"Oh, but I wish to." Sarah tried again, nearly reaching into Fallon’s still unlaced pants. The warrior jumped to her feet, hands laid protectively over herself. Sarah looked up at her, stunned. "My lord?"
"I said I’m fine, Sarah," Fallon said, far more harsh than she had intended to. She could see the hurt flash across the blonde’s face. The lady grabbed her crumpled dress, and pulled it in front of her naked torso like a shield.
"I am sorry, my lord." She bowed her head, long blonde hair like a curtain to cover her blushing face.
"I, it’s . . ." Fallon swallowed, feeling like an ass. "I’ll see you at dinner." She hurriedly tucked in her shirt and laced the leather trousers, and nearly ran from the room.
Sarah felt the first tear fall.
Fallon slammed into her chambers, almost ripping the billowy shirt from her body, crumpling it into a ball and throwing it across the large room. Next came the boots and pants. She then removed the phallus and harness, looking at it, Sarah’s scent still very recognizable.
She groaned and tossed the contraption on the bed.
"I hate this!" she yelled, slamming her fist into her thigh like a child. She hated the ruse, hated her father for putting her in the position to have to lie, and hated herself for going along with it. She knew that it was a necessary evil, but that was cold comfort. She was lying to everyone around her, including a beautiful young woman whom she was growing to care about more and more every day. A woman who was so sweet and trusting and so hopeful that maybe she had been lucky to find real happiness.
Happiness in a lie.
Fallon turned to the full length looking glass and took in the reflection that stared back at her with hatred and contempt. She took in her body, hard from years of practicing on the battle and practice fields, and hours of daily rigorous exorcise. Her skin was bronze from so much exposure to the sun, coupled with her natural coloring. The eyes, blue, and what Sarah called beautiful and riveting. Fallon called them cold and calculating.
"You are a fraud," she whispered vehemently to herself.
Sarah sat at her vanity table, brush in hand, though hair forgotten. She stared vacantly at the mottle of jars and beautifying ointments massed across the table. Mary stood behind her, watching the girl through the mirror.
The young blonde had been quiet all evening, even during dinner. She had been withdrawn and barely had picked at her food. And as she thought of this, the servant realized that Lord Fallon had been the same. The husband and wife had not spoken during dinner, and in fact it had all been a rather somber affair.
"Miss Sarah?" Mary said quietly, taking the brush from the loose hand of her mistress.
"Hmm?" Sarah said absently, clasping her fingers together in her lap.
"Are you alright, milady?" Mary began to gently take the long, blonde strands out of the elaborate braid held at the back of the girl’s head, slowly removing the green ribbon that had been entwined with the hair.
"Yes," Sarah lied, then thought better of it. "Mary, am I appealing to look at?" she asked quietly, her voice just barely above a whisper.
"Milady?" Mary wasn’t sure she’d heard the question correctly.
"Tell me, Mary. Am I hideous?"
The handmaiden met the pained green eyes in the mirror and shook her head.
"No, miss Sarah. Far from it. You are a most beautiful woman." She smiled. "Most sweet."
"Thank you, Mary." Sarah reached back, laying her hand on that that rested on her shoulder.
"Is there trouble?" The maid resumed her brushing.
"I do not know." She looked down, again feeling the pain of Fallon’s rejection from earlier that night. She did not know what she had done wrong, or if she had simply been too ugly for the warrior to share himself with. A single tear dropped to land on her folded hands.
"Oh, dear Sarah. What is it?" Mary knelt beside her young friend’s chair, taking her hands in her own. "Perhaps I can help."
Green eyes, vibrant from the upset, met the concerned blue.
"I do not know if my husband finds me desirable. I wonder if it is because I have not given him an heir as of yet. We have tried, Mary!" she cried, finally letting her pain and confusion come. "I have done my best as his wife, to grant him such. It has not happened, and I fear he is so disappointed in me."
"Miss Sarah, I am so sorry." Mary gathered the trembling woman into her arms and tried to soothe the child. "You have done all you can. ’Tis up to God to decide who is blessed and who is not. Perhaps the problem is not yours." Mary didn’t fully understand the scope of Sarah’s pain, but tried to be there as best she could, to comfort the girl she had come to see as her own daughter. So sweet was young Sarah. She felt anger build at the thought of that man hurting her so.
Sarah pulled away after a bit, wanting to be alone.
"Please help me finish, Mary. I am so tired."
Mary left not a candle mark later, and the blonde quickly climbed into bed. She felt so alone and empty, not understanding. She knew it wasn’t really a huge deal, and as her husband, Fallon had the right to resist or reject her as he so chose. But it just felt wrong to her, somehow. He was so kind and gentle, and then there was the incredible pleasure he had incited in her that day.
She shivered at the thought. Was it a sin to feel such immense ecstasy? She wondered. Curling up within herself, Sarah tried to fall asleep.
For the next few weeks the couple kept their distance. Sarah was stung and unsure, and Fallon was simply playing the fool’s chicken. She did not want to have to see that kind of hurt in her wife’s eyes again. She was angry and disgusted at herself, and knew that the topic would come up again.
How to fight off the beautiful woman without hurting her further, or giving up her secret.
She sighed as she walked the grounds after her practice with her men. Deciding to take a nice, hot bath and think, she headed into the castle.
Sarah thanked the stable master as she handed over the reigns to Athena, and pulled off her riding gloves as she headed toward the castle. She had very much enjoyed her ride around the property, guards following her, of course. They were sure to keep her safe so as not to have to face the wrath of their master should any harm come to the young lady.
It was a beautiful day, warm and bright. This was good, as the blonde’s heart felt cold and dark. She had not seen much of Fallon in nearly a moon. She wished to speak with her husband, but had no idea if she had the right. He had not come to her, which was very telling in itself.
She felt miserable.
Even more so now that she was dusty and dirty from her ride. She wanted some time alone to think, and the baths were the perfect place to do just that.
The warrior piled her clothes neatly in the corner, ready to be picked up by a servant later. Her fresh clothes sat folded and ready to don once she finished her bath.
Stepping toward the edge of the hot spring, she sampled the temperature with a toe. Finding it to her liking, she placed a hand on the top of the statue that was placed near the steps for just that reason. The angel smiled forever as he waited to assist souls into the cleansing depths of the spring.
About to take a step, Fallon barely had time to register that the door had opened that led into the general hall. She had forgotten to lock it in her haste to relax.
The soft gasp made her turn her head, seeing Sarah standing at the door, hand covering her mouth, wide eyes taking in her very naked, and very female body.
"Sarah?" Fallon said, her mind finally registering the catastrophe at hand.
The blonde’s eyes rose to meet her own, the younger woman’s face pale with shock and surprise. She turned and promptly ran from the chamber.
"Damn thee!" Fallon yelled, raising her face to the ceiling. She knew she’d have no time to get dressed and then find the panicked blonde. Sitting down at the side of the spring, she buried her face in her hands.