Alice didn’t have any idea what they were. Like the snake, they were new to her experience and she didn’t know what to do about them. Certainly, there were far too many for her to simply stomp, and they were pretty clearly not insects, so even if she’d had insecticide prepared it might not bother them.
Fortunately, in a genuine flash of genius Alice realized she had allies, a whole yard full of them, her chickens. She wouldn’t have to fight alone this time.
She raced to the chicken house, which formed a part of their pen, and frantically grabbed a scoop of grain with which to lay a trail to the lettuce patch.
With this bait, she opened the gate and let the flock follow her. She ran out of grain just before they reached the creatures, who had by now penetrated into the center of the patch. Fortunately, chickens are dumb and they didn’t know that, and so they followed her in the expectation that she would throw them some more grain.
They got a better treat. They loved it. Once the first chicken spotted the first “bug” and sampled it, there was no stopping them. Greedy for more, the dominant hen took over, leading the assault deep into the plot where the birds quickly surrounded and exterminated the invaders.
Alice could not find one survivor. She still didn’t know what they were, and under present circumstances didn’t have a prayer of capturing a sample. Worse, her saviors now began to turn on her. Some were still hungry and eager to forage, so Alice had to get them back into their pen before they gobbled up what was left of the lettuce. Some of them really liked lettuce.
The task took nearly half an hour. When the job was finally done Alice surveyed the damage. One whole corner of her lettuce patch was now utterly bare, the plants clipped off at the ground. Half of what was left was trampled or badly pecked. Mel was certain to notice that, and ask what happened, so Alice decided she had finally had enough of his skepticism. She knew there was one way to get a sample before he got home, though it would be dead, not living.
“What’s this? Chicken on Tuesday? Chicken’s for Sunday, Alice.”
“That’s not chicken, Mel, that’s crow.”
“It is, huh? What’s got you riled up now, Alice? Has your snake been back?”
“Something worse, Mel. Go look in the freezer.”
“Look in the freezer? For what?”
“There’s a coffee can in there with something in it that I think you should see. Go get it.”
Puzzled, Mel did. When he returned he had the lid off and was poking around inside with the point of his pocket knife. “Alice,” he said grimly, “I know this is a chicken crop—on the outside—but what are these things inside?”
“Figments, Mel. Imaginary varmints, like that snake I didn’t see. Mel, didn’t you notice the lettuce patch? You walked right past it to get from the barn to the house. Didn’t you see anything strange?”
“Yeah. I did. Why’d you pick so much lettuce? Who’s gonna’ eat it all?”
Alice exploded. At times Mel could be very obtuse, and the only way to get him out of it was to use brute force. “Those ‘figments’ ate it already, Mel,” she shrieked, “and if it hadn’t been for the chickens I’d have lost it all!”
Mel still looked puzzled. He was covering his ears.
Alice changed her tack. “Mel, aren’t you listening? I said these little varmints just swarmed in and started eating, like locusts—well, maybe even worse than locusts, because they’re faster and bigger and they can eat more. They picked all that ground clean in less than five minutes. Mel, what’s going to happen to us if they start on the cash crops?”
Now, it registered. Mel understood. He stepped over and gave Alice a hug, and said he was sorry.
But Alice still wasn’t pacified. “Something strange is happening here, Mel, and I think it’s time for us to tell somebody on the outside about it. I don’t know what those tilings are and you don’t know what they are, but I’ve seen what they can do and we both know that if they ’re anything at all like locusts it’ll take more than our chickens to stop them if they decide to come back.”
“You’re right,” Mel answered somberly. “I’ll call Eddie and ask him to come over.”
Alice cringed. She didn’t particularly like Eddie Whitman. Eddie had once been a suitor, back in high school, and he never had married. He was the community’s most eligible bachelor and he seemed to want to stay that way. He liked to hit on the married women and avoided the single ones.
Alice knew she would have to endure his visit and his attention. Eddie was the county agricultural agent, and she had to admit, though grudgingly, that in his own line of work Eddie did possess a few smarts. “I just hope we ll be able to get rid of him at a reasonable hour,” she sighed.
“They’re not insects, Mel. They have only four legs. Also, this hair, if that’s what it is, means they’re mammals, because only mammals have fur. But whatever they are they’re an entirely new species, and the smallest yet. None of these is bigger than a junebug. Even shrews are bigger than that, at least the kind we have around here.
“No,” Whitman grunted, after a short, but thoughtful pause, “this is definitely a new one on me. Maybe the boys at the state ag lab will know what they are, but I can’t identify them.”
“You can keep the sample, Eddie,” Alice said. She had been silent for some time, thinking, letting the men talk, letting Mel get himself solidly impaled on the hook. “Ask Mel to tell you about my imaginary snake, Eddie.”
Mel’s look was pure terror. He knew Eddie’s character pretty well, and he knew Alice was baiting him. The tactic was a familiar one from the old days, the wily female pitting the males against each other.
Since Eddie was more than ordinarily susceptible to such manipulation, he bit on it this time, too. “Snake, you say? What kind of snake would this be, Alice?”
“White, Eddie, snow white. And it was uppity. It sat there eating grapes like it owned my arbor.”
“Aw, come on, Alice, snakes don’t eat grapes.”
“Nor do they have feathers—ordinarily,” Alice replied, putting some English on the word “ordinarily,” mostly for Mel’s benefit. “This one, however, was exceptional. Here’s the feather. You can send that to your state lab too, if you like.” She paused, and glared at Mel before turning back toward Eddie to finish her remarks. “I will admit I don’t know any more than the two of you do, but at least I have sense enough to be scared. I think we’re going to be seeing more of these creatures and I don’t think they’re going to be much fun to be around.”
Alice rose from her chair. “Now,” she announced, “I’m pretty tired of all this. I got up early and it’s been a tough day. I’m going upstairs to sleep. You two can talk this out and Mel can let me know in the morning what you’ve decided to do.” She turned and stomped off.
It wasn’t long after that Mel came up to bed. Alice’s pouting had accomplished one thing, it had gotten rid of Eddie quicker than ever before.
For two days a steady but gentle rain had fallen. Though it was more drizzle than downpour the fields became too soft for Mel to go into with the tractor. Thus, though the storm had passed, he spent the next day close to the house, repairing and servicing his equipment.
Except for the chickens, Brutus, Big George, the gander, and a couple of half wild cats there were no other animals on the place. Time was that Mel and Alice had raised a few hogs and kept a small dairy herd, but they quickly discovered the meager profits weren’t worth the effort. The domestic market had been depressed since government subsidies had been abolished. Imported meat was cheaper, and dairy farming was a job for specialists, usually agricultural corporations whose diversified operations enabled them to grab enough market share to compete.