She couldn’t tell him something like this over the phone-even if he’d listen. He was so committed to his position as the courtly gentleman who cared nothing for his beloved’s past that he’d skillfully blocked her every attempt to broach the subject. She suspected that even if she said, “I’m a man, dammit!” He wouldn’t understand.
Forget about dropping her pants. Ever since their engagement, Don had been careful, even overly so, about respecting her “above the neck” rule, so much so that they rarely spent more than a few minutes where they weren’t chaperoned by at least a waiter or a semipublic situation. Stephanie knew why Don was doing this. He was showing her that getting engaged hadn’t been an excuse for pushing her into premarital sex, but as much as she loved him all the more for his courtesy and kindness, there were times she could have punched him.
Don’s mom was prattling away about her friend the dressmaker, showing Stephanie some photos of other gowns the woman had done, when Stephanie suddenly remembered great-grandmother’s wedding dress.
“Those pictures reminded me of something I’d nearly forgotten. I have an heirloom dress that I think would fit me. I’d like to wear it, if there’s any chance. It would be like… well, having a little of my side of the family in the wedding.”
Don’s mom looked momentarily crushed, but she was a good woman and livened immediately.
“I think that’s wonderful. ‘Something old,’ the rhyme says. Maybe I can contribute the ‘something new.’ ”
Stephanie beamed at her. “That would be wonderful! Why don’t you come over the day after tomorrow and see the dress? That would give me a chance to make sure it hasn’t perished in storage or anything like that.”
Don’s mom smiled, her happiness fully restored.
“Don’t show Don,” she teased, waggling her finger. “It’s unlucky if the groom sees the bride’s dress before the wedding day.”
June came, and with it, the day of the wedding. Somehow, Stephanie had not found the right moment to tell Don about Stephen. She’d tried once, even getting so far as mentioning Stephen. Don had seemed ready to listen. Then a dog had darted out of a side street. Don had swerved to keep them from hitting it, and the moment had been lost.
All the hurdles Stephanie had expected hadn’t happened. Blood tests were no longer done. Physical exams were no longer required. The bored clerk hardly glanced at their birth certificates, shoved across forms for them to sign, and barely glanced at any signature but the one Don scrawled on the check. That she checked against his driver’s license.
Stephanie’s bridesmaids were to be Pam and Elaine, her best friends from work. Stephanie had initially cultivated Elaine for purely practical reasons, figuring that the personnel officer would be the first to hear any hints that someone suspected Stephanie was not quite what she seemed. Somewhere the pretense of friendship had become real. Pam worked as a programmer in the same division Stephanie did. She was uninquisitive about anything but numbers and codes, but with those she was brilliant, even funny.
The three women had arranged to meet at Stephanie’s house to get dressed in their finery and do each other’s hair. Then they would take the limousine over to the church together. If Stephanie met them at the door already in her gown, neither of her friends thought this odd. Her physical modesty was well-known, and many a bride could hardly wait to put on the lovely dress that she would, after all, wear only once.
Besides, the dress itself provided ample distraction.
“It’s amazing!” said Pam, a woman whose praise was usually reserved for the intricacies of some computer program.
“You showed it to us in the box,” Elaine added, “but this is a dress that needs to be seen on to be appreciated. Spin a bit, Stephanie. Look how those beads catch the light. If it wasn’t impossible you could believe they were diamonds. I love the netting over the neckline, modest without being in the least prudish.”
Stephanie loved the netting, too, as it concealed her falsies from close inspection. The only things was, she didn’t remember seeing the netting in any of the old photos. She supposed it had been too delicate to show.
“Even without your hair done or your make-up finished,” Pam said, “you look like a princess.”
“All hail Princess Stephanie!” Elaine said, making a deep curtsey, despite her jeans.
Stephanie flushed, remembering the boy of eight who had found his true self in a Cinderella costume.
“She’s blushing!” Pam said. “Now, you’re already half-way ready to go. Let’s get to our hair and then we’ll finish our make-up. Are you going to be all right in that gown? Wouldn’t you be more comfortable in a bathrobe?”
Stephanie spun, letting the diamond beads catch fire in the sunlight streaming through the windows.
“I don’t ever want to take it off,” she said. “I wish I could be Princess Stephanie forever and ever.”
Pam laughed. “Enjoy it while you can, though I’m sure Don is going to be an absolute Prince Charming, even after the wedding. You can tell he’s not just madly in love, he’s sincerely in love. Now, let’s start with Elaine’s hair. It’s thicker than mine, and as I recall…”
The conversation drifted off into the intricacies of hairdressing. As Stephanie’s hands worked on taming Elaine’s thick chestnut locks, her mind insisted on returning to that morning. She’d sat there on the edge of the bed, naked, looking back and forth between the magnificent wedding dress on its stand and the undeniably male sex organs dangling limp at her crotch.
“I’m a man, Don! A man! The woman you love doesn’t exist.”
She practiced the words, but she couldn’t imagine saying them over the phone, and Don was taking his mother’s superstitions very seriously. He’d even left the rehearsal dinner early, so he wouldn’t take a chance of seeing Stephanie after midnight.
“I guess he knows that Cinderella changes back into her real self after midnight,” Stephen said to the dress, “and he doesn’t want to take any chances. How can I do this to him? But how can I stand him up at the altar? Better to go through with it, then let him find out the truth. Then we can figure out the best way to save face for him afterwards. It would be easy for him to have the marriage declared invalid. Then I could disappear. He could tell everyone whatever he wanted. Or I could pretend to die…”
Stephen started crying, hard tears that wrenched from the heart.
“But I love him so much! That’s real, even if Stephanie isn’t. I love him, and I’m going to lose him because even if a scullery maid can be changed into a princess, there’s no way I can ever be.”
“Ouch!” Elaine’s exclamation brought Stephanie from her memories. “Not so hard! I don’t mind wearing it up, but I do protest having it pulled out at the roots.”
“Sorry,” Stephanie said. “I think I’ve got the pins in now, and doesn’t your hair look wonderful?”
It did, and Elaine was immediately mollified, turning her head side to side to inspect the effect. Pam’s hair was easier to do, but Stephanie made herself concentrate on the task, not letting her mind wander. She took charge of the cosmetics, and each of her friends were overwhelmed at the transformation.
“You won’t be the only princess at this ball!” Pam said, turning her head side to side to admire the results of Stephanie’s skillful shadowing. “Mike won’t know me.”
“Mike will be awed,” Elaine said, “but he’s going to be embarrassed unless you get your dress on. We’d better get moving. The limo’s going to be here before we know it.”
And it was. Stephanie had hardly settled the heirloom tiara that went with the dress into her fair hair when the driver came to the door. He seemed pleasantly impressed with the entourage, escorting them to the long car with visible pride.