His shrewd guess discomfited her. "I have an old, dry knot of guilt still left to be undone with the late Lord dy Lutez, yes, but it has nothing to do with Arhys. And no, Arvol was not my lover!"
Illvin looked taken aback at her vehemence. "I did not say so, lady!"
She let out her breath. "No, you didn't. It's Lady Cattilara who thinks the old slander is a romantic tale, five gods spare me. Arhys just wants to take me for some spiritual stepmother, I think."
He surprised her by snorting. "He would." His fondly exasperated headshake scarcely enlightened her as to how to interpret this cryptic remark.
She said a little tartly, "Until I heard you two speaking with each other, I had half decided you were the jealous murderer. The despised bastard brother, denied father, title, property, pushed over the edge by this last loss."
His dry half laugh did not sound in the least offended. "I have encountered that delusion once or twice before. The truth is exactly the reverse. I had a father all my life, or at any rate, all of his. Arhys had—a dream. My father undertook the raising of us both, in all practical matters, and he tried to do well by Arhys, but it was always with that little extra mindful effort. To me, his love flowed without hindrance.
"But Arhys was never jealous or resentful because, you see, someday it would all be made right. Someday, his fine father would call him to court. When he was big enough. When he was good enough, a good enough swordsman, horseman, officer. The great Lord dy Lutez would place him at his right hand, present him to his glittering retinue, and say to all his powerful friends, See, this is my son, is he not well? Arhys would never wear his best things; he kept them packed for the journey.
For when the call came. He was ready to leave on an hour's notice. Then Lord dy Lutez died, and... the dream stayed a dream."
Ista shook her head in sorrow. "In all the five years I knew him, Arvol dy Lutez scarcely mentioned Arhys. He never spoke of you. If he had not died in the dungeons of the Zangre that night... that summons still might never have come, I think."
"I wondered, in retrospect. I pray you, don't tell Arhys that."
"I am not sure yet what I must tell him." Although I have my fears. Whatever it was, it was clear she had best not put it off too long.
"Me, I had a live man for a father," Illvin went on. "Cranky betimes—how we fought when I was younger! I am so glad he lived long enough for us to be grown men together. We cared for him here at Porifors after his palsy-stroke—albeit not too long. I think he wished to be gone to look for our mother by then, for a few times we found him out searching for her." His rich voice tightened. "Twenty years dead, she was. His life was so lightly held at the last, his death in the Father's season seemed no sorrow. I held his hand at the end. It felt very cool and dry, almost transparent. Five gods, how did I get on to this subject? You will have me leaking, next." He was leaking now, she thought, but he steadfastly ignored the suspect sheen in his eyes, and, politely, she did, too. "Thus, my experience of bastardy." He hesitated, eyed her. "Do you—you, who say you have seen them face-to-face—believe the gods bring us back to those we loved? When our spirits rise?"
"I do not know," she said, surprised into honesty. Was he thinking forward, to Arhys, as well as back to the elder Ser dy Arbanos, in this moment? "Perhaps I've never loved anyone enough to know. I think... it is not a fool's hope."
"Hm."
She looked away from his face, feeling an intruder upon that wistful inward frown. Her eye fell on Goram, rocking and clenching his hands again. Outwardly, a grizzled aging menial. Inwardly... stripped, plundered, burned-out like some village ravaged by retreating troops.
"How came you by Goram?" Ista asked Illvin. "And where?"
"I was reconnoitering in Jokona, as is my habit whenever I have a spare week. I collect castle and town plans, for a pastime." The brief smile that flitted across his mouth implied that he collected rather more than this, but he went on. "Having ridden down to Hamavik in the guise of a horse dealer, and having accumulated rather more stock than I'd intended, I found myself in need of an extra groom. As a Roknari merchant, I buy out Chalionese prisoners whenever I have a chance. The men with no family have little hope of ransom. Goram less than most, as he'd plainly lost most of his wits and memory. I'd diagnose a knock to the head in his last battle, though there's no scar, so it might have been some other ill treatment, or fever. Or both. It was clear no one else in the market wanted him that day, so I drove a better bargain than I'd expected. As it proved." The smile flickered again. "When we reached Porifors, and I freed him, he asked to stay in my service, as he no longer was sure where his home lay."
By the wall, Goram nodded endorsement to the tale.
Ista drew breath. "Are you aware that he is demon-gnawed?"
Illvin jolted upright. "No!"
Goram looked equally dumfounded. Liss's head jerked around, and she stared at the groom in wonder.
Illvin's eyes narrowed in rapid thought. "How do you know this, Royina?"
"I can see it. I can see his soul-stuff. It's all in rags and tatters."
Illvin blinked, sank back. After a moment he said, more cautiously, "Can you see mine?"
"Yes. To me, it appears as an attenuated white fire, streaming out of your heart to your brother. His soul is gray as a ghost's, beginning to decompose and blur. It is in his body, but it is not attached to his body. It just....loats there. Liss's is bright and colorful, but very centered, very solid and tight within the matter that generates it."
Liss, evidently deciding she had been complimented, smiled cheerfully.
After a reflective silence Illvin said, "That must be very distracting for you."
"Yes," she said shortly.
He cleared his throat. "Are you saying, then, that Goram was a sorcerer?"
Goram shook his head in horrified denial. "I'm not ever so, lady!"
"What can you remember, Goram?" Ista asked.
His seamed face worked. "I know I marched with Orico's army. I remember the roya's tents, all red-and-gold silk, shining in the light. I remember... marching as a prisoner, with chains on. Working, some field work, hot in the sun."
"Who were your Roknari masters?"
He shook his head. "Don't remember them, much."
"Ships? Were you ever on ships?"
"Don't think so. Horses, yes. There were horses."
Illvin put in, "We've talked before about what he could remember, when I was trying to find out his family. Because he must have been a prisoner for several years, if it was from the time the prince of Borasnen first attempted the fortress of Gotorget, two years before it fell. I think from some things Goram has said that must have been the campaign he was in. But he doesn't remember his captivity either, much. That was why I thought his brains might have been baked by a fever, perhaps just before he came my way."
"Goram, can you remember what has happened to you since Lord Illvin ransomed you?" asked Ista.
"Oh, aye. That don't hurt."