But it was like he didn’thave to touch me. Every single one of my nerve endings seemed to be on fire. It was like kissing an electrical outlet, or something. I felt like I was going to explode.
And I guess Tommy must have felt something along the same lines, because after a minute of carefully not touching me, suddenly his arms went around me, and instead of feeling the front grille of the Jeep behind my back, he’d lifted me so I was sitting on the hood, and he was kind of between my legs. I’d already flung my arms around his neck. It was all I could do not to wrap my legs around his waist as well.
And all I could think was,Now thisis a kiss. Seth had never kissed me like this before. Eric either. It was almost like Tommy hadpracticed this kiss, or something, that’s how good it was.
And as he went on kissing me, and I went on kissing him back, it occurred to me that it was really true…Tommy Sullivan reallywas a freak.
But, like, in the best possible way a guy could be.
And then, just as suddenly as he’d started kissing me, Tommy stopped, tearing his mouth away from mine — but not dropping his arms from around me — and looked at me. Because I was perched on the hood of his Jeep, we were at exactly the same eye level, for once. I looked right back at him, my lips feeling delightfully bruised and tingly, my breath coming out a little raggedly.
But not as ragged as his.
“Don’t even try to tell me that you learned how to do that in military school,” I said accusingly, when I could speak again.
Tommy laughed. But his voice was as unsteady as mine when he replied, “I told you. It was co-ed.”
“Oh, yeah.” But this information was hardly comforting. Seriously, Tommy had to have kissed a lot of girls to have gotten his makeout technique down to such perfection. My head was spinning around so much, I couldn’t stop myself from stammering, “So do you — do you have a girlfriend?”
He raised his eyebrows. “Used to. Why? Would you be more interested in me if I did have a girlfriend, so you could have the fun of trying to steal me away?”
“I’m not like that,” I said hotly, wanting to pull away from him. But then, a stronger part of me wanted to stay right where I was. Forever. “I don’t steal other people’s boyfriends.”
“Right,” Tommy said with a laugh. “You just cheat on your own.”
“I can’t help it,” I protested. Although I knew if Seth had ever once kissed me the way Tommy just had, I’d never have looked twice at Eric. Or Tommy.
And then I admitted a terrible thing…something I’d never admitted to anyone before. Anyone but myself: “I just…I guess I just don’t like him enough not to.”
“I don’t think it has anything to do with how much you like or dislike Seth,” Tommy said, absently letting one of the curls of my hair wrap around a finger as he played with it. “I think it has to do with the fact that you wanted him for so long, and then you got him, and you realized he wasn’t so great after all. But you couldn’t break up with him, because you’re Katie Ellison, smartest girl in the class. Breaking up with Seth means you’d be admitting you made a mistake. And brainiac Katie Ellison doesn’t make mistakes.”
“Th-that—” I stammered. “That’s ridiculous!”
“Is it? Maybe. Or maybe it’s just that you’ve never been able to stand disappointing people, and if you broke up with Seth, that would disappoint a lot of people…especially Seth. So you’re doing everything you can to get him to break up with you. Only it’s not working.”
“Ha!” I cried. “That’s funny! No, really, that’s rich. You think Iwant Seth to find out about me and Eric?”
“Exactly,” Tommy said. “Only he’s not bright enough. Really, Katie, the whole thing boils down to how much you dislike yourself.”
I jerked my head away, so the curl fell away from his finger and bobbed back against my face.
“What do you mean?” I demanded. “I like myself. I totally like myself.Too much, maybe,” I added after a second, thinking about Quahog Princess, and how sure Sidney and I were that we were going to win.
“I don’t think so,” Tommy said, shaking his head. “I’ve seen your photos, remember?”
I glared at him in the light from the street lamp. “What about my photos?”
“You’re a great photographer,” Tommy admitted. “But like Mr. Bird said, you’re better at taking pictures of other people than you are of anything else. I think it’s because you understand people…and you don’t judge them. It’syourself you don’t seem to understand…or be totally honest with.”
“What are you talking about?” I shook my head. “I may lie a lot…that’s true. But to other people. Not myself.”
“Oh, yeah?” He looked amused about something. “Pelicans, Katie?”
“So what?” I shrugged. “So what if I like to take pictures of pelicans? What does that prove?”
“That you’re just trying to give people what you think they want. It’s not whatyou want.”
Why did I get the feeling he wasn’t actually talking about pelicans? The thing was, I didn’t know what the heck hewas talking about. Worse, I didn’t even really care. Because all I wanted to do was kiss him some more.
“People like pelicans,” I stammered. Because it was the only thing I could think of to say.
“Yeah,” Tommy said. “People do. Just like people like quahogs. Butyou don’t. People love Seth Turner. But you don’t. I think the problem with you, Katie, is that you’ve been so busy for these past few years, giving people what you think they want, you haven’t stopped to think about whatyou want.”
I looked at his lips. I had no idea what he was talking about. Itotally knew what I wanted. At least, right then.
“Or maybe you have,” Tommy said with a smile, apparently noting the direction of my gaze. “And it scares you.”
“I’m not scared,” I assured him. And for once, I wasn’t lying.
And then, much to my satisfaction, he was kissing me again. I’m not at all sure how long we’d have stayed in that parking lot, kissing — or maybe even more than kissing, considering the way things were rapidly seeming to develop — if I hadn’t noticed, on the backs of my closed eyelids, a light that was much brighter than the streetlight we were under.
And then when I opened my eyes, I noticed the car that just pulled into the Gull ’n Gulp’s parking lot.
The car with a very surprised-looking Sidney van der Hoff behind the wheel.
Fourteen
My parents were still awake when I got home. Apparently, they’d waited up especially for me.
“Hi, honey,” Mom said, lowering the copy ofRealtor Magazine she was reading in bed, while my dad flipped around the various ESPN channels, looking for the scores to the golf game. “How was your day?”
“Um.” I wasn’t exactly sure how to answer that question. Also, I was still in a sort of daze from Tommy Sullivan’s kisses. And what had happened right after he’d kissed me. “Fine.”
Well, what else was I going to say?Not so good, Mom. I broke up with the guy I’ve been seeing secretly behind my boyfriend’s back and started making out with another guy — one the whole town hates and who I think is trying to ruin my life.
Only my best friend caught me, so now he doesn’t have to bother.
“Sidney called,” my dad said, not taking his gaze from the television screen. “Twice.”
“Oh,” I said. “Thanks.”
“Why is she calling on the house phone?” Dad wanted to know. “Did you forget to charge your cell phone again?”
“Um,” I said. “Yeah.” No point in telling him the truth — that I’d been sending all of Sidney’s calls straight to voice mail ever since she’d started phoning, approximately three seconds after she’d bugged out in the parking lot, after seeing Tommy Sullivan and me making out on top of his car.