Among the educated people one had also to consider the great lawyers, whose witty and poignant speeches could be read in the newspapers. These defence lawyers sometimes took on a cause for free if it was a very challenging case and there was a chance they might become celebrities. Unfortunately murderers were not very wealthy. Herr Perlefter felt sorry for the lawyers. ‘If I think about it,’ he said, ‘quite often such a celebrated and gifted man must work for free. And how he must work, the poor fellow! How much intelligence a lawyer must apply! The prosecutor is no dummy either, eh? But the defender must be a thousand times smarter. He can even convince a murderer himself that he has not murdered!’
‘So,’ I said to Herr Perlefter, ‘is that OK? Can one allow a murderer to be acquitted just because the public defender comes up with good excuses?’
‘He won’t be acquitted!’ replied Perlefter.
‘But what if he is acquitted after all?’
‘It happens once every ten years!’
‘That’s quite often enough!’
‘It’s actually very seldom!’
‘But let’s not argue over this!’
‘We already are! I say “seldom”; you say “often”!’
And thus could Perlefter silence even a stubborn opponent. He escaped from arguments. He was actually not as dumb as he made himself out to be. It was as if he were made of rubber. He curled himself up, but then he was there again at the forefront, where you had not expected him. The truth was, he actually had nothing against acquitted murderers so long as the defence lawyer gave a handsome argument. These he read at night before he fell asleep in the Freien Zeit, the big newspaper that came to the house twice a day and which had a fondness for sentimental and witty articles. Herr Perlefter first read the business section, for which the editor Philippi was responsible. Then came the daily editorial, which Perlefter sometimes read twice. The editorial was always anonymous, but the whole world knew that it was personally written by the publisher of the newspaper, Herr Brandstadt. Nobody called this anonymous personality by name, although everyone knew who it was. One said only ‘he’.
‘What did he write today in the Freien Zeit?’ asked Herr Perlefter’s brother who never had time to read.
‘He wrote an excellent piece on obligations. You must read it!’ answered Herr Perlefter.
But when Herr Brandstadt dealt with home politics Perlefter said, ‘Phenomenal, this editorial, a magnificent article!’ He agreed with all the opinions of the author. Brandstadt wrote to Perlefter’s soul. The editor found exactly those words upon which Perlefter had chewed but could not quite get out. Nevertheless it seemed to Perlefter as soon as he had finished reading the article that the very same words had escaped his lips once before. He often said, ‘I said exactly the same thing to Hahn yesterday. Today it’s in the newspaper.’
What had he said word for word to Hahn? ‘On principle, I am against unrest. At a minimum, every incidence of unrest corrupts and damages our business transactions. One mustn’t do everything to the extreme. Let me speak of all this. Disputes are unnecessary. One can always reach an agreement. I want peace at any cost. We all want peace. We need it. I’m not in favour of extreme antagonism, but rich and poor must both exist. The rich, however, must sustain the poor. I’ll do what I can. God is my witness!’
Well, this was not the speech from the editorial in the Freien Zeit verbatim. But the sense was, without question, the same.
Perlefter’s political world-view was ever unchanging. Thus the views he held before the war remained the same after the war. Formerly he had proper respect for the Emperor. Although he was not in love with the monarchy, he believed it was a necessity. The war disturbed him, although his earnings were ever greater. Yes, I must confess to Perlefter’s credit that he did not like war. It is true that he had been exempted. He had nothing to fear. He feared anyway. Everything was topsyturvy. If a clerk was absent-minded they could still call him to arms! Out of error, but the misfortune would be the same. When once I came to Perlefter with two medals that had been given to me during the war he brought me to the club. He infused a tenderness into all the words he spoke to me. He led me through all the rooms and showed me to anyone who would see me. He was proud of my bravery, and I had to play the victim that Perlefter was introducing to the public. I played it.
‘For what did you receive these medals?’ he asked.
‘Certainly not for something respectable!’ I said.
That offended Perlefter. He was so vain about my medals that my disparagement outraged him. Then he became friendly again.
‘Aha, you’re modest!’ he said.
‘No, not at all,’ I replied. ‘Because it is no merit to be a hero in a war!’
‘It is, however, once again wartime,’ sighed Perlefter.
And the discussion became pointed once again.
He was anxious about the Russian Revolution. Would they socialize? Would they take everything away from the wealthy like they did in Russia? It proved that the monarchy was the safest bet. If things had gone according to his views they would have left the Emperor alone and yet still made peace. When he saw that nobody was going to socialize anything the Republic pleased him. He preferred not to worry about politics any more.
‘Now I have another worry!’ he said. But he had no worries.
He bought a large hotel. It was one of the best transactions of his life. But he sighed, ‘Ach, this hotel! Why’d I have to buy this? Such a hotel brings nothing but trouble!’
It brought him only money. There was an opening night. His colleagues at the club who had wanted to be ministers had now become ministers. It is true that they no longer had important titles, but they did hold offices whose appellations were still quite lovely-sounding titles. The editor Philippi also came. For weeks this celebration was all that was spoken of in Perlefter’s house. Should the children also go? Or Frau Perlefter alone?
Frau Perlefter went there alone. She had a dark and thus youthful-looking evening-dress made for the occasion. She could have wept for joy when she saw the brilliant sign and the dazzling reception.
But she actually wept the next day, for she had lost her brooch in the excitement. ‘This is an irreplaceable loss!’ said Perlefter. He let his wife cry for the whole day. When he saw that she hadn’t prepared any supper he softened, and he bought her a new brooch. None the less the doctor came. Frau Perlefter had a nervous heart. The loss had shaken her. She had to take bromide and yet still could not sleep. Perlefter was sincerely perturbed. He disliked disturbances, disorder, the servants free and running wild, and the commands that his wife issued from her bed made him timid. He wanted to escape the house.
But he didn’t leave. For at the depths of his soul lurked the fear of a still worse illness that could befall his wife. He remained at home. He sought comfort in unhappiness. ‘I’ll never get any peace around here!’ he lamented happily. Yes, he was genuinely happy when he complained.
III
It happened at this time that the Society for the Advancement of Tourism took note of Perlefter’s beneficent work and as a result decided to name him as an honorary member. An honorary member, as you might be aware, has no obligations but many privileges. Perlefter told of this advancement with a sigh. ‘This is another thing that will cost me money!’ said Perlefter, although it was something that cost no money at all. It was, on the contrary, a thing that brought many conveniences with it. Herr Perlefter received a permanent sleeping-car berth; a place was reserved for the honorary members of the Society for the Advancement of Tourism. Herr Perlefter developed a desire for travel.