None of us had any sense of the tragedy that was looming. Carol showed no sign that she was a victim of phenylketonuria, but Pearl would soon find out. It was an inherited metabolic disease that would lead Carol to suffer severe mental retardation.
Pearl started to come to Chin-kiang less frequently. By this time, Carol had had her first birthday. When Pearl did come, she didn’t stay long. She had to leave before Carie had had enough time with Carol. Pearl grew tense when watching Carol play. I noticed that although baby Carol looked healthy and was sweet, she didn’t talk when she was supposed to.
Without any warning or word, Pearl stopped coming. After a two-month silence, she came without Carol. She made excuses when her mother questioned. She sat with Carie and tried to look cheerful, but I could tell it was an act.
Carie had her bed moved next to the window, where she could better see the trees and mountains. She was silent most of the time while Pearl held her hand. She said nothing when it was time for Pearl to leave.
Carie stared out into the darkness after Pearl was gone. To cheer her up, I told her about the Chin-kiang Christian Girls’ Choir. “I have been teaching the girls all the songs you taught me,” I reported, “and we have been rehearsing for the Christmas Eve performance.”
Carie enjoyed my news, but deep down she missed her daughter and granddaughter.
Months went by and Pearl didn’t visit. Then I received a letter from her. It broke my heart. Doctors had confirmed her worst nightmare-Carol would never grow up mentally. In her letter, Pearl begged me to keep the news from Carie. “Tell Mother that I will come as soon as I get a chance and I promise that I will stay longer next time.”
Carie sensed that her end was approaching. She called me to her bed. She wanted to visit Kuilin in Guangxi province before she died. “Would you accompany me, Willow?” she asked.
I made arrangements immediately. I wrote to Pearl, who was in America with Lossing getting treatment for Carol, that her mother was determined to make the trip. We arrived in Kuilin by train after five days. Sitting on a chair on a bamboo raft, Carie floated down the Li-jiang River. With tears in her eyes, she gazed over the ink-painting-like landscape. The clear, smooth water mirrored the green mountains against a cloudless sky.
“I am ready to die now,” Carie said quietly.
“No, you cannot,” I responded. “You haven’t heard Carol call you Grandma yet.”
She shook her head slightly. “Carol might never be able to.”
That was when I realized that Carie had known all along what was happening. She had tried to take away Pearl ’s burden by pretending to know nothing. She had seen too much death and illness over the years to be fooled.
“But why aren’t you fighting?” I wept with my cheek against the back of her hand. “You have always been a fighter. You fought for your children, your own fate, and everybody else’s. I remember the way you scrubbed my hair with soap trying to get rid of the lice.”
Carie gave a weak smile. “I am too tired.”
I understood the reason Carie had come to Kuilin. It was her way to help Pearl. If she wasn’t home, Pearl wouldn’t have to rush back to Chin-kiang.
“You have been hard on yourself, Carie,” I said.
“Nothing is hard when I have you by my side.” She smiled.
I asked if there was anything else that I could do for her.
She was silent for a while and then uttered, “Be there for Pearl after I’m gone.”
CHAPTER 13
Carie died the day before Christmas. Pearl and I were with her till the end. Carie’s last wish touched me deeply. All her belongings were to be sold and the funds given to her lifelong maid and friend Wang Ah-ma, so that she could retire and return to her provincial town. The funeral was held on Christmas Day. Absalom performed a simple ceremony, the same ceremony he offered the locals. We were stunned that Absalom didn’t do more for his wife.
The casket was lowered slowly into the ground. Behind Pearl and Absalom, the entire town of Chin-kiang stood. Grief-stricken, Wang Ah-ma fainted. The Chin-kiang Christian Girls’ Choir sang “Amazing Grace.” Playing Carie’s piano, I made a promise to myself to maintain Carie’s grave like a Chinese daughter would.
Hundreds of candles were placed in cut-off gourds filled with sand. Members of the girls’ choir lit the candles and prayed for Carie’s spirit. The candles were then placed on lotus pads and set free to drift with the current. Slowly the candles floated into the canal and then the Yangtze River. We prayed that Carie’s spirit would travel across the Pacific Ocean and reach her birthplace in America.
Absalom was upset when Lilac proposed hosting a “tofu banquet” to honor Carie. It was the Chinese Buddhist tradition. The wish came from people who felt deeply indebted to Carie. Papa reminded Absalom that the majority of the provincial people, whose lives Carie had touched and helped, were not Christians.
Lilac told Absalom, “We would like to send off old spirits and greet new ones so Carie may gain favors in her next life, not only with the Christian God but also the Chinese gods.”
Papa explained to Absalom, “It is an honor only people of high standing and wealth can afford.”
“No!” Absalom frowned with his eyebrows and said firmly. “That is against the Christian principle. An elaborate funeral is wasteful. Carie did nothing more than her Christian duty.”
Pearl tried to convince her father that by honoring Carie, the people were honoring the Christian God. But it was no use.
An idea proposed by Carpenter Chan and his friends to build a memorial gate for Carie was also dropped. In order to allow the tofu banquet to take place, Papa fabricated an emergency in a neighboring village church. It sent Absalom on his way out of Chin-kiang.
The tofu banquet lasted a week. It was held in Carie’s name. It symbolized her thanks to all who came to help her complete the transition from one life to another.
People traveled long distances to attend the ceremony. Staying up all night, I helped Lilac soak and cook the soybeans. We ground the beans and made a variety of tofu dishes, including tofu chicken, tofu duck, tofu fish, tofu ham, tofu bread, and a big tofu cake.
Pearl received families dressed in traditional mourning costume, white from head to toe. The white cotton robes were matched with white hats pinned with white flowers and white shoe covers. Pearl had no idea that her mother had so many friends.
I was called the Other Pearl because Carie, in many ways, had adopted me. I sang the crying tune with the crowd. It was Chin-kiang’s tradition to mourn this way. The tune asked the gods to hear our complaints for taking Carie away too soon.
Carpenter Chan and his crew built makeshift gates that guided the crowd to Carie’s grave. Wood carvings of protective gods stood on top of each gate. Every gate had its own title, which stood as a symbol of blessing for Carie’s next life.
The first gate was titled Sleeping Seeds, which stood for winter; the second was Flower Buds, which meant spring; the third was In Full Blossom, representing summer; and the last gate, Harvest and Fruits, was for the fall. Carie was assured all four seasons in her next life.
As people passed through the gates they kowtowed. Children were told to beg the gods to guard Carie’s spirit. The Wan-Wan Tunes troupe played The Celebration and the mourners entertained gods of the universe. First was the god of death, who was believed to have ordered Carie’s departure from earth. He was entertained to make sure no mistakes had been made. Next were the demons that were believed to have escorted Carie. They were asked to “be gentle with the sorrowful spirit.” Third was the Heavenly Judge, who was in charge of counting Carie’s virtues and deciding her future. The message from the mourners to him was “Please be fair and kind.” Food and wine were offered to this god to assure a receptive mood.