Annie nodded again, then turned her gaze out the window, afraid to look at Loraine. You either are or you’re not. Yes, it should be that simple. But was it? Annie thought back over the years, back to high school. Before that, even. She had innocent crushes on boys, just like her friends did. She was in the ninth grade when Derrick started paying her attention. They hung out after school, they went to the movies together, they went to football games on Friday nights. And they went parking and made out. It was what everyone else was doing. Her world was small, and she never wondered what it would be like with someone other than Derrick. Not until she was older and already married did she question it. Even then, she never once considered she might be gay. She just assumed she hadn’t met the right guy yet. Little did she know, she was waiting to meet the right woman.
A hand on her arm startled her and she turned, finding Loraine watching her.
“If you need to talk, I’m a good listener,” Loraine offered.
Annie met her eyes, seeing a gentleness there that reminded her of Jordan. She realized that Jordan must get her compassion from her mother. Annie smiled quickly.
“You know, don’t you?”
Loraine squeezed her arm, then put her hand back on the steering wheel. “They say women have a radiance about them when they’re pregnant. But I say it’s because they’re in love.” She looked at Annie. “Why else would both you and Jordan be glowing?”
“Oh, God…you do know.”
Loraine smiled. “I suspected, yes.” She held her hand up. “And it’s absolutely none of my business. You’re both adults.”
Annie clutched her hands together nervously. “I think maybe it is your business,” she said. “Because I’m pregnant with Matt’s baby.” She turned toward her. “I should explain. Truthfully. I should tell you exactly what happened.”
“Annie, I’m not judging you.”
“Thank you. But you deserve to know.” She smiled. “You did say you were a good listener,” she reminded her.
“So I did.”
Annie swallowed. “Jordan and I…well, we have this connection between us. Ever since the day we first met, we’ve had it. And it’s come to this. All summer, we got closer and closer and now…now we’re lovers.” She met Loraine’s gaze. “And it feels so good to say that out loud.” She tilted her head, watching her drive. “Please don’t think poorly of me…or more importantly, Jordan.”
“I don’t, Annie. I love my daughter. I won’t interfere in her personal life.”
“I guess you don’t know my history. I married right out of high school—Derrick—dated him all through school and got married. I knew it was a mistake right away. I wasn’t in love with him. I wasn’t attracted to him. Yet I stayed married to him for six years. I didn’t want to have sex with him. I didn’t want to sleep with him.” She turned her gaze away from her, knowing how this made her sound. “I know what you’re thinking. If I didn’t love him, why did I get married?”
“I was eighteen once too, you know.”
Annie laughed. “Yeah, I blame it on my age. My mother adored Derrick. There was never a dissenting voice to be heard.”
“It took you six years to work up the courage to leave?”
“Yes. I kept thinking something was wrong with me and that I would change. But after I divorced, I never wanted to be with anyone…like that. I wasn’t interested in dating, I wasn’t interested in sex. I wasn’t attracted to anyone.”
“Not even Matt?”
Annie shook her head. “I’m sorry. No.”
“Then how—”
“It was a rainy night and I didn’t want to go home to my parents. I was…so lonely.” She thought back to that night, remembering how desperate she’d been for someone’s touch, anyone’s touch. “Matt, he flirted with me all the time, always teasing with me. And that night, I gave in to it because…well, because I thought something was wrong with me. I had no desire for anyone, nothing. I thought surely something was wrong and if I just…did it, maybe it would be all right.” She paused. “And I got pregnant. That was the result of that one night.” She leaned her head back. “Now Jordan…she’s turned my world upside down. I’ve never…I’ve never felt like this before.” She glanced over at Loraine. “A part of me is so afraid though. She makes me feel things I only dreamed of feeling.” She took a deep breath. “So please don’t be mad or upset. It’s just something that happened…something we couldn’t deny.”
“Are you in love with my daughter?”
“Yes. Surely this is what love feels like.”
