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“Yeah, butjealous of your greatness?” I shook my head. “Comeon.”

“See?” Liam glared at me. “Coach Hayes was right. You’re already jealous of my greatness, and I’ve only been a Quahog for an hour.”

“I’m not jealous,” I informed him. “And you aren’t great. And if you say that again, I’llshow you just how not great you are.”

Liam took a single step toward me, forcing me to have to lift my chin up — wayup — in order to look him in the eye.

“Oh, yeah?” he demanded, looking down at me. “You and what army?”

It’s so weird how much he’s grown in such a short period of time. At this time last year, I’d easily been able to lift him up and throw him into the yacht club pool. Not to hurt him, or anything. Just to show him who was boss.

I couldn’t help wondering who was boss now. It still had to be me. I mean, I’m the oldest.

“Ha ha,” I said sarcastically. “That’s so original. Coach Hayes obviously didn’t pick you for your brains.”

“Hey, now,” Dad said mildly. He’d already wandered out to the family room, just off the kitchen, picked up the remote control, and was flipping around, trying to find the golf game.

“Coach Hayes warned us about people like you,” Liam said condescendingly. “He said the elitists in society would try to make out like just because we’re athletically gifted, we must be mentally deficient.”

I burst out laughing. “Oh my God,” I said.

“Katie,” Mom said absently, as she checked the messages on the answering machine — most of which seemed to be from Tiffanys and Brittanys, asking for Liam to call them back. “Stop picking on your brother.”

“But it’s like he’s in a cult, or something,” I said. “I mean,elitists in society? Just who is that supposed to be? The people in this town who don’t think just because you’re a Quahog, you should get extra-special treatment? I mean, beyond the corner booth at the Gull ’n Gulp?”

“I know exactly what you’re talking about, Katie,” Liam said, narrowing his eyes down at me. “Or should I say,who you’re talking about. And Coach Hayes had something to say abouthim, too.”

“Him, who?” I demanded. Even though I knew perfectly well.

“Tommy Sullivan, that’s who,” Liam boomed down at me. Ever since his voice changed, he likes making it sound deeper than it actually is. On the few occasions he’s ever actually home to pick up the phone when one of the Tiffanys or Brittanys calls, he lowers his voice even more, saying, “Hello?” in a tone so deep, he sounds like freaking James Earl Jones. “Coach Hayes said some people in Eastport would be so jealous of our greatness, they’d even stoop to making up lies about us—”

I thought my head was going to explode.

“Tommy Sullivan may be a lot of things,” I shrieked at my brother. “But he is not a liar!”

Unlike me.

“Oh, right!” Liam snorted in disgust. “Give it up, Katie. Tommy Sullivan was just jealous because he knew he’d never be a Quahog, so he—”

“Oh my God,” I burst out. “You’ve drunk the Kool-Aid!”

“I drank Gatorade,” Liam shouted back. “Not Kool-Aid! I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I ignored him. It was time to seek help from a higher power. Or two. “Mom,” I said. “Dad. Liam’s drunk the Kool-Aid.”

“Stop saying that!” Liam screamed.

“Katie,” my mom said, stabbing the Pause button on the answering machine and cutting off a Brittany, mid-giggle. “Please. Don’t be so dramatic. And Liam, stop screaming. I can’t hear our messages.”

“And I can’t hear the TV,” Dad said, turning up the volume on his golf tournament.

“Mom,” I said, trying hard not to be dramatic. “Would you please tell Liam that Tommy Sullivan did not make up the story about Jake Turner and those guys cheating on their SATs?”

“Yes, he did!” Liam cried. “Coach Hayes told us all about it! He said the press is full of members of intelligentsia, who will stop at nothing to make Quahogs look like fools, because they’re jealous of their athletic prowess—”

“Coach Hayes obviously hasn’t seen Tommy Sullivan lately,” I muttered.

“—and that the year the Quahogs had to forfeit the state championship will forever be a black mark on the history of Eastport because of the act of one envious person—”

“That is ridiculous!” I yelled, knowing I was being dramatic again, but unable to help myself. “Tommy didn’t write that story because he was jealous! He wrote it because it wasn’t fair that the Quahogs got special treatment from the proctor of that exam! I mean, they’re just a bunch of football players! Why should they get to cheat on the SATs if nobody else does?”

“I told you,” Liam said angrily. “They didn’t cheat! It was a conspiracy! Coach Hayes told us so. And that’s a nice way for the girlfriend of this year’s team kicker to talk, by the way. I wonder how Seth would feel if he knew you think his brother’s a cheater.”

“Oh, bite me,” I snarled at him.

Which is exactly when Tommy Sullivan’s voice filled the kitchen. At first I couldn’t tell where it was coming from. I thought he was actually there, in the room with us.

Then I realized it was a message he’d left on the answering machine, which Mom was playing back.

“Hi, Katie,”Tommy said, his deep voice solemn.“It’s me, Tom. Tom Sullivan. Look…about last night — I still don’t understand exactly what happened. I — look, just call me, would you?” Then he gave his cell number.“We need to talk.”

Then he hung up.

And I realized the gaze of every member of my family was on my face. Well, except my dad’s, since he was still watching golf.

Liam was the first to speak.

“TommySullivan?” He was sneering. He was most definitely sneering. “You andTommy Sullivan? Oh my God! Mwa ha ha ha!”

That’s when I went for him.

I managed to grab a nice handful of leg hair, and was tugging mercilessly — Liam screaming shrilly in pain — when suddenly I was seized by the waist from behind, and lifted straight up into the air by my father.

“The updo,” I shrieked. “Watch the updo!”

“That isenough!” my father roared, setting me down again on the opposite side of the bar separating the kitchen from the family room, so that Liam and I were in different rooms. “I have had it with the both of you! I am trying to watch GOLF!”

“She started it,” Liam said sulkily, rubbing his leg.

“Youstarted it!” I yelled at him. “You’re the one who told Tommy Sullivan where I work! If you had just kept your big fat mouth shut about my private business—”

“That’s it.” Mom had on her One More Word and You’re Grounded face. “Liam. Katie. Go to your rooms.”

“I can’t go to my room,” I declared. “I have my Quahog Princess pageant in—” I threw a glance at the clock. “Oh, great. Half an hour. Now I’m going to be late.” I glared at Liam. “Thanks a lot, nimrod.”

“Why bother going?” Liam shot back. “You’re not going to win. Not when everybody finds out who you were hanging out with last night—”

“SHUT UP!” I shrieked.

And stormed from the house.

Sixteen

I don’t know how my parents can be so casual about this whole thing. I mean, this thing with my brother, becoming one ofthem.

Although, now that I think about it, that’s exactly what Tommy accused me of being. Right? I mean, didn’t he express wonder at how I’d assimilated?

And I’d told him he was wrong, that there is nous versusthem.

But according to what Liam says, Coach Hayes obviously thinks there is. And if Coach Hayes thinks that—