‘I shall have to say good-bye to you,’ said James, going on quickly to the next words. ‘You won’t mind living in the little house, will you?’
‘No, not at all. It will be my own.’
‘That will be a change for the better,’ said Regan, in an almost cordial manner.
Chapter 11
‘What is the matter, Gavin?’ said Eleanor, as she returned to the house with her children. ‘Why are you staying in the carriage? You seem in such an odd mood.’
Gavin got out and walked up the steps without a word.
‘What is wrong with him, Honor?’
‘He wanted you to stop and listen to him in the street. And now he wants to go back again.’
‘He must know he can’t do that. We are later than we ought to be already. Grandma is waiting for us. It is tiresome of him to make my last day so difficult.’
James frolicked up the steps in the manner of a different and easier boy, and Honor followed in a neutral manner.
‘Why do people speak to each other, if other people don’t listen?’ said Gavin, without looking back.
‘I heard what you said,’ said his mother. ‘You remember that I answered. But you must know you made a mistake.’
‘I know that I saw him,’ said Gavin. ‘All my life I shall know.’
‘Children do fancy they see things, when they have them in their minds. Going where Father sometimes took you, reminded you of him, and you thought you saw him. That was all.’
‘I wasn’t reminded of him; I wasn’t thinking about him. I haven’t thought much about him for some time.’
‘Honor, can’t you persuade him that he must be wrong?’
‘He really thinks he saw him. You can’t persuade a person then.’
‘Well, run upstairs and try to forget it.’
‘I shan’t ever forget it,’ said Gavin, going heavily from stair to stair. ‘I shall remember it every minute. I shan’t ever remember other things.’
‘Honor, tell Hatton what he thinks, and ask her to explain to him.’
‘I shall tell her,’ said Gavin.
‘Perhaps you had better say nothing about it,’ said Eleanor.
‘I shall tell her,’ repeated Gavin.
‘No, you had better not, my boy. Do you hear what I say?’
‘If I didn’t hear, I couldn’t answer.’
Eleanor sighed and went her way, prevented from pressing the point by the thought that it was her last day with her children.
Gavin went to the nursery.
‘I saw Father,’ he said.
‘No, you are making a mistake,’ said Hatton.
Gavin sat down to take off his boots, and wasted no further word.
‘You have fancied it,’ said Hatton, looking at his face, while Mullet, also observing it, came to his aid.
Gavin leaned back and accepted the latter’s ministrations without attention to herself.
‘Poor Gavin is not well,’ said Nevill, glancing at his brother.
‘He really thinks he saw him,’ said Honor, to Hatton.
‘Of course he does, or he would not say so.’
‘He does do that sometimes,’ said Nevill, in shocked condemnation of his brother’s practices.
‘It is easy to imagine things,’ said Mullet, falling into the error of judging other people by herself. ‘When he has had his dinner, he will see how it was. When we are hungry, our minds are out of our control.’
‘I wasn’t hungry,’ said Gavin. ‘We had things to eat at a shop. I am not hungry now.’
‘Did he tell the mistress about it?’ said Mullet to Honor.
‘Yes.’
‘And what did she say?’
‘Something like what you and Hatton have said.’
‘Did she mind his saying it?’
‘Yes, I think she did rather.’
Gavin took no notice when his plate was set before him, but presently took up his knife and fork, to forestall the inevitable pressure. As he ate, his colour returned, and he went through the meal with his normal appetite. When his sister talked, he answered with his usual directness, and he followed the others down to dessert, as though neither expecting nor desiring anything else. Nevill ran into the room and spoke at once.
‘Mother will be gone tomorrow,’ he said, and rapidly corrected his tone. ‘Poor Mother will be gone away very soon.’
‘They like the constant holidays,’ said Eleanor, with a smile and a sigh.
‘It was a chance to give Miss Pilbeam a day to herself,’ said Luce.
‘I thought we need hardly trouble,’ said Eleanor. ‘Nevill had his lessons alone.’
‘Just him and Miss Pilbeam,’ said the latter.
‘It was not worth Miss Pilbeam’s while to come for half-an-hour,’ said Luce.
‘He had an hour,’ said Nevill. ‘Then Hatton came for him.’
‘I should like to die,’ said Gavin, looking round the table.
‘Why would you?’ said Regan and Graham at once.
‘Because as long as you are alive, things can happen that you don’t like. Even if you couldn’t bear them, they would happen.’
‘A good description of life,’ said Isabel.
‘It is too one-sided,’ said Eleanor. ‘And in your case it would be absurd. No children could be more fortunate.’
‘We haven’t any father,’ said Honor. ‘So they could be.’
‘We could have one, if we liked,’ said Gavin.
‘Does he mean Ridley?’ said Luce.
‘He thinks he saw Father today,’ said Honor.
‘I did see him,’ said her brother. ‘In the town, when we were there with Mother.’
‘It is a fancy he has had,’ said Eleanor.
Gavin’s face did not change.
‘What makes you think so, my boy?’ said Sir Jesse. ‘Why did you not speak to him?’
‘Grandpa, don’t press it,’ said Luce, in a low tone. ‘It is not a matter to push to its logical conclusion.’
‘He didn’t want me to,’ said Gavin. ‘He didn’t want us even to see him.’
‘I should think that is very likely true,’ said Eleanor, gently. ‘So he would like you just to forget it. And that is what we will do.’
‘Did you know he was there?’ said Gavin, meeting her eyes.
‘Of course she didn’t,’ said Honor. ‘Or she wouldn’t be going to marry Mr Ridley.’
‘Then she won’t be able to forget it. She says things that are not true.’
‘So that is what you think of me,’ said Eleanor.
‘He will think of Mother always when she is gone away,’ said Nevill.
‘I seem to have chosen the right course,’ said Eleanor. ‘People have no trouble in adapting themselves to it.’
‘I don’t think I could ever come to a decision,’ said Graham. ‘I hope my life will not afford much power of choice.’
‘I should say the hope is grounded,’ said Sir Jesse.
‘You are not going to live far away,’ said James, to his mother.
‘No, of course not, my boy. I could not bear to do that.’
‘I should think you could,’ said Gavin.
‘My dear, I have just said I could not,’ said Eleanor, in a tone of speaking to a much older person. ‘You must let people give their own account of themselves. You can’t know as much about them as they do.’
‘You can think you do. You can be sure.’
‘Then you should remind yourself that you are likely to be wrong.’
‘I never remind myself of things. If I don’t think they are true, why should I?’
‘It is an office we do tend to reserve for other people,’ said Isabel.
‘Why does this luncheon feel like an anniversary?’ said Graham.
‘It is my last luncheon as a member of the household,’ said Eleanor. ‘I think I shall try to forget it.’
‘You do forget things,’ said Gavin.
‘What kind of things?’