After that dramatic statement was uttered, before Abby could get a word in, they heard a throat being cleared.
Both women turned to the door and Pete, Abby’s handyman, was standing there.
Since Abby returned to England Pete had been a fixture in her life. She liked Pete, she liked him a lot.
She still wished she didn’t see so damned much of him.
On the wrong side of fifty, Pete was stocky and medium height. He had a weathered face, a shock of dark hair peppered with grey and a gentle manner.
He’d been a trusted friend of Abby’s grandmother’s and now he was a trusted friend of hers.
“Abby love, sorry to interrupt but…” he hesitated and Abby braced for bad news.
For the last year Pete had been the bearer of many a bad tiding. The roof needed to be re-tiled. The windows needed to be replaced. The insulation needed to be ripped out and re-installed. There was mildew and damp. It never ended.
Now he was there looking at the bath for every time Abby took a shower it rained in the vestibule. This, Abby, even not being very au fait about such things, didn’t think was a good sign.
“Just sock it to me, Pete,” Abby encouraged on a pretend smile.
He shifted on his feet. “I think I’m gonna have to bring a man in.”
Abby sighed.
It was never good when Pete had to bring a man in.
“Or two,” Pete finished.
Abby’s stomach clenched, she turned and looked at Jenny, an any more questions? expression on her face.
She looked back at Pete and said, “Call them in.”
Pete looked uncomfortable. “We’re talkin’ plumber and electrician. They might be pricey, but I’m not qualified –”
“Call them in, Pete,” Abby repeated.
“You probably shouldn’t take a shower for awhile,” Pete went on.
“Okay,” Abby replied.
“Or a bath,” Pete continued.
Abby stared.
She only had one bathroom. Well, she had three. It was more to the point that she only had one working bathroom.
“No bath?” she whispered.
“Water damage to the floorboards. You fill up that roll top tub and get in it, it could go through the floor,” Pete explained.
Visions of Abby, naked and bathing, crashing through the floor of her ancestral home did not make Abby feel warm all over.
“Call in the guys, Pete,” Abby said quietly.
Pete nodded, looking about as happy about his errand as Abby was. He gave a chin lift to Jenny and backed out.
When Abby turned back to Jenny she thought her point had been made. She also thought it was time to fire up her computer and check her bank balance.
James, who Abby had met only once through Kieran who Abby had known for twelve years because he was Jenny’s husband, through Jenny, was playing Abby’s… she hesitated because the word “pimp” didn’t sound nice, so she decided to think of him as her business manager.
James was supposed to tell Cash to transfer a quarter of the agreed amount into her account. He was also supposed to give Cash her phone number so she’d be reachable by Cash. The down payment would be augmented the day they went to the castle when Abby would get another quarter of the money. The last half would be transferred at the end of the arrangement.
Fifty thousand pounds would go a long way toward paying a plumber and electrician. It would also pay off what she owed Pete, who allowed her to pay an instalment on a monthly basis but she had an ongoing and growing balance that she owed him. It would also allow her to bring current the two loans she’d had to take against the house. Not to mention the two credit cards which were maxed out. And her line of credit with the bank that was over the limit.
When she opened her mouth to make her point to Jenny, Jenny got there before her and asked softly, “I still don’t know why you don’t just sell this house.”
Abby closed her mouth and her eyes.
When she opened them again, she replied, “You do know.”
“It’s just a house,” Jenny returned.
“My mother grew up here. My grandmother grew up here. My grandmother inherited this house from her father who died before she was born. It was the only thing he was ever able to give her that would keep her safe, warm and protected. And he grew up here, as did his father and his father before him. I can’t sell it. It’s the only thing I have left of them. It’s the only thing I have at all.”
A look of pain crossed Jenny’s face before she could hide it but her next words explained it. “You have us, Kieran and me. You have friends. You have –”
Abby’s voice turned harsh in order to hide the hurt of the invisible hand that always squeezed her heart when they had this conversation, when the reminder came, yet again, of all she didn’t have.
“You don’t understand. You have Kieran. Ben’s gone, Jenny, dead.” Abby spit out the last word that she didn’t need to use, a word she didn’t need to remind her friend was attached to Abby’s husband. Jenny knew all too well and Abby watched her friend flinch. “There will never be another Ben. I’ll never have that again. Most women don’t get that kind of love even once in their life. I had it and now it’s gone and it hurts every day even after all this time it hurts every single day. Mom’s gone, Dad’s gone, Ben’s gone and now Gram’s gone. I need this house. I need the memories I have in this house. I’ll never give it up. Never. I can’t. Gram wouldn’t understand. Mom wouldn’t understand. Hell, even Ben wouldn’t understand if I let this house go. They all loved it just like I do. You don’t get it, you can’t get it and I hope to God you never do!”
Jenny started to speak but Abby shook her head.
“If I have to do something you don’t approve of to take care of myself, my life, my home, then I’m sorry. You can’t take care of all my problems. I can’t lean on you and Kieran for everything. You’ve been there every time. Mom, Dad, Ben, Gram and all the crazy, stupid stuff I’ve done in between. Now it’s high time I stepped up. I got myself in this mess, I’ll damned well get myself out.”
“Abby, please –” Jenny started.
“No,” Abby cut her off, “no, you please. Please just support me and help me. One month, then I can start over. I can get the house back in shape and get my life back on track. One month and then we can put it all behind us.” Abby put her hands on her petite friend’s neck and bent her face toward her. “I need you to support me with this, Jenny. Please.”
Jenny’s face gentled but she didn’t give up. “Abby, honey, I know how you feel about this house and I love it too. You know I do. But I think you’re focusing on this house and fixing it up and keeping it as some weird way to keep hold of your family, of Ben. I promise you, Abby, I promise, you won’t lose the memories of them if you give up this house.”
She was wrong.
Sometimes, if Abby was out somewhere and the memory of Ben decided to travel through her mind, she’d forget what he smelled like. She’d forget what it felt like to have his hands on her body, his fingers finding hers, his knee brushing hers under a table. She’d forget what his voice sounded like, his laughter, his familiar chuckle when she’d done something he considered “adorable”.
Sometimes she’d even forget what he looked like and she’d have to drop everything and rush home.
In this house, she’d remember. She’d remember him at the kitchen table drinking coffee and chatting with her grandmother or playing cards with her Mom and Dad. She’d remember him decorating the Christmas tree in the living room. She’d remember him teasing her grandmother that she had way too damn many rose bushes in the garden that Gram would ask him to prune. She’d remember hearing his laughter coming from the study mingled with her father’s as they drank whisky and tried to outdo each other telling rude jokes. She’d remember him making love to her in the same roll top tub that was now the bane of her existence when her grandmother was on holiday in Germany and they were watching the house.