Chapter 8 – Pinky Pleasure or Butt Tower
- Tyler -
“Tyler, what the hell are you doing?”
Looking up from the mess surrounding me, I see Gavin standing at the end of the aisle where I’m currently sitting on the floor. It’s the end of my first week at Seduction and Snacks and really, I should be ecstatic. Every tour I did of the warehouse went smoothly, I answered all the questions thrown at me expertly and I started up a competition with the warehouse workers that’s already starting to boost morale. I’m going to have to set a few ground rules for Vibrator Sword Fight Fridays so we don’t almost lose an eye again, but other than that, I’m pleased with my performance. Shoving a handful of ice cubes into the penis-shaped pillow we carry went a long way towards calming Scott Jameson down after the Racing Rocket came close to making him a Cyclops. Obviously the penis pillow didn’t make him happy, but we don’t carry a vagina pillow. The ice brought down the swelling on his eye and he promised not to sue us for assault with a deadly weapon.
Unfortunately, I can’t stop thinking about the fact that Ava won’t return my calls or that I might find out today who my dad is.
“Well, Gavin, I’m sitting on the floor surrounded by vibrators and pocket pussies. Obviously I’m trying to think,” I tell him, lying down on my back in the middle of the pile and swiping my arms and legs against the floor.
“Are you making a dildo angel?” Gavin asks, walking down the aisle until he’s standing right next to me.
I sit back up and carefully stand, making sure not to disrupt my masterpiece. Jumping over the toys on the floor, I stand next to Gavin and we stare down at my pretty dildo angel.
“I heard you talked to my Aunt Liz about the whole birth certificate thing,” he finally says.
“Yep. She told me to take my time getting her the real thing and that she’d pay me under the table until then.”
I thought for sure Ava’s mom was going to fire my ass when I told her I couldn’t get her a copy of my birth certificate for the employment forms. She just smiled at me and told me not to worry about it, which is very unlike her. Obviously either Tyler or Ava had already explained the situation to her and she felt sorry for me. Awesome. Yet another person who pities me. I didn’t mind it so much the other night with Ava because it meant she’d sleep with me. I don’t like everyone else looking at me like I’m some sad, pathetic, fatherless dude.
“Did you tell your parents you called the sperm bank to have them pull the records?”
I nod and we turn to walk away from my angel, making our way into the offices. “I had to. The place wouldn’t release any personal information unless my mom went in and signed a few papers saying she was okay with me finding out who my dad is. They’re supposed to call me today with the guy’s name and phone number so I can contact him.”
Unfortunately, they can only give me the name of the guy who donated the sperm. That doesn’t mean he’s my real father since my mom was a slut.
Goddammit!
We walk into the break room and take a seat at the table.
“And how do you feel about that?” Gavin asks.
The thing about Gavin is, he’s a genuinely good guy no matter how much I’ve tried to corrupt him. He’s always been a good friend and I know he’s worried about my mental health right now, but I don’t feel like hashing this out with anyone. I just want to get this thing over with, find out who my dad is and beat the shit out of him. Then, I can go on with my life and never have to think about the guy ever again.
“Can we stop pretending like we have vaginas? I don’t want to talk about my feelings, Dr. Phil. How about we talk about the fact that I got anal the other night at your house,” I tell him proudly, leaning back in my chair and clasping my hands behind my head.
“Correction, you accidentally had anal and you barely got the tip in. You’re forgetting that you’re sleeping with my girlfriend’s sister. They tell each other everything,” Gavin laughs.
“Whatever. My dick still went into a hole that has been previously denied me. I don’t care how much of it went in, it still went in. And she baked me cupcakes as a thank you.”
Gavin shakes his head at me. “You mean the cupcakes that called you a Piss Drinker and a Turtle Fucker? I’m pretty sure that wasn’t her saying thank you. That was her saying that none of her holes will be welcoming you inside anytime soon.”
I wave my hand at him. “Mere technicalities.”
The door to the break room opens and Gavin’s dad, Carter, walks in with Ava’s dad, Jim. Liz and Claire have to conduct a huge production meeting every Friday, so their husbands always stop by to pick them up and take them to dinner afterwards.
“Your mom said you boys might be in here. She and Liz have a few things to finish up before they’re ready to go. How was work?” Carter asks as he pulls out a chair and takes a seat next to Gavin while Jim does the same next to me.
I’ve always liked Carter and Jim, even though Jim scares me sometimes. He’s a quiet man, but I have a feeling if he knew the things I’ve done to his daughter, he’d chop off my balls and make me eat them. Gavin is a really great guy, treats Charlotte like a queen and he still punched Gavin in the face when he found out Gavin was in love with Charlotte. If he finds out his daughter has had intimate knowledge of my penis and I’ve secretly snuck in her bedroom on a few occasions, he will straight up murder my ass.
“Work was good. We were just talking about anal sex, care to add to the discussion?” Gavin tells them with a laugh.
I shoot him the middle finger and give him the stink eye. Jesus Christ, this is not something that should be discussed with Ava’s dad two feet away from me. He’s within punching distance.
“If you asking about anal sex has anything to do with my daughter, I think you should know that I’m perfectly fine with spending my life in prison,” Jim warns him.
I gulp nervously and slide my chair a few inches away from Jim. The closer I am to the door, the easier it will be for me to run the fuck out of here if he finds out about me and Ava.
“Remember the words you’re supposed to say to me whenever we’re in the same room together?” Jim continues.
Gavin nods his head and speaks in a monotone voice like he’s reading from a cue card. “Charlotte and I are waiting until marriage and we have separate bedrooms. We only kiss on Sundays after church and a thorough reading of the Bible.”
Jim smiles in satisfaction and relaxes in his chair.
“Well, I myself don’t care for anal that much, but Claire is pretty gung-ho about the whole thing,” Carter admits, bringing the conversation back around.
“Oh, Jesus Christ, I didn’t think this thing through. Stop it, stop it right now,” Gavin tells him, covering his ears with his hands and cringing.
I can’t help but laugh. He asked for it, thinking he could out me in front of Ava’s dad. Now he has to deal with the image of his mom and dad having butt sex. Serves him right.
“If you have enough lube and porn on the television, anything is possible,” Jim adds.
“I find that olive oil works much better,” Carter explains, placing his elbows on the table and leaning forward.
“I CAN’T HEAR YOU! LA-LA-LA, I’M NOT LISTENING!” Gavin screams with his hands still over his ears.
The men ignore him and since I’ve got a couple of experts at my disposal, I, too, lean forward and suck in all of their knowledge like a sponge.
“Tell me about this olive oil thing you speak of,” I say to Carter.
“Well, olive oil is a natural lubricant, it’s good for your skin and it’s always handy. However, you can’t use it with condoms because it will break down the rubber and make them less effective,” Carter explains.