‘But we are told to conquer ourselves,’ said Hope.
‘The process was perhaps incomplete, Mrs Cranmer,’ said Ridley.
‘Well, we are not to mind about success. It is only the effort that counts.’
‘To disguise one’s real nature seems such a second-rate instinct,’ said Faith.
‘I suppose all instincts are,’ said Hope. ‘That is why they have to be overlaid by reason. I know I am inconsistent, but it upsets me to visit the Sullivans. It is because their house is so much better than mine.’
‘The Sullivans have a place, Mother. This is just a comfortable home.’
‘I know you do not mean to be unkind, dear.’
‘I do not indeed; I was only speaking the truth.’
‘There isn’t much difference. Brutal frankness is an accepted term.’
‘I think this is a very restful room.’
‘Yes, you know just what I mean.’
‘We should not be any happier in a better one.’
‘Well, it would not be true happiness. But I like the other kind. And having a dozen children would be the first kind, wouldn’t it?’
‘You know Mrs Sullivan has nine children, Mother.’
‘Yes, but easy exaggeration glosses it over, and makes it seem more trivial and vague. I could not bring myself to say nine; I am such a coward.’
‘Have you not found two stepchildren enough?’ said Ridley.
‘Oh, of course, dear. You have given me the duties and responsibilities of motherhood. I ought not to want any more.’
‘We know it has not been the same, Mother,’ said Faith, in a quiet tone.
‘Oh, well, dear, I am not one of those women who have never heard themselves called Mother.’
‘I wonder how much feeling those youngsters have for their parents,’ said Paul.
‘Paul, that is kind. I do feel that perhaps I am making a fuss about nothing. Faith and Ridley think I am. Now I have had some comfort, I will show my better qualities for the rest of the day. I will be one of those rare people who keep them for their families. I am glad I have not expended them on anyone else.’
‘Are you jealous of the whole brood?’ said Paul.
‘I am jealous of Nevill,’ said Faith, lightly.
‘The one who choked?’ said Hope.
‘You know that was Nevill, Mother.’
‘There is my worse nature again. It really seems the only one I have.’
‘I should like him to stay always as he is now.’
‘Why, he would be bound to choke sooner or later, if it went on.’
‘Venice will grow up a handsome girl,’ said Ridley.
‘The one who prevented the choking? But wouldn’t she have to remain in the same stage too? Because it couldn’t be allowed to happen. Eleanor saw it herself.’
‘There are seven more,’ said Paul.
‘Are there?’ said Hope. ‘There it is again.’
‘I should like to see more of the girls,’ said Faith.
‘Surely a wish you can gratify,’ said Paul. ‘That is the best thing to do with wishes.’
‘I think I like girls better than boys.’
‘Then you need only be jealous of four,’ said Hope. ‘But of course you are too young for such feelings. People would be jealous of you. Where is Ridley going?’
‘To London,’ said her stepson, slightly drawing himself up.
‘Of course, you are indispensable there. And here too, as we know. You are not without honour anywhere.’
Faith glanced at her parents, and as they made no movement towards the hall, accompanied her brother herself.
‘Do you like Faith the better of your children?’ said Hope, to her husband.
‘Oh, well, yes, a father takes to his daughter.’
‘I like her better too. And you would expect me to be a woman who never preferred her own sex.’
‘I should have said you generally did so.’
‘Most people do. It is a thing that has not been noticed. People know too much about their sex, to think it possible to prefer it, when really they find it familiar and congenial.’
‘Faith seemed to feel that she preferred it,’ said Paul.
‘Yes, but Faith knows nothing about it. And I could pay her no greater compliment. Self-knowledge speaks ill for people; it shows they are what they are, almost on purpose. And I am not speaking against her the moment her back is turned. I am not at all what I am supposed to be.’
‘That would perhaps be the safest moment to choose,’ said Faith, returning and speaking with a smile. ‘But it is better to be open and aboveboard with everybody.’
‘But we could not speak evil to their faces,’ said Hope.
‘Well, it is not a thing we are obliged to do, Mother.’
‘I like my friends best when they are doing it. It makes them so zestful and observant. Original too, almost creative. You see I am speaking good behind their backs. And you don’t seem to like it much, but I suppose no one likes to hear other people always praised.’
‘I think that would be very pleasant,’ said Faith.
‘Well, let us all praise Ridley.’
‘He has met a great mark of confidence today.’
‘That is not praise. You must say you think he deserved it.’
‘I think that trust often makes people worthy of it.’
‘Faith, I like to hear people speak evil. You know I have admitted it. But you must remember that Ridley is your brother.’
Chapter 5
‘Sir Jesse says we must continue to practise economy,’ said Priscilla Marlowe, lifting her eyes without warning from her book. ‘He says it need not interfere with our comfort. I could see he knew it prevented it.’
‘People used to talk about elegant economy,’ said her sister, also looking up from a book. ‘I suppose they meant unobtrusive expenditure.’
‘Sir Jesse says our interests lie in things of the mind,’ said Priscilla, in an absent tone that suggested that this was the case. ‘And they do cost less than other things.’
‘I wonder why he chose such interests for us,’ said the third member of the group, relinquishing the same occupation as his sisters.
‘Because it would be an economy,’ said Priscilla; ‘perhaps an elegant one in this case.’
‘I hope he is not thinking of reducing our allowance,’ said her brother, in a shrill, anxious voice. ‘Because we have cut things to their finest point.’
‘It was in his mind, but it did not come out. He would have found it too embarrassing. We hardly know what we owe to his dislike of discomfiture. I wonder why I have to see him alone. I suppose so that he may have only one third of the discomfiture that is rightly his. I ought to be sacrificed as the eldest sister, but it seems that I have three times as much as is mine.’
‘It is awkward that I am assumed to earn so much more than I do,’ said Lester. ‘My last book brought in sixty pounds, and it took two years. And I am ashamed to confess how poorly my work is paid. It would make him think it was poor work and despised. And so he believes I spend money on myself, a thing I should never do.’
‘It would be a selfish course,’ said Priscilla. ‘But Susan earns a good deal at her school, and he does not separate our incomes. He assumes that you earn the most, as the man.’
‘I do not mind being helped by my sister. I must grant her the superior place, when it is justly hers. But I wonder why Sir Jesse despises me for earning so little, when he believes it is really so much.’
‘He is used to thinking in large sums,’ said Susan.
‘He breaks the habit when he comes here,’ said her sister. ‘Perhaps that is why he never seems at ease. He does think in very small ones then.’
‘We ought to be grateful to him for saving us from penury,’ said Susan. ‘And giving us an education that makes us self-supporting.’