You put money on the counter only when you’re positive you can. No one will talk shit if you don’t, but if you do and you don’t look like you know what you’re doing, you’re a mark. Guys that come in here and don’t look the bartender in the eye when they order are assholes. You don’t need to talk to them. You can’t trust a guy who won’t look you in the eye. Remember Mustang? Used to live down the block. I don’t know if you remember him — you were pretty young then. He knew how to look you in the eye. You can trust a man like that. His old lady shot him. That’s the way it goes.
See how I sit here, elbows on the bar sometimes, sometimes leaning back. That’s fine. Never put your head on the bar — you look like a fool. Rule number one: never look like a fool. If you know how to drink you can sit here all day long and never get drunk, just ride the same high, worst you get is a nasty headache — take aspirin for that shit. Dave Belmarez, Chorizo’s son, he used to come in here. Big guy, weighed two-fifty easy, six-foot-something, biggest Mexican I ever seen. Couldn’t drink for shit. Used to come in here and get fucked up, useless. Threw up on the bar once. Vincie, the bartender, had to put him out on the sidewalk. Needed six guys to help him — ain’t that right, Vincie? See, Vincie knows the score. Chorizo can’t even come in here no more. He’s embarrassed. I would be too. Slow, little man, that’s how you take it. You can go all night.
It’ll happen to you once. Someone will step up. Someone won’t come up behind you and call you out — that shit only happens in the movies. But someone will challenge your ass, guaranteed — be staring at you from across the bar, looking at the back of your head so you can feel it. You just look them straight in the eye. Don’t even make a move, just make eye contact. Then you ask “What’s up?” Only you do it like you’re putting money on the bar, like you know your shit. If you say it right, everything’s cool. If they smile and turn away, you know you’re cool, but if you fuck it up, and you’ll know you did if they just stand there, hard as a rock, you’re going to have to go at it. It’s all right, Vincie knows you’re my brother — but if you back down, that shit’s with you forever. People remember that shit.
You see that thing sitting down there, hunched over like he got a lump on his back? Well, he does. That’s Sammy. He’s a mope, a drunk, been one all his life. Got that lump from leaning over bars. He can tell you about when the neighborhood was all Polish. I bet you didn’t even know that. See, you learn shit. Bet you thought it was always Mexican. Hell no, the Polacks were here first. That’s what Sammy is — a Polack. Shit, I bet he’s the only one left, him and his mother. He lives with her over on Coulter Avenue. You see that stool he’s on? Tony from Mitchell’s Lumber built it for him. That’s Sammy’s stool. You don’t ever sit on it — you’re damn right that’s a seat belt. He fell off his stool so many times they put a seat belt on that motherfucker. Doesn’t work, though. He just falls over and the stool follows him. It’s worse than before.
People fuck with Sammy, but you better not, ever. He won the lottery once, one of those scratch-and-win deals. Won six hundred dollars. Came in here with a woman. Trixie — that’s her real name. Sounds phony too, don’t it? She lives by the hamburger joint on Eighteenth. When she came in here wrapped around Sammy, the whole bar stood up and clapped. She’s a whore but it don’t matter, not for Sammy. He bought everyone a round. Bought his lady some fluffy drink, schnapps — never drink schnapps, schnapps is for pussies. Trixie just sat there, looking sophisticated, next to Sammy and his seat-belt chair. She had her legs crossed, all scarred up, bruises, like she been in the alley awhile, but that’s all right, Sammy hadn’t been with a lady since World War II; he can tell you about that too, World War II. That’s why you respect him. He’s got history. He knows shit, like an old uncle.
