He pointed his .357 out the window slowly, wanting to get a surprise critical hit. He aimed at the one he thought most dangerous, mostly based on his size, one-eyed grin, and gun. He took steady aim as the woman below crouched and said, “Who wants to die first, you fucking pigs?”
Bang, her head swirled to look at the window from which a bullet that opened the big fella’s skull jettisoned out. Logan looked down at her and winked, it was the start of a beautiful friendship. Instantly she sliced the throat of the fool under her as she spun and lunged at the nearest threat. She swung the blade from the ground up slicing from his groin and right through his face, a blood-curdling scream pierced their ears as the other two ran at her. The first swung his chain at her as the second shot rang out, blowing his entire arm off. He stood there holding the nub with the other hand as a fountain of blood poured out—he moved in a 360 like a red sprinkler. The final raider swung his nail-bat at Anal Penetrator and she ducked while rolling back. He lunged forward smashing his bat down again, this time she parried right, as she sliced his gut open, stood up and made a final slice decapitating him.
“Nice,” said Logan.
He decided that maybe there was something to live for after all. He came downstairs as she was cleaning her blade, he noticed a pink dildo hanging from her belt, “is that for people you like or…”
“Maybe you’ll find out,” she said without jest. “Thanks for the help.”
“Yea, no problem.” They decided to set out together, for both had a mutual distaste for raiders and psychos.
Logan learned that in a past life Anal Penetrator had been a librarian. She was very anal about the places in which books must come to a rest and now she finally had an outlet for years’ worth of pent up rage as imbecile library goers misplaced books, not returning them on time, and just generally being wastes of life. She took refuge in the calm and quiet library in an absurd world. For many years she had grown world-weary, with our politicians, climate change, and the deluge of stories about our destruction of the natural world. She even began to crave the dissolution of society—she would binge watch anything where the world order had fundamentally shifted, reading every apocalyptic novel. Her favorite was The Windup Girl, which luckily she saved a copy and lent it to Logan. She respected anyone who read books, especially suggestions from peers so as to discuss them together. Meeting Logan-much like it did for him-gave her a revitalized sense of well-being. The life they began to build was a tiny pocket of peace.
They traveled together until they came upon a compound of tobacco and sin. They found a village with a simple legal system, run by insanity and cigarettes, and all were welcome. Of course those who overstayed their welcome were ungently reminded. Logan and Anal Penetrator quickly ingratiated themselves here as essential problem-solvers, ruling over a small motley crew until their pocket of peace would one day erupt.
“What the hell was that” the man looked visibly upset now and the steam-punk moron ran out of the room.
“Let’s go,” I tell the kids and they follow me out. In the main chamber people are scrambling, the woman from before shouts about watching the walls. We run outside to general disarray, the fat man in overalls runs by with an axe and I see people in the distance fighting. The chick with the ear-nose ring runs by with a god damned M249 SAW. The kids and I run back to our car, get in and I start driving away from the chaos, machine guns rattling over the hum of the engine. We drive away from the commune and head towards the other-side of the wall. Mary shrieks wildly and I whirl back telling her to calm down and that everything is going to be…. We’re suddenly slammed to the side with an immense force as a truck smashes into us. My head goes right through the window, the warmth of the blood is oddly soothing but I freak when I remember the kids. The engine is out-the people in the truck are getting out-and the kids are unconscious. Panic starts to set in and I autonomously get out and run for cover, I leave the kids because I don’t know what else to do. Two men with pistols start shooting at me, the bullets hit the tree and whiz by.
“Fuck you, you cunts!” I yell as I take out my revolver.
I peak around and take aim as a bullet shatters the bark and it clips my eye before I can take a shot. An Asian man, probably over six foot sprints towards my aggressors with a chain screaming, “I’ma fuck you up!” and they shoot him dead without mercy. I take advantage of the momentary distraction, peer out and take aim blasting one of their skulls wide open. The other opens the door to my car and grabs Mary putting the gun to her head.
“Throw your gun out or she dies!”
My blood chills, checkmate—why the fuck did I leave them there? I step out from the tree with my hands up and I see Mary crying with a gun mashed against her head.
“It’s gonna be ok Mary, I promise.”
He takes aim and I leap forward behind my car. I open the door and pull out Jesse, he’s awake so I tell him to run towards the other side of the enclosure.
“You’re dead mother fucker, come out and die or she does.” I’m pretty sure he will kill her too anyways. It seems I’m at the end of my rope here.
“I can help you, I know where they keep the supplies, the food, and water, don’t shoot.” I step back out with my arms up.
“Bullshit it, where is it?”
“Let her go and I’ll take you there.”
“Fuck you,” he says as he shoots Mary in the head splattering her brains all over himself, in that moment I know without a doubt that God doesn’t give a god-damned shit about us at all, not even a little bit. I feel a pull inside me and my eyes blow up, frozen in time without access to my motor system. I can’t even take a breath in as the anger flows like a broken dam-becoming my totality. The instinct to survive reasserts itself and I leap towards the pistol his partner held as he shoots towards me, one round hitting my arm. I unload the clip into him, he goes down and I shoot him until it’s empty. Mary’s body lays there next to his. I’m bleeding and don’t know where Jesse is, I look back towards the commune. Buildings on fire, the white ogre swinging his axe and splitting people, the steam-punk girl is standing atop one of the motor homes unloading. Bodies strewn over everything like a heavy snow fall. I walk over to Mary and look at what’s left of her, I gag and scream till my throat burns and then I remember that I need to find Jesse. I sprint away from the action to where I imagine a kid might have gone during such interesting times. I get to the fence and frantically look everywhere-spinning around, my mind races-I sprint back towards the madness. I slow down when I near the center, the sound of gun fire deafens my ears; a sickly sweet odor of BBQ wafts into my consciousness when I see a burning body hanging on fire in the distance.
A roaring machine blasts out from the smoking refuse, a biker with a nailbat screams from the underworld towards me. It’s time to use my Swiffer, I put my gun away and slowly take out the Swiffer stick holding it calmly over my head. The maniac rides full speed at me as I lower my center of gravity, time slowing down, everything happening now is an instant in life’s fabric of constant torment. A brief moment in the ever marching path towards the void. When he is within 20 feet I lunge forward with every ounce of power and rage that I can. He raises his nailbat ready to smash my face into my brains and I jump directly at him, shoving the broom through his teeth, shattering them, through his spine and out his neck, jumping over him as he slides off his motorcycle.
“Motherfucker.”
I run over and get on the bike, I hear Jesse yell out and I see him in the distance. I ride towards him but slow as I near the steam-punk chick. She’s supporting herself with a beautifully out-of-place Katana, blood trickles down from where her nose-ear-ring was torn out, her leg shot. “Get on,” I tell her and she does so smirking, “let’s fuck shit up.” We ride on as I see the big white overalls fella lift one of the raiders above his head and smash him into the ground head first in a crunch.