One of the great screens flared into life and showed what looked like a Baldrick trident being charged up by a generator. The contacts were closed but instead of a bolt arcing downrange, the charge short-circuited to the ground.
“You see that? We can’t get an earth-made trident to fire a bolt, they arc to earth every time. Oh, by the way, guns made in hell work perfectly. This is a very important conclusion that we are impressing on our people. We used to think that the theories and laws of science that existed here on Earth are universal, well the tridents show quite simply that they are not. They are similar, very similar indeed, but they are not the same. Build a trident in Hell, power it by electricity made in Hell and it throws a bolt for up to two miles. Build a trident on Earth, power it with electricity made on Earth and it arcs to ground within a few inches. We now believe that the rules of physics here on Earth and the subtly different rules in Hell are both special cases of a general rule that sits above them. It is by understanding science in Hell and science on Earth that we can comprehend those differences and quantify them. By doing that, we can understand the general rules that previously we have only seen as our own special cases.”
A patter of applause from fifteen Presidents and Prime Ministers followed the presentation. Putin tapped the table in front of him and smiled benignly at the conference. “Now, we come to the next point of the agenda. How do we blow Heaven up?
(First section was submitted by Surlethe)
Chapter Ten
Suwon Palace, North Korea, April 2009
“You know, that haircut is absolutely ridiculous.” Gabriel-Lan leaned back and looked at the figure sharing the room with him. He was used to the fact that he towered over humans but the difference was even more marked when he was dealing with this particular man who measured only five foot two. In fact, he looked a lot less than that now and the ludicrous hairstyle he had affected in earlier years had been replaced by a thinning, gray brush-cut. The man’s body seemed to have caved in on itself, he was thin and stooped over, lines of age prominent in the shrunken mask that was his face.
Around them, Kim Jong-Il’s bodyguards bristled at the insult but they dared not move. Any other person who had made a remark like that would have been arrested on the spot and sent to a prison camp for a prolonged and gruelling execution. The guards had more sense than to try the same on Gabriel-Lan, the personal messenger of Yahweh. Kim Jong-Il’s face was impassive as the insult registered, he also knew better than to argue with the great white figure before him. Still, he consoled himself with the knowledge that the benefits of dealing with these creatures far outweighed the annoyance of their supercilious arrogance.
Gabriel-Lan might have looked sleepy, and being honest with himself, he was still hung over from his activities the night before in the Montmartre Club. That same wealth of excesses combined with the attentions of Mistress Lailah had left him slightly reluctant to sit down but duty required him to carry out the messages. Also, he was well aware that humans were dangerous. Satan had forgotten that and now he was dead, along with Asmodeus, Beelzebub and Deumos. Abigor was little more than the human’s puppet while Dagon was even less than that. Taking humans lightly was something that put an entirely new definition on the word ‘unwise’. He saw Kim Jong-Il’s two female companions, one allegedly a nurse, the other certainly a female doctor, move forward carefully and quickly check on their patient. Looking at him, Gabriel-Lan came to the conclusion that Kim Jong-Il would be joining his father very shortly. One way or another.
“Have you considered that a great window of opportunity opens before you?” Gabriel-Lan tried to put some enthusiasm into his voice. “The human armies are tied down in Hell, trying to bring peace to the lands they have conquered there. They cannot be withdrawn easily and their operations have left humans weak everywhere else. Especially south of the border. An assault now, aimed at reunifying Korea under your leadership would be exploiting this moment of weakness to best advantage.”
“Much of the armor stationed in the South has indeed been withdrawn.” Kim’s voice was as weak as his appearance suggested it might be. “But the border fortifications remain. And the Americans…”
“The Americans are tied down in Hell, trying to pacify their occupation zone. And they have expanded their army so fast, their corps of leadership is spread very thin. Their army is but a shadow of what it once was.” And even that shadow is enough to roll over anything that gets in its way Gabriel-Lan added the thought silently to himself even as he repeated the words that Michael-Lan had given him. His official title might be The Messenger of The One Above All but Gabriel-Lan believed it was Michael who best understood the new universe that was exploding into existence around them. He’d warned the Nameless One, the Lord and God of all that starting this war with humans was foolish and could only lead to disaster, but Yahweh had been adamant. They had dared to question his words and for they he was bound and determined to deliver them to Hell. Only, it hadn’t ended that way, the attempt to deliver humans up to Satan had instead delivered Satan up to the humans.
Away from The Ultimate Temple, away from Yahweh’s obsession with forcing absolute obedience and unqualified adoration from the humans, Michael-Lan had explained his strategy to Gabriel and impressed upon him the vital necessity of this mission. “If we fight the humans, head-to-head, we will lose.” Michael-Lan had almost become impassioned at that point. “They have advanced so far, so fast, their armies are invincible. At best we can bloody them but the more we win against them, the worse will be our defeat in the end. There is but one force that can destroy a human army and that is another army of humans. If we can prevent them from assaulting us in Heaven and fight them with another human army on Earth, then we might survive this war that Yah-yah has forced on us.”
The memory of Michael-Lan’s blasphemous corruption of Lord and God of All’s name jerked Gabriel-Lan out of his reverie. Kim Jong-Il was still wittering on about the strength of the border fortifications and the danger that the Americans might intervene. Gabriel cut him off sharply. “It is truly said that it is the emptiest of vessels that make most noise. You have a reputation, Kim Jong-Il but you know what reputations are? Words and rumors. You are great with your words and make many speeches but they mean nothing. What matters now are deeds and where deeds are concerned yours are conspicuous by their absence. Perhaps it is time for your father to return to his homeland and for the Great Leader to show the Dear Leader what deeds are.”
“But Great Leader is dead.”
“So? When did that make any difference?” Gabriel-Lan reflected that Kim Il-Sung actually looked a lot better than his son did. Given their present states, Kim Il-Sung could actually be mistaken for Kim Jong-Il’s son rather than his father. “And, anyway, you of all people should know that he is dead. By the way, he wants an explanation as to why you puffed him in the face with that cyanide spray. If you are unprepared to take action, perhaps we should allow him to return and demand that explanation. After all, he is the “Eternal President” of this benighted country. Perhaps he should take up the reins again.”
“No.” Kim Jong-Il was almost panic-stricken. “You are right, the time has come for the Great Reunification Effort. We will get ready for it at once.”
Gabriel-Lan rose to his feet and shook his wings to ease the cramps brought on by the confined room. “That is good news. I will watch your preparations with interest.” He left the room, leaving consternation behind him. As he did, he made a quick time calculation. If he got a move on, he would be back in time for another appointment with Mistress Lailah.