That back door over there leads to the alley. If you have to, your aunt Hildy’s house is two blocks down. If the heat’s really on, you can climb the porch right in back. That’s Chorizo’s house. You just tell him you’re my brother. Only if someone comes in here shooting shit up, that’s where everyone’s running. Think about that. Vincie don’t let nobody get behind the bar — remember that too. You see a guy come in with a wheelchair, be careful, watch that shit. The trench coats are obvious, people don’t do that anymore. They like wheelchairs now — I don’t know why. Farmer Dave was telling me about Martin’s hot dog stand over on Twenty-Third. Got held up by these two niggers, one was in a wheelchair. Those boys won’t be coming back, though. Martin’s gunning for them. He used to keep a.38 behind the counter; he’s got a shotgun now, short barrel, calls it his ghetto blaster. Farmer Dave got it for him.
One time this boy came in here looking for Indio — you know, one of the Deluna brothers. They were hanging out in here for a while, but they stopped. People were driving by throwing bottles at the front door. It was only a matter of time before they started shooting up the joint. So Vincie tells them, “Why don’t you motherfuckers go back to your own corner?” Problem is Eddie Deluna drinks in here. He’s the older brother. Don’t ever tangle with him. If he ever bothers you, you tell me. He opens his mouth one more time and I’m going to kill his ass. I don’t give a shit — jail time is worth that motherfucker. He’s a hothead, that’s all he is. Has to be a hard-ass because he’s a pussy. You see Mario over there fucking with anybody? No, and you never will. He’s been in and out of jail more times than anyone can count. Fucking Eddie wishes he was like that.
Anyway, those bullet holes in the bar — move those ashtrays — that’s what that boy did who was looking for Indio. He ran out of bullets. Had a little.25, everybody was laughing. First, because this asshole shows up with a cap gun. Second, because he’s firing away, screaming and shit, and didn’t hit nothing but the bar and a couple of stools. They beat his ass, Vincie and a couple of other guys, even Sammy. Dumped him out there for the dogs. Vincie called up Eddie. The Deluna brothers beat his ass even more, put him in the hospital.
Most of the guys in here are Disciples. When you get sent to prison, that’s who you run with. You know the names. If you get sent to the County, you say my name and Mario’s — they’ll take care of you. If you get sent downstate, mention your uncle Big Ray — they’ll take care of you there. Only never ever mention Eddie Deluna. You’re a mark if you do. Eddie got locked up in the County two years ago for beating up some bagger at the A&P. Eddie ran with the Kings in there. He’s a phony, don’t even mess with that scum.
Cisco too. He’s that Puerto Rican who lives on Twenty-First. He never comes in here, though — everyone’s got it out for him. He’s got no respect. He gets his ass kicked, gets all wickied up, then wants to start shit again. Same people keep beating his ass. That’s not respect, that’s stupidity. He took a cigarette from Sammy’s mouth once, snatched it right out like Sammy was some kind of punk. Sammy can’t defend himself, so Vincie beat Cisco’s ass. You’ll probably have to beat his ass too. If you don’t beat his ass, fuck it — you’re still young. If it’s just Cisco, you can shrug it off, only never step down, nowhere. If he comes up to you, you just stand there, little man. He beats his wife. She’s fine too. They got two kids. Once I was out front of Bogart’s house, on Twenty-First. Cisco lives right across the street. We’re out there having some beers, shooting the shit, and here comes Cisco’s lady, running across the street, one shoe on; Cisco following her ass, calling her a puta, a whore, all these other crazy, nasty names. She fell in the middle of the street, tripped over the sewer cover. I remember what she said too. She looks up at Cisco and says, “Cisco, I don’t know why you hit me — I love you so much and you keep on hitting me.” You know what Cisco did? He kicked her in the face. Kicked her right in the fucking face, broke her nose, blood all over. Fuck that. Me and Bogart broke Cisco’s nose. He knows not to pull that shit around us. That’s why Eddie Deluna is always talking shit. Those two are best friends, probably been fucking each other since grammar school. That’s why you’ll have trouble with them. Cisco you can handle, not Eddie. When they start calling your brother a pussy, you beat Cisco’s ass, and tell me about Eddie. Next chance I get, I’m going to kill that son of a bitch.