Oh, that’s tempting. Working with Xavier every day, getting to stare at him as much as I want while I get paid well for it—that’s a single girl’s dream job. It sounds perfect, but I’m sure that’s what Deena thought when he offered her the same position…right before she slept with him. And look where that got her. I can’t allow that to be me.
I won’t allow that to be me.
I slide the slip of paper between my fingers to distract myself from staring into those baby-blue eyes of his. “Thanks for the offer, but I don’t think I can.”
He drums his fingers on the table in front of him, and it’s almost as if he read my mind because he asks, “Is it because of Deena?”
My gaze jerks up to meet his. “No.”
The corner of his mouth pulls down into a one-sided frown. “It wouldn’t be like that between us, you know.”
I twist my lips. “Is that what you told her when she started too?”
For some strange reason the thought of him with another woman causes a painful burn in the pit of my stomach, and I can’t stand looking at him a second longer.
I turn to walk away, but his hand darts out and grabs my wrist, holding me in place. “I would never treat you like that. Deena knew what she was getting into. She knew there would never be anything real between us, and she chose to give it up to me anyway. Our agreement with one another was crystal clear.”
I flinch. “So that makes it okay?”
“She consented, Anna. I never promised her a wedding ring.” I can hear the defensiveness in his voice.
“But you’ll promise me one?” The question leaves my mouth so quickly, it even surprises me.
He lets go of my hand. “A ring is something I’d never promise anyone. I’m not the marrying type.”
I know it’s stupid, but the small hope that had built inside of me that something between Xavier and me would eventually happen—no matter how much I fought it—just got crushed to smithereens. I know he’s a player, and even Quinn says the tabloids link him to dating several women at the same time, but I can’t snuff out this stupid connection I feel with him. But if it’s never going to be serious between us, I wish he’d just leave me alone and quit tormenting me with the idea that he might actually see me as more than just an easy lay.
I swallow hard, attempting to steady my voice. “I’ll have your food out to you as soon as it’s ready.”
“Anna…”
I don’t turn around because I know if I look at him, I’ll crack. Knowing you’ll never have something you really want is a terrible feeling, and something I wouldn’t wish on my own worst enemy.
8
Anna
After working eight hours, and standing up pretty much the entire time, my feet are on fire, I’m exhausted, and I lay my head back against the headrest as Quinn drives us home.
“It’ll get easier, you know—the more you do it. Your body will adjust after a week or so,” she tells me.
I sigh as I finish counting the tip money that’s in my lap. “I hope so. It seems like so much work for fifty dollars in tips.”
“I told you that I’d share the money X left. I still can’t believe he left a five hundred dollar tip. That guy has it bad for you.” She waggles her eyebrows. “What happened between the two of you, anyhow? I thought you two were getting along after hanging out last night?”
I shove the loose strand of hair that has fallen fom my ponytail behind my ear. “I don’t know. We’re friends, I guess, but—”
“You’re so horny for him it clouds your judgment?”
“No!”
Quinn rolls her eyes as she turns onto the next street. “Oh, come on, Anna. This is me you’re talking to. It’s okay that a man—a mighty sexy one, I might add—turns you on. I don’t see how you’ve gone this long without allowing him to ravage you. He obviously wants to.”
I pinch my bottom lip between my teeth. While I don’t want to admit exactly how much I think of him doing that very thing to me, she’s right. Even after he’s made it perfectly clear that there would be no long-term future for us, I still can’t believe I’m entertaining the idea of giving into Xavier. I just don’t want to get hurt.
“I see that look,” Quinn says, snapping me out of my thoughts.
I grimace and shake my head. “I don’t have a look.”
She raises her eyebrows. “Yes, you do. And I’m telling you right now, Anna, you’ve got to learn to let go of all of those preconceived notions that sex is bad. The entire world is not going to judge you for wanting X. Hell, half of the world wants a piece of him for themselves! Be young. Have a fling. He’s sex on a stick!”
“Quinn!” I scold her.
“No, Anna, fuck that. I want you to admit to not only me, but yourself, out loud that it’s okay to want to have crazy, premarital sex with a bad-boy.”
“What?” I ask, completely flabbergasted. “Who tells someone to say that kind of stuff?”
She grins as she pulls up to the curb in front of her house. “A best friend, that’s who. Now say it.”
“Quinn—”
“Anna, so help me, if you don’t grow a pair of lady nuggets right now and admit out loud how you really feel, I will ship you back to Uncle Simon tonight.”
“This is so ridiculous,” I huff.
She folds her tan arms across her chest. “Do it, or we are not getting out of this car.”
“You’re relentless.” I pinch the bridge of my nose as I sigh. Might as well just give in. “Fine. I want to have…”
She gestures for me to continue. “Crazy…”
“Crazy, premarital sex with a bad-boy. There, I said it. Happy?”
She shakes her head. “Say it one more time with feeling, and admit that you want that bad-boy to be wrestling’s sex god, X.”
I rub my face. This is freaking painful, but I know she won’t give in until she wins. That’s the thing about Quinn—she never gives up if she believes she’s right.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. “I want to have sex with Xavier.” The moment those words leave my lips, the mad rush of shame that I know I should feel for thinking such things isn’t there. It’s really quite the opposite. It feels good to finally get that off my chest because for the past couple of days, that’s all that’s been on my mind.
Quinn claps her hands and squeals. “Don’t you feel better?”
I smile. “Yeah, I actually do. I think you need to go back to school and get a psychology degree. How did you know that would help me?”
“I’m a student of human nature. I knew you wanted to let that man into your pants the moment I saw you wrestle to get your purse back from him.”
“Ugh. That! He can be so frustrating. He’s gotten under my skin so quick.”
She laughs as she opens her door. “And that, Anna, is how I know you like him. There’s a fine line between love and hate. They both cause your body to react in a similar fashion. Each of those emotions creates such intense feelings that one can easily be mistaken for the other.”
“I never said I hated him. He just…I don’t know.” I sigh as I get out, and we head into the house together.
“A guy like X is new territory for you. While I highly advise a fun fling with a bad-boy, I don’t recommend catching any feelings for him whatsoever. Look at the mess between Brock and me.”
My pesky curiosity is back in full force. “What did he do to upset you, anyhow?”
She shakes her head as she slides her key into the door. “Let’s not talk about him. Brock and I are history. No need to hash out boring details about something that’s over.”