didn’t give a shit if they called me a pussy for running away. But if I ran, there was no way Samantha, Kamiko, and Romeo would be able to keep up.
What to do?
Samantha was right. Her phone didn’t matter. Best to just walk away.
I took a step back and put my arm around Samantha. “All right, let’s go, you guys.”
I felt Samantha breathe a sigh of relief.
The four of us turned around and started walking toward the front doors of Paiute Hall.
I quietly said, “Kamiko, get your card key ready so we can walk right into the building.”