Loraine smiled sweetly. “Then that’s good enough for me.”
“There’s just…one other thing.” She felt tears in her eyes and she blinked them away. “The night I got pregnant…”
Loraine nodded. “That was the night Matt died.”
Annie let her tears fall. “Yes. I’m so sorry.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Annie came in carrying bags, and Jordan hopped up to help her, surprised to find her mother coming up the steps after Annie, carrying as many bags as Annie was.
“Did you buy the store out?”
“I had the most wonderful time shopping,” her mother said. “This one loves to shop. So unlike you.”
“Well, glad she could indulge you,” she said.
“It was fun,” Annie said. She then shocked Jordan into a stunned silence by kissing her full on the lips. “Miss me?”
Jordan glanced quickly at her mother, who was watching her.
“Well? Did you miss her?”
Annie laughed. “She’s so cute when she blushes.”
Jordan looked from one to the other. What the hell is going on here?
“Yes, she is.” Her mother held up the bags. “So which bedroom should I put these in?”
“Follow me,” Annie said.
Jordan rubbed her face with both hands. Jesus…God…Annie told her? She stumbled into the kitchen and pulled down the twenty-year-old bottle of scotch she’d been saving for a special occasion. She’d dropped a hundred and fifty bucks for the Glenlivet, but it was without ceremony that she opened it now. Her hand trembled slightly as she poured a small amount into a glass. She barely took the time to savor the aroma of the liquid gold before drinking it.
“She kissed me in front of my mother,” she whispered to the empty room.
She poured another splash into the glass, then closed the bottle. She heard their voices and turned as they came into the kitchen. Her mother’s eyebrows rose.
“Kinda early for scotch, isn’t it?”
“I…umm…no. No.”
Her mother came closer and hugged her, then kissed her quickly on the cheek. “I love you, Jordan.” She pulled away and looked at Annie. “Don’t forget…dinner on Sunday.”
“We’ll be there.”
Jordan watched as her mother hugged and kissed Annie as well, then left with a wave of her hand. Jordan set her glass down, her mind spinning.
“I adore your mother,” Annie said.
Jordan blinked several times. “So…she knows?”
Annie smiled. “Yes, she knows.”
“Did she freak out?”
“No. In fact, she already knew. I didn’t have to tell her.”
Jordan’s eyes widened. “How?”
Annie shrugged. “Mother’s intuition, maybe. Doesn’t matter. We had a nice talk. I told her…well, I told her about that night with Matt. And then we had a good cry.”
Jordan ran her hand through her hair. “I can’t believe my mother knows.” She glanced at Annie. “Old habit…but I don’t normally expose my personal life to my mother.”
Annie walked over to her, close enough for their bodies to touch. She met her eyes, then leaned closer and kissed her. “Your mother loves you, Jordan. No matter what. I didn’t see the point in lying to her.”
Jordan pulled Annie closer, relishing the embrace. “No, you’re right.” She kissed Annie gently. “But are you okay with her knowing? I mean—”
“I’m okay with her knowing.” Annie pulled out of her arms. “This is all new to me, Jordan. But I don’t feel I want to hide it. Do you?”
“What about your mother?” she asked.
Annie smiled quickly. “Now that’ll be fun,” she said sarcastically. “Can you see it?”
“She’ll hate me.”
“Oh, sweetheart, I hate to tell you this, but I think she already does.”
Jordan stared at her. Sweetheart. Had she ever been called “sweetheart” before?
“What?”
Jordan smiled. “Nothing.”
“Okay. So do you want to see what all we bought?”
“Sure.”
Annie wiggled her eyebrows. “I’ll model for you.”
Jordan grabbed her hand and pulled her closer, kissing her. “Then you won’t get past the first outfit.”
Annie looped her arms around Jordan’s neck, their kisses no longer gentle. “I’ll let you help me dress.”
Jordan smiled against her lips. “How about I help you undress